


Swan Feathers

by DecemberCamie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abuse, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, Crushes, Curses, Don't copy to another site, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Mystery, Romance, Slow Burn, Swan Lake - Freeform, Torture, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 69,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: “Did you hear what I said?” the silver-haired stranger asked sharply.“What are you doing here?Swimming in the lake at night is forbidden.”“Oh—oh, no! You have it all wrong, I’m not here to swim—” Gon scrambled to stand as his mind raced. Who was this guy? Why had Kite told him not to visit the lake at night if other people were allowed to do it? “—I work with Kite at the research facility!”“The research facility is closed at this hour. And Kitedefinitelyknows better than to hang around here after sunset. Are you new or something?”-Gon accepts a job with Kite for the chance to leave Whale Island for the first time in his life. But Gon's employment at Lake Kukuroo comes with rules - don’t explore the lake alone, and don’t visit the lake at night.And even though Gon enjoys working alongside Kite, learning about the lake and the strange blue-eyed swan that inhabits it, he is also curious. Gon wants to know why Kite is so strict with his rules. And heneedsto know more about Killua Zoldyck, the only person Gon has ever seen on the lake at night and who may be the reason why Kite has rules in the first place.~Killugon Swan Lake au~
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kaito | Kite, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 633
Kudos: 520





	1. arrival

Lake Kukuroo was bigger than Gon expected. 

Gon had seen a fair share of waterways during his twenty-two years walking the earth. Whale Island was scattered with them, dotted with little ponds and covered in twisting rivers. Yet this lake was still larger than anything he had ever stumbled across back home. And if the lake was _this big_ , it would take ages to explore the surrounding forest and swim to the deepest part of its sandy bottom.

Gon sucked in a shuddering, excited breath as he scanned the pinpricks of trees lining the lake’s horizon. This was going to be the best summer ever. There’d to be lots secret caves to find and unique animals to befriend and cool shells to collect and—

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Gon,” Kite warned, coming to stand next to Gon on the lake’s rocky shore. “I told your aunt I wouldn’t let you out of my sight and you _will_ get lost if you go off without me. If you ever want to hike through the forest or go fishing or anything, promise me you won’t do it on your own. Tell me and I’ll come with you.”

Gon held back a sigh. It’s not that he didn’t want to explore the lake with Kite—Kite was brilliant and amazing and Gon couldn’t be more grateful to him for hiring Gon for the summer—but Kite was much, _much_ busier than Gon. He had his own business here nursing wounded wild animals back to health and working on his research. Would he really have time to drop everything and help Gon get rid of his cabin fever?

 _“Gon,”_ Kite said, tone expectant and stern. 

“I...I promise.”

“Good. Now, one last thing—”

A warm hand gripped Gon’s shoulder and turned him to face Kite directly. Gon’s heart leapt into his throat as he caught sight of Kite’s dark, narrowed eyes. 

“Don’t go out onto the lake at night,” Kite said lowly, his fingers digging into Gon’s shoulder. 

Gon blinked. “Wh-Why?”

“It’s dangerous.”

That didn’t really answer his question. “But—”

“I’m serious, Gon,” Kite said, and Gon shut his mouth. “If you are to work with me this summer, you must abide by my rules. No one is allowed to visit the lake after sunset. Do you understand?”

Gon _didn’t_ understand. Not even a little. But Kite’s expression left no room for questioning, and so Gon had to relent. 

“Yes,” Gon sighed. “I understand.”

**-o0o-**

Just because Gon _technically_ understood Kite’s request didn’t mean he had to obey. Kite had only made Gon promise not to explore the lake by himself. He hadn’t made Gon promise not to visit the lake at night—he had just _warned_ him. 

And so that was why Gon found himself pedaling to the lake in the middle of the night, less than twelve hours after his arrival. 

The bike he rode was Kite’s. Kite had given it to him as a gift, saying he should use it to get around town. He had also prepared a spare room in his house for Gon to sleep in, cooked dinner for Gon to eat, even offered his old clothing in case Gon hadn’t packed well enough. Kite was good and kind to Gon, giving him the opportunity to escape Whale Island when no one else would. And it was Kite’s generosity that had caused a pit of guilt to form in Gon’s stomach when he’d carefully pushed up his bedroom window and gingerly climbed down an adjacent tree. 

But Gon couldn’t help it. He was curious. He wanted to know what was so dangerous about the lake at night. There had to be a reason behind Kite’s rules and Gon was going to find it.

Gon reached the lake nearly twenty minutes after climbing out his bedroom window. He left his bike leaning against a nearby tree, jumped over the wooden gate at the beach’s entrance, and made his way towards the edge of the water. He walked slowly, carefully, making sure to cast his eyes left and right for any signs of movement. He didn’t see anything out of place from earlier in the day—there was Kite’s research facility to the left, the forest rising up out of the beach to the right, and in front of him was the lake’s waterfront which was as calm as this afternoon when Gon first arrived. 

Rocks and shells crunched under his feet as Gon stopped short of the lake’s shallow waves. He gazed out across the water for several long, agonizing minutes. He was half expecting something— _anything_ —to happen. 

But nothing did. No monster rose out of the lake’s moonlit depths, no wolves ran out of the forest to attack. It was just a normal night on a normal lake and Gon wasn’t doing anything extraordinary by just standing here.

Gon sighed, shoulders slumping. Darn. He’d thought leaving Whale Island to work with Kite would be an adventure. He knew Kite was only looking out for him by setting those rules, but Gon didn’t _want_ to be safe and sheltered for the entirety of the summer. He wanted a mystery to unravel, a world to explore, a stranger to knock on his door—

“What are you doing here?”

Gon jumped. His foot slipped in the damp sand and he yelped, flailing his arms as he fell. Pain laced up his back as he hit the ground and Gon groaned. _Ow_. That hurt. He’d thought he’d been paying attention to his surroundings, but for someone to sneak up on him so silently was—

Wait. 

Gon twisted around on the sand. There, standing a few feet away with his arms crossed, stood a man Gon had never seen before. He was pale and looked generally unhappy with narrowed blue eyes and frowning mouth. He wore plain clothes with a simple chain necklace disappearing under his shirt collar. And atop his head was a mess of moonlit silver curls. 

Gon stared. He’d never seen anyone with white hair before except older people, but this man looked about his age. Why was his hair silver? Did he have a condition? 

“Did you hear what I said?” the stranger asked sharply and Gon started again. _“What are you doing here?_ Swimming in the lake at night is forbidden.”

“Oh—oh, no! You have it all wrong, I’m not here to swim—” Gon scrambled to stand as his mind raced to come up with some sort of excuse. Who _was_ this guy? Why had Kite told him not to visit the lake at night if other people were allowed to do it? “—I work with Kite at the research facility!”

“The research facility is closed at this hour. And Kite _definitely_ knows better than to hang around here after sunset. Are you new or something?”

Gon blinked. This guy knew Kite? “W-Well, yeah. I am, actually. Tomorrow is my first day.”

The stranger looked at Gon, long and hard. Silence stretched on, broken only by the sounds of crickets and splashing of waves, and Gon shifted awkwardly on his feet. The stranger’s blue eyes were piercing, unwavering, and Gon got the uncomfortable feeling that this man could read Gon’s every thought just by looking at him. 

“...I find it hard to believe Kite didn’t warn you about visiting at night,” the stranger said at last and Gon resisted the urge to duck his head in guilt. “I’ll give you a warning this time, but you should know this lake isn't a free-for-all where you can come and go as you please. You have to obey the rules. I don’t care if you’re with Kite or the mayor of the town or the damn governor. Got it? Get lost and don’t come back again after dark.”

Gon frowned. “Why not? And who are you anyway, do you own the lake or something?”

“My parents do,” the stranger retorted and Gon’s jaw dropped. “So, yeah, I’m allowed to say stuff like that. Now _go home.”_

Gon was still reeling from the comment. How could someone own an entire lake? But he collected enough of his wits to ask, “What happens if I don’t leave?” 

The stranger huffed. “You really are an idiot, huh? If you don’t leave, I’ll call the cops and you’ll be forcibly removed.” The stranger turned on his heel and strode off towards the forest. “Don’t let me see you here again—I won’t give you a warning next time.”

Gon watched the stranger until his silver hair disappeared into the shadows. For a moment, he debated staying just to see if the stranger actually would call the cops. But then he thought of Kite, who had offered him a place to work and live and escape from Whale Island, and all that rebellious energy drained right out of him.

He couldn’t do that to Kite. He just couldn’t.

So Gon reluctantly turned his back on the lake, climbed back over the gate and swung a leg over his bike.

 _Tomorrow_ , he decided as he began the ride back to Kite’s home. Tomorrow Gon would ask Kite about the stranger. Maybe he would know who he was.

**-o0o-**

“You’re very quiet. Did you get enough sleep?” Kite asked as he led Gon down the wooden dock next to the research facility.

Gon shrugged as best he could while weighed down by two heavy backpacks. He didn’t mind helping Kite. It was what he’d been brought here to do, after all. But his eyes were heavy and burning from lack of sleep—he’d spent all night tossing and turning, going over what the stranger had said and coming up with a hundred different possibilities of who he could be. His sleepless night made focusing harder than usual, but he wasn’t about to tell Kite all that. 

“I—I think all traveling from y-yesterday is catching up with me,” Gon panted, brow furrowed as he struggled to keep his grip on the bags, and Kite hummed.

“Well, hopefully this project will get your energy back up.”

Gon brightened. “You’re giving me a project?”

Kite nodded as the pair reached the end of the dock. “The reason we have this research facility is because the lake includes a slew of strange fish and other organisms in this lake. Someone needs to keep a status of the different species throughout the summer for our records. I was thinking you would be the perfect one to do it since you haven’t seen many of these animals before.”

“...will it involve a lot of paperwork?”

Kite laughed. “No, not at all. I just need you to take notes.”

Notes? Gon could do that, no problem. He just wanted something _different_ , something _exciting_. Something that didn’t involve being cooped up on the same island every year for the rest of his life with nowhere to go and nothing to see and no one to talk to—

“I’ll take those from you now.” Kite held out his arms and Gon handed the bags over. He watched curiously while Kite loaded the bags onto a wooden boat tied to the end of the dock. The boat rocked dangerously, almost sending the bags into the lake’s murky depths. 

“Alright, we’re ready.” Kite gestured to the boat. “You can get in first.” 

“Where are we going?” Gon asked, gingerly stepping one foot at a time into the boat. As hot as the temperature was during the summer, he didn’t feel like taking a dive right now. 

“To the middle of the lake,” Kite said and joined Gon. He tossed Gon an oar. “Here—you can help me row.”

Gon did as he was told and soon enough they were gliding across the calm surface of the lake. For a while it was quiet but for the sound of their heavy breathing and the gentle sloshing of the water hitting their boat. Off in the distance Gon could spot groups of families lounging on the beach next to Kite’s research facility. Children were building sand castles and collecting rocks, couples were sunbathing, swimmers were practicing their strokes. The crowd grew smaller and smaller as he and Kite peddled further into the lake, but the people reminded Gon of something—or someone, in particular. 

“Kite, can I ask you something?” Gon said as casually as he could, shifting his oar to the other side of the boat to steer their path straight. 

“What is it?”

“Do you know who owns the lake? Like a family...or a person...or someone?”

A very specific someone with blue eyes and silver hair and—

Kite looked up, grey eyes pinning Gon where he sat. “You went out at night,” he said shortly.

It wasn’t a question. 

Gon smiled awkwardly. He didn’t like to lie, but he hadn’t counted on Kite finding out so soon. Maybe after a few times of visiting the lake at night, sure, but not immediately after the first time he brought it up!

“Um, well, ‘went out’ is a very general term—”

“Gon,” Kite said, neatly cutting through Gon’s excuses with the simple call of his name, and Gon’s willpower crumpled. 

“Okay, maybe I did,” he admitted. “How did you know?”

“You would only be asking that sort of question if you met Killua. And you would have only met Killua if you visited the lake at night.”

Gon blinked. “You—You know him?” he asked as the man’s name echoed in his mind. _Killua._ His name was Killua. 

“I’ve had a few run-ins with him. He’s a nice man once you get to know him.”

“He wasn’t that nice to me,” Gon grumbled and heard Kite give a quiet huff of laughter. 

“You weren’t following the rules. I would expect as much.”

“I didn’t want to do anything bad!” Gon whined. “I was just—”

“Ignoring my warnings,” Kite finished for him and Gon winced. “Not listening to what I said, disobeying the rules.”

Gon stared at the bottom of the boat, head bowed as his paddling slowed. There was a tightness in his chest and his stomach was twisting in knots. “I’m sorry, Kite. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No. You shouldn’t. Do you think this job is a game, Gon? Do you think you are here to go off on your own and explore the wilderness and get paid for it?”

Gon’s head snapped up. “No! Kite, I would never—”

“You did, though,” Kite said. There was no sympathy in his voice, only a cold disappointment that sunk into Gon’s bones. “You didn’t listen.”

Gon looked away. His throat burned. Silence fell between them, stretching on for what seemed like an age. Gon didn't know what to say. Kite was right, he hadn’t listened. But Gon hadn’t expected to Kite to _actually_ get angry with him. 

Kite had been kind to Gon ever since the first time Gon called him. He was a good mentor and leader and friend. He was the one who told Gon everything he knew about Ging. And the only time he’d ever gotten upset with Gon was when a frustrated Aunt Mito called Kite to rant about the latest extraordinary foolish thing Gon had done. 

But...maybe Kite thought that what Gon did last night had been extraordinarily foolish, too.

“I’m sorry,” Gon said at last. It was a weak apology, but it was the best Gon could come up with. “I just wanted to know why you didn’t want me to visit the lake at night. But that’s not an excuse and I shouldn’t have disobeyed you. So—I’m sorry. I’m really, _really_ sorry.”

A pause. Gon’s heartbeat thudded in his ears—once, twice, three times—

Kite sighed and Gon dared to look up. Kite was pinching the bridge of his nose but the corners of his lip were curled in a small smile.

“Your dad was never one to follow the rules, either.”

Gon stayed silent, throat tight and breath stuck in his lungs.

“I forgive you, Gon. I can understand your curiosity, considering your background and where you grew up.”

Hope ballooned in Gon’s chest. Kite had forgiven him. He wasn’t mad!

But then Kite’s smile dropped. “However,” he said and Gon stiffened. “If you trespass on lake property one more time, I _will_ send you back home to Whale Island. I won’t offer you another opportunity. Do you understand?”

Gon’s heart plummeted sickeningly to the bottom of the boat. Going back home meant endless boring days and doing chores around the house and not having anything to look forward to. Gon couldn’t go back there—he _wouldn’t_.

Gon wanted to go out and explore the world, just like Ging had done. This job with Kite was the first step to doing that. And if securing Gon’s dream meant staying put for the next few months...then that’s exactly what he would do. 

So Gon swallowed down his frustration and protests, forcing himself to nod. “Yeah. I understand.”

“Good. Then there’s nothing else to discuss.” Kite lowered his oar and gestured around them with one hand. “Welcome, Gon, to the middle of the lake.”

Gon placed his own oar at the bottom of the boat and took in their surroundings. Kite was right—they had arrived more or less at the lake’s center. Only pinpricks of trees could be seen at the lake’s edge and Kite’s research facility looked like a Lego piece. Nothing was here but rippling water and the sky above their head.

“...wow,” Gon said, breathless. There was something serene about being in the middle of open water like this. Everything faded away into the background and all that mattered was Gon and Kite in their boat. “It’s beautiful!”

“It is. And it is here, Gon, that we find our reason for venturing out so far.”

Kite pointed. Gon squinted, following the direction of his finger. There, off in the distance was a spot of white no larger than Gon’s pinky finger. As Gon watched, the spot moved and shifted, its reflection rippling in the lake water.

“What is it?” Gon asked.

Kite lowered his arm. “It’s a swan. He showed up on the lake a few years ago and has been here ever since. I’ve been collecting samples from him for some time now.”

Gon frowned. Kite had mentioned earlier there were odd creatures on the lake. Had he been talking about this swan?

“Why do you take samples from him?” Gon asked, glancing at Kite, and Kite hummed.

“He has a strange genetic composition.”

“Strange? How?”

“The swan’s eyes are blue.”

Gon blinked. _“Blue?”_

“Yes, blue. And he’s been alone here since he arrived. No birds interact with him and, according to the locals, he never leaves no matter the season. He always stays.”

Gon looked back out. He couldn’t see the swan’s eyes from this far away. And it didn’t seem like the swan was interested in coming close enough for him to get a good glimpse, either. 

“...I don’t think he wants to visit us, today,” Kite mused. “He normally would have started to swim over to me by now but your presence must be scaring him. We can head back for the day, but we’ll return tomorrow.”

Gon looked at Kite in surprise. He had never heard of a swan approaching a human willingly before. They were unfriendly birds, acting territorial and aggressive to any person who got too close.

But maybe this one swan was different. Maybe there was something more to him than just the strange color of his eyes.

**-o0o-**

Later, as Gon laid on his bed that night going over the day’s events, he realized Kite had never elaborated on _why_ Gon couldn’t go to the lake.

Sure, he’d said it was dangerous. Gon could get lost or hurt because he didn’t know the area like how he knew Whale Island. And yes the land was technically private property, but Kite never mentioned that as the reason Gon shouldn’t go visit. Kite hadn’t answered his question about who owned the lake, either.

Gon huffed at the ceiling. Why did Kite care so much if Gon went to the lake or not? Did the reason have to do with the stranger from the night before—with Killua and his family? Or was it because of something else entirely? 

There was only one way to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11/22/2020
> 
> Welcome to Swan Feathers! :D This fic has been in progress since last April and has gone through like four or five different rounds of editing so I really hope it is free of errors by now lol! Big thank you to my friend xyliane on tumblr for going through this entire fic and beta'ing it, she's the reason why this fic is 100% more legible than when I first finished writing it.
> 
> So that being said this whole fic is actually completely finished, edited and ready to be posted on a weekly schedule! One chapter will be posted every Sunday (except for Sunday Dec 20th because I have something else planned for that week) from now on until we reach the end of this story ^-^ 
> 
> I've written four killugon long length multichapter fics by now - 1) Words That Water Flowers which I wrote for the fandom after getting like a hundred requests to write it, 2) Graffiti which I wrote for myself because I love gang and mafia aus, 3) an unposted fic that is ridiculously long and needs too much help to be posted anytime soon, and 4) Swan Feathers which started as a one shot but then exploded out of control lol. And even though this fic wasn't written to be a multichapter, I'm happy that I got to expand on the story and flesh it out to the 66k word count that it is today. Thank you for reading this first chapter and I hope you enjoy reading the rest of this fic as much as I did bringing it to life!
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	2. names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He waited several long moments for Killua to return. It was only after twenty minutes of waiting that Gon finally sighed and trudged over to his bike. He lifted it off the ground, swung his leg over the seat, and gave the moonlit lake one last glance. 
> 
> Killua was wrong. There was at least one exciting thing about the lake at night, one thing that made Gon curious enough to keep coming back. 
> 
> And that was Killua himself. 

Gon stared over the lake’s gate as his eyes strained to see in the dark. The moon was only about half it's normal size. The silver light it gave off was just enough to reflect off the lake and illuminate the area, but there were no additional man-made lights to help Gon see if anything out of the ordinary was happening on the beach.

The familiar guilt from earlier churned in Gon’s stomach again. He probably shouldn’t be doing this. He’d told Kite he wouldn’t go to the lake at night again, and although Gon technically wasn’t on lake property, he was still close enough that one trip could send him tumbling over the gate. If Kite found out he was here, would he fire him? Send him packing back to Whale Island?

No. 

Gon breathed in deep, steeling his nerves. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. Kite had never specifically told him not to go out at night, just that he couldn’t go onto lake property. So this was okay. And if Kite found out...well, then Gon would just have to explain his reasoning and convince Kite not to kick him out in the process. 

Gon squinted. He really couldn’t see much with just the moonlight. Maybe a flashlight would help?

He turned, waking over and squatting besides Kite’s bike. He had left it on the ground, too eager to see if anything exciting was happening on the lake to stand it up properly. But the flashlight he’d left in the basket should still be—

“You came back.”

Gon spun around, heart hammering. Killua stood on the other side of the gate with his arms crossed. He was wearing a different outfit then the last time Gon had seen him, but Gon spotted the same glint of a silver necklace wrapping around his neck and disappearing under his shirt. Killua must have a home nearby with clothes and other belongings—maybe even on lake property, since his parents owned the place. 

“Why am I not surprised,” Killua asked in an unimpressed drawl. 

“Heh, well…” Gon stood up and rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Then why are you here? Did you think I wouldn’t catch you this time?”

“Well, I’m not  _ technically _ on the lake, so….”

Killua’s eyes narrowed. “Why the sudden respect for private property? Let me guess—Kite yelled at you?”

Gon blinked rapidly, jaw dropping. “Wha—How did you—?”

Killua sighed and put his hands on his hips. “Listen, I’m here  _ every _ night. Okay? I’m never not gonna catch you lurking around here, so listen to your boss and stop coming back. Next time I see you here, I’ll call the cops immediately.”

The cops didn’t scare Gon. He’d gotten into enough tumbles as a child and he’d gotten equally as good at getting out of them. His main concern was hurting Kite. He didn’t want to see that cold disappointment from earlier in Kite’s eyes ever again. 

...there was something strange about Killua’s wording, though. Something that caught Gon’s attention. 

“Why do you come out here every night?” Gon asked with a tilt of his head. 

Killua stiffened. “That’s—That’s none of your business.”

“I’m just curious,” Gon said earnestly. He took a step forward, inching closer to the gate and the stranger standing on the opposite side. “It’s dark and cold. You could get hurt if you fall or trip. Why bother coming out here?”

“Again, it’s  _ none of your business.  _ Why are  _ you _ so motivated to keep coming out here?”

“If I tell you the reason, will you tell me yours?”

Killua snorted. “No.”

Gon frowned. “Oh. Well, then I’m not gonna tell you, either.”

“Fine!”

_ “Fine!” _

They fumed silently for a long moment. Gon glared at Killua and Killua glared back with those intense blue eyes of his. Their color reminded Gon of a summer sky, of the ocean surrounding Whale Island. They shone brightly even in the darkness of night. 

Killua leaned back with a huff and turned his back. Gon blinked, released from his trance. 

“Get lost, Gon,” Killua called over his shoulder. “Don’t let me find you here again.”

Gon watched Killua leave, a strangely tight feeling in his chest. He hadn’t gotten any of the answers he’d come for. Nothing dangerous had happened, no wild animals skunk out of the forest, no creature had risen from the lake’s depths. 

So far, the only thing on the lake at night seemed to be Killua himself. 

**-o0o-**

It was only on his way home that Gon realized something—Killua had called Gon by his name. 

But Gon had never mentioned his name to Killua. They hadn’t even done proper introductions because Killua was more concerned with telling Gon off than anything else. 

And Gon knew Killua’s name from Kite. But Killua...

How did  _ Killua _ know  _ Gon’s _ name?

**-o0o-**

Gon didn’t mention Killua to Kite the next day, too worried that Kite’s resulting anger would cause Kite to send Gon packing back to Whale Island. Besides, what was there to even tell Kite about? Nothing had happened last night besides Killua telling Gon off for a second time. 

Again during lunchtime Kite took Gon out to the middle of the lake and again the blue-eyed swan refused to swim over. Kite told Gon to be patient, that the swan was wary of strangers, but that he would come closer with time.

“Do you have a name for him?” Gon asked as they rowed back to the dock.

“For who?” Kite grunted.

“The blue-eyed swan you keep wanting me to meet.”

“...I don’t, actually. I normally just call him ‘the swan’. Do you have a better suggestion?”

Gon paused. He hadn’t met the swan yet. But he had often given names to the animals he befriended back on Whale Island… “I’ll come up with something, if that’s okay with you.”

Kite smiled. “Alright. I’ll trust you to come up with something fitting, then.”

**-o0o-**

“Do you know how annoying you’re being?”

Gon brightened upon seeing a familiar face emerge from the shadows. “Killua! You’re here!”

Killua scowled as he approached the gate. “How do you know my name?”

“How do you know mine?”

Killua blinked, looking startled, and his footsteps slowed. “I...I heard it around town. Word spreads quick in small communities like the one here.”

Gon frowned. Killua’s tone sounded off, somehow. Like he wasn’t sure he believed his own answer to Gon’s question. Was Killua lying? But, why? Gon just wanted to know how Killua knew his name. 

“How did  _ you _ learn  _ my _ name?” Killua repeated and Gon shook himself out of his thoughts. 

“Oh, um—Kite told me.”

“Kite shouldn’t have told you anything about me,” Killua said shortly and Gon frowned. “You need to leave. Now.”

“Why haven’t you called the cops yet?” Gon retorted. “You made it perfectly clear what would happen if I came back but you’re still here, talking with me. Why is that?”

Killua stiffened as he stood on the other side of the gate. Gon tilted his head. This was only his third time meeting Killua, but it was easy to read the emotions on his face—brows furrowed, blue eyes clouded over with thoughts, lips pressed into a thin line. Gon had always been good at reading people and it was no different with Killua. And Killua’s expression was telling Gon...

...that Killua didn’t  _ want _ to call the cops. That’s where all the hesitation and false threats were coming from. And if he didn’t want to call the cops on Gon, did that mean he secretly wanted Gon to stay?

“Can I ask you something?” Gon asked, sparing Killua from answering. “I promise I’ll leave after that.”

Killua eyed him suspiciously. “What is it?”

“Are there any dangerous animals that roam the lake at night? Or monsters?”

Killua stared. Then he threw his head back and laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed. The sound caught Gon off guard—he hadn’t heard Killua laugh before now. It sounded nice in a weightless, carefree sort of way. But Gon always loved hearing people’s laughter. It meant he made them happy in some small way. 

And it made Gon happy to know he made the sour-faced Killua happy, even if it was for just one small moment. 

“M-Monsters?” Killua gasped once he’d regained some control. “Dangerous animals? It’s a  _ lake _ —what are you expecting, the Loch Ness monster?”

Gon pouted. “That’s why Kite told me not to come to the lake!”

Killua snickered and shook his head. “There’s no dangerous animals here. And the only monster that comes by is my brother to check up on me. Otherwise there’s nothing even remotely exciting about this place.”

“You have a brother?”

Killua’s smirk fell away. “You...You didn’t hear that.”

“If your brother comes by to check on you, does that mean you live here  _ alone?” _

“I said you  _ didn’t hear that!”  _ Killua snapped and turned on his heel. He shoved his hands in his pockets, striding away from the gate. “Goodnight, Gon. Go home.”

Gon watched Killua disappear into the forest with a frown. He didn’t get it. If Killua really lived here alone...wouldn’t that make him lonely?

He waited several long moments for Killua to return. It was only after twenty minutes of waiting that Gon finally sighed and trudged over to his bike. He lifted it off the ground, swung his leg over the seat, and gave the moonlit lake one last glance. 

Killua was wrong. There was at least  _ one  _ exciting thing about the lake at night, one thing that made Gon curious enough to keep coming back. 

And that was Killua himself. 

**-o0o-**

“I think I’ve come up with a name,” Gon said, leaning against the side of the boat.

Kite glanced at him from the corner of the eye. “Have you?”

“Mhm.” Gon watched the swan—he was closer this time, just out of reach but near enough for Gon to actually  _ see _ the bright blue of his irises. Kite really wasn’t kidding about the bird’s eye color. Gon had never really seen anything like it, they were the color of a cloudless sky or the most perfect sapphire. The swan’s eyes were so blue, in fact, they almost looked like  _ human  _ eyes.

Killua’s narrow eyed glare swam to the front of Gon’s mind. He frowned, clenching his hands into fists.

He still hadn’t pieced together what Killua had been talking about last night. None of it made any sense. What kept Killua here if he had no one to laugh or cook dinner or go on walks with? Friends and family were what made life interesting. Without them, what was the point of staying in the same place?

“Gon?”

“H-Huh?” Gon started at the call of his name. 

Kite smiled kindly at him. “You said you came up with a name for the swan?”

“Oh!” Gon brightened. “Yeah! I’ve come up with something really,  _ really _ good.”

The swan turned toward him then, as if he’d heard and understood exactly what he and Kite were saying. Gon stared right back, equal parts amazed and stunned. He’d always believed animals understood human speech better than they let on. But even if that were true—this bird seemed to be exceptionally aware of Kite and Gon, more than any other animal Gon had encountered. 

“I want to name him Killua,” Gon said, and the swan stilled. 

“Killua?” Kite repeated with a raised eyebrow. “After the man you ran into the first day you stayed here?”

“Yep.”

“...is there a reason why you want to name the swan after him?”

Gon shrugged. “They kind of look similar? Killua has white hair and blue eyes and stuff. And he’s also kind of stand-offish.”

Kite was looking at him intently and Gon’s heart sank. Oh no. Had he said too much? He didn’t want Kite to find out he was still sneaking out at night!

“...Killua,” Kite repeated at long last before looking back at the swan. Gon let out a shaking breath as he was released from Kite’s stare. “Hm. What do you think? Do you like it?”

The swan was still frozen in the water. But after a long moment, the swan bowed its head.

Gon gaped. It was the most recognition he’d gotten from the bird since he arrived. 

Kite laughed. “Well, that settles it. Killua it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11/29/2020
> 
> Thank you everyone for the many comments and kind support you've given this story from the first chapter!!! I'm glad many of you are interested in this fic, even if the au isn't very common ^-^ I actually kept putting off writing this fic for the longest time because I wasn't sure if anyone would like it. But the idea for this fic stuck around in my head for so long that it would have been a waste not to at least try writing some part of it, aaaaand here we are nine-ish months later haha
> 
> Shoutout to xyliane on tumblr for helping me beta this chapter and the rest of the fic! I'll see you guys next week for chapter three~
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	3. friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s been years since I last had chocolate…”
> 
> Gon blinked. Then blinked again. “Years?”
> 
> Killua nodded, already chewing on another chunk of chocolate, and Gon’s mind raced. Killua seemed to be really enjoying the chocolate, so why would he not have had it in so long? Chocolate was in every general store in the country. Killua must have enough money to buy a piece of candy every so often. So why didn’t he? 
> 
> But this wasn’t the first strange thing Gon had learned about Killua. He lived here alone with only his brother to ‘check up’ on him and yet he didn’t—or maybe, couldn’t—leave. And now Gon discovered that Killua didn’t eat chocolate very often despite loving it so much. 
> 
> Was Killua under lockdown or something? Nothing about him made sense. 

Killua—the human, not the bird—was already sitting on the ground behind the gate when Gon pedaled towards the lake that night. Killua’s hair shone like a crown in the moonlight and the sight was more than enough to have a grin spreading across Gon’s face. So he leaned forward, racing the rest of the way to the gate. 

“Killua!” he called out joyfully once he was in earshot and threw his hand up in a wave.

“...hey,” Killua said, lips twisted in a frown. 

Gon could feel the weight of Killua’s gaze as he slowed to a stop and dropped the bike ungraciously to the ground. When he turned, he was met with the full force of Killua’s blue eyes. They were bright, piercing—the most vibrant and captivating color in this land of shadows. 

“You were waiting for me?” Gon asked as he dropped to his knees in front of the gate. 

“I knew you would come back.”

“Oh, really? Why’s that?”

Killua shrugged. “Nothing I’ve said has stopped you yet.”

_ “You  _ haven’t stopped me yet,” Gon pointed out, and Killua’s frown deepened. “Why do you spend all this time scolding me if you’re not gonna do anything about it? Are your friends too busy to hang out or something?”

He’d meant that last bit as a joke—because even if Killua was alone here, he  _ had _ to have friends—but the way Killua’s face went blank made Gon’s stomach drop to the ground. 

Killua lowered his eyes. He picked up a rock, slowly turning it over in his pale hands. “That’s not it. I mean, I...I don’t…” He swallowed. “I don’t have any friends.”

Gon’s blood ran cold. “You...what?”

“I’ve never spent this much time with someone my age, before.”

“No, I—I heard what you said, I meant— _ why?  _ Everyone has friends!”

Killua’s responding laugh was hollow. “Everyone but me, it feels like.”

Silence fell between them. Gon watched Killua continue to play with the rock, detabing on what to do. Part of him wanted to tell Killua that he was wrong, that not everyone had friends, that _he_ would be Killua’s friend if Killua would just stop threatening him. No one deserved to struggle through life without a single helping hand or someone to make them laugh. 

But no matter how badly Gon wanted to declare a friendship with Killua, the other, more sensible part of Gon that sounded suspiciously like Aunt Mito whispered that Killua was too skittish to take such a bold statement seriously. They’d only talked three times and Killua had tried scaring him away at every possible moment.

Maybe trying to be his friend and providing that companionship would be better than flat out  _ telling _ Killua he would be his friend?

Gon folded his legs, placing his hands on his knees and rocking a little. “I didn’t have any friends growing up,” he admitted. 

Killua looked at him quickly. His blue eyes were large, shining in the moonlight. “Really?” 

Gon nodded. “I grew up on an island with my aunt and grandmother. The only other kid in town was a little girl nearly ten years younger than me. So I was alone.” He paused. “I was...really lonely.”

He could still feel it, that crushing weight of isolation pressing down on his chest and filling his lungs. He couldn’t breathe around it. He couldn’t live with it. It was the reason he had to leave.

And by the wide-eyed look on Killua’s face, he understood that crushing loneliness, too.

“Is that why you came here?” Killua asked quietly. 

“That’s part of the reason, yeah. Kite works here during the summers but the rest of the year he travels around the world helping save endangered animals. And I wanted to travel and learn about the world and meet all sorts of people. Joining Kite’s team was the best way to do all that.” 

Killua looked down at his lap. He didn’t say anything, just fiddled with the rock in his long, elegant fingers. Almost everything about Killua was long and sharp and thin, from his cheekbones to his nose to his limbs. Gon hadn’t noticed that before. But then again, this was the longest time he’d spent with Killua.

“Killua, why are you here?” Gon asked after a pause and Killua’s fingers stilled. “You said you didn’t have any friends and it doesn’t sound like your family is around either. What’s keeping you from leaving?”

Killua’s lips thinned. He threw the rock off to the side. “Doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean? Of course it does!”

Killua barked out a laugh. “Why? I’m a stranger, what does it matter to you if I live here on my own or not?”

He got to his feet, brushing the dirt off his shorts, and Gon quickly stood up, too. “Killua, wait! I—”

“Save your breath, Gon,” Killua said sharply as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “You don’t know me and it’s better if you don’t.”

He turned away. Confusion and frustration washed over Gon. What was Killua talking about? Why was he so upset with Gon all of a sudden?

“Killua, I don’t understand!” he shouted. He dared to take a step forward and Killua whirled around.

“Take a single step on the property and you’ll regret it!” Killua snapped and Gon froze. “I mean it this time, Gon.  _ Leave. _ ”

He stomped across the beach, heading towards the forest. Gon scowled.

“You're not making any sense!” he yelled at Killua’s retreating back. “Why do you wait for me to come, then push me away? Killua! Ki-llu-aaaaaaa!”

But Killua didn’t turn around. He just ducked his head under a tree branch and vanished into the woods, leaving Gon to fume alone on the other side of the gate.

**-o0o-**

The next day was the first time Kite trusted Gon to go out and visit the swan alone.

“I have to pick up a shipment from the post office,” was Kite’s response when Gon protested.

“But—But what if he won’t come close?”

“We can go a few more days without sampling from him. But I would prefer for you to spend some time on your own with him. It would save me a lot of work if you could get samples from him by yourself in the future.”

And that was how Gon found himself staring gloomily at his own reflection in the lake water. It was a rare grey day at the lake, clouds rolling overhead like waves. The weather only worsened Gon’s already sour mood, which had carried over from the night before.

Because, even though hours had passed since he vanished into the woods, Killua was still all Gon could think about.

Gon sighed heavily, lifting his gaze to the swan. The bird swam back and forth just a few feet away from Gon’s boat. Gon didn’t blame him for keeping his distance. Gon didn’t feel like hanging out with himself either. 

The swan was actually sort of similar to Killua in many ways. This bird was always alone, just like Killua. Kite told Gon swans mate for life but no other swan had migrated to this lake and the swan never left. He stayed—just like Killua, who lived here alone with no family and no friends. 

“You remind me of someone,” Gon told the swan. “I named you after him, actually. He’s a loner, too. But I think he’s just cold because he doesn’t know what it’s like to have friends. Or maybe he’s scared of letting someone in.

“But that doesn’t erase the fact he’s all alone. He’s got to be lonely.” Gon followed the swan’s path as he pivoted in the water. “Aren’t you lonely, too?”

The swan turned and Gon sat up straight, heart jumping into his throat. The bird was staring directly at Gon. His blue eyes were piercing, startling, and Gon sucked in a breath. 

Had the swan understood Gon, just now? 

But then the moment passed. The bird looked away again and swam off in the opposite direction. Gon watched him grow smaller and smaller, until he was nothing more than a white dot on the lake and Gon was left alone again with his own racing thoughts. 

What had  _ that  _ been about?

**-o0o-**

Killua wasn’t waiting for Gon at the lake’s gate that evening. That was okay, though. Gon was sort of expecting that reaction. Killua hadn’t exactly been happy when he left yesterday and there wasn’t any reason he would be happier to see Gon tonight.

But that was why Gon came prepared.

“Killuaaaaa!” he yelled. His voice rolled across the sand and distant shore, echoed off the silent trees of the forest. “Hey, Killua! Where are you? I brought you a gift!”

He waited. There was no response except for the dull buzz of crickets in the air around him. 

After a minute had passed, Gon cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted even louder, “It’s something really gooooood! And yummy! Don’t you wanna at least see what it is? I’m not gonna leave until you come out!”

Gon lowered his hands and waited again. This time he only counted to thirty seconds before he spotted a familiar crown of silver hair popping out from behind one of the forest trees.

Gon’s heart leaped. “Killua!” he called, a grin spreading across his face. “Hey—Killua!”

“I can hear you just fine from here,” Killua grumbled as he neared. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and his expression was blank, almost warily so. “There’s no need to shout.”

Gon shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if you’d heard me.”

Killua gave him a scowl that told Gon that Killua didn’t believe him in the slightest. “I’m _ only  _ here to see what the gift is.” 

Gon bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling. Killua reminded him of a wild animal in many ways—hesitant at first, slow to open up, but curious enough to chase after whatever was dangled in front of his face. “You’ll love it,” Gon said as he rummaged in the bag draped over his shoulder.

“How do you know?”

“Because—” Gon pulled a chocolate bar out of his backpack and held it up with a grin, “—everyone loves candy.”

Killua’s eyes grew large. He stared at Gon’s gift, unblinking, still as a statue. For a moment, Gon was worried he’d stopped breathing.

“Um.” Gon frowned. “Killua—?”

“Is that _ chocolate?” _

“Er...yes?” 

Killua strode forward and thrust his hand out. “Give it.”

_ Oh,  _ interesting. So Killua did like chocolate, then. He really,  _ really  _ liked it if the gleam in his blue eyes was anything to go by.

Gon pulled his arm back once Killua reached the gate. “I’ll give it to you on one condition.”

“What is it?” Killua asked, hand already palm-up for the candy bar. 

“You have to answer a question.”

“What kind of question?”

“Any question,” Gon said simply. “Whatever I want to ask, you answer.”

Killua pursed his lips. Gon could spot a dozen different thoughts filtering through those blue eyes of his. But whatever debate was going on in his head, it didn’t last for long. 

“Fine,” Killua relented. “Now  _ gimme.” _

Gon’s lips twitched. Killua looked kind of cute like this, with pleading eyes and puffed out cheeks. It was so different from how Gon normally saw him. The Killua Gon knew was usually closed off and cold, hardly showing any emotion except distain—

_ “Gon,”  _ Killua growled. He made a grabbing motion with his hands. 

Oh, right. The chocolate. 

Gon tossed the candy over the gate and Killua snatched it out of the air. Gon watched, amazed, as Killua tore open the package and took a large bite. 

Killua’s eyes fluttered shut in bliss. “Damn, that’s good,” he groaned. 

Gon laughed. “It’s been that long, huh?”

_ “Yes.  _ It’s been years since I last had chocolate…”

Gon blinked. Then blinked again. “Years?”

Killua nodded, already chewing on another chunk of chocolate, and Gon’s mind raced. Killua seemed to be really enjoying the chocolate, so why would he not have had it in so long? Chocolate was in every general store in the country. Killua must have enough money to buy a piece of candy every so often. So why didn’t he? 

But this wasn’t the first strange thing Gon had learned about Killua. He lived here alone with only his brother to ‘check up’ on him and yet he didn’t—or maybe, couldn’t—leave. And now Gon discovered that Killua didn’t eat chocolate very often despite loving it so much. 

Was Killua under lockdown or something? Nothing about him made sense. 

“Killua…” Gon asked, taking a step closer to the gate, and Killua glanced at him. “Are you really here alone?”

Killua hesitated. He broke off another piece of chocolate before saying, “For the most part. My brother visits every once and awhile, like I told you already.”

“How often is every once and awhile?”

“Every few months, I guess. Why?” Killua narrowed his eyes. “You aren’t going to try something stupid like tell off my brother for leaving me alone, are you? I’m an adult, I can take care of myself.”

Gon immediately crushed the idea that had been forming in his mind. Killua was right—it would be silly of Gon to lash out at Killua’s brother when Gon still didn’t know  _ why  _ Killua was isolated here in the first place. Maybe Killua’s brother had nothing to do with it.

“I know you can take care of yourself,” Gon said hastily as Killua continued to glare at him. “I’m an adult, too. But being an adult doesn’t mean you don’t feel sad or alone.”

Killua lowered the chocolate bar. He stared at Gon, long and hard. The intensity of his gaze did something funny to Gon’s stomach. It was the kind of look that pinned Gon where he stood, that made Gon feel like Killua could read all his thoughts. Like Killua saw and knew every part of Gon. 

“I am alone,” Killua said at long last. “But it’s for the best.” 

_ “What?  _ No, it’s not! Why would you say that?” 

Gon refused to believe that. No one deserved to be abandoned. It was a diminishing and miserable existence, the kind Gon had experienced first hand. 

And maybe that was the reason why he kept coming back to visit Killua. Because he understood what it meant to be lonely, friendless. And he didn’t want another person to suffer like he did. 

“Because it’s the truth,” Killua said shortly. “Don’t push it, Gon. Your chocolate got you one question, not two.”

Gon pouted. Darn it. He had already asked his question, hadn't he?

“Let me ask you one more thing.”

“Are you an idiot? I just said—”

“Would you like to be friends?”

Killua stiffened. “Wh-What?”

“Would you like to be friends?” Gon repeated, resisting the urge to cross the gate separating him and Killua. It wasn’t a very tall gate, only coming to his waist and made of wood in a criss-cross pattern. Gon could see Killua clearly through the spaces between the wooden planks but the gate still felt like a barrier between the two of them. 

Yet Gon had promised Kite he wouldn’t go on lake property. So here he would stay. 

“Why—You—”

Killua was red faced and stammering. It was the first time Gon had seen him properly stunned. Again, Gon was struck by how much nicer this unguarded Killua looked as opposed to the frowning one he usually met with. 

“Because I want to,” Gon said simply and Killua shut his mouth. “I think we have a lot in common and I like talking to you. I think we could have fun together.”

Killua sucked in a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “You are crazy. Absolutely crazy.”

Gon grimaced. Okay. Not the response he had been hoping for. “Why would me wanting to be friends with you make me crazy?”

“Because! I push you away every time you come here! I refuse to tell you anything about myself and I threaten you with the cops on a nightly basis!”

Gon shrugged. “If we’re friends, you wouldn’t call the cops on me. And I could get to know you over time. I don’t mind being patient—I’m here all summer.”

Killua stood there with his half-eaten candy bar, gaping at Gon. He didn’t speak for a long moment and Gon tilted his head to this side curiously. What was Killua so hesitant about? Why didn’t he want to let Gon in?

“It’s up to you,” Gon said after a pause. “Really. I won’t force you to do anything but...think about it. It could be a lot of fun.”

Gon walked backwards, keeping his gaze on Killua. Killua eyed him in turn as Gon picked the bike off the gravel and swung one leg over the seat. It was kind of nice to have  _ Killua _ be the one to watch  _ Gon  _ go this time. 

“I’ll come back tomorrow for your answer!” Gon said loudly. 

“What makes you so sure I’ll be here?”

Gon grinned. “Because you told me so yourself—you’re always around at night.”

Killua’s cheeks turned a pretty shade of red. “Y-You...Don’t be a smartass, Gon.”

Gon snickered Hope fluttered in his chest, light and alive as a bird’s wing. Then he put his feet to the pedals and rode off with a wave.

“See you tomorrow, Killua!”

“Don’t come back unless you bring me more chocolate!”

Gon laughed all the way back to Kite’s house. 

**-o0o-**

Gon could barely sleep for the rest of the night, riding off the high of his conversation with Killua. Sure, the other man hadn’t explicitly said they could be friends, but Gon had a good feeling about Killua. His gut told him Killua was just as lonely as Gon, that he wanted friends just as badly, too.

Gon’s excitement to see Killua again carried him through the morning and the rest of the day. He hummed as he opened Kite’s package from the post office, beamed while helping Kite take notes on his latest water samples from the lake, and whistled in Kite’s boat on his way to visit the blue-eyed swan. 

The swan seemed to be in a good mood, too. He swam closer to Gon than ever before, even eating some of the bread crumbs Gon had brought along to entice him. It was both encouraging and strange to have the swan so close—Gon knew swans weren’t the friendliest of animals, they usually avoided humans at all costs, but Kite did say this swan was special. And if Kite said this swan would befriend Gon in time, then Gon believed him.

During the later part of the afternoon, Gon found himself skimming through old research papers of Kite’s. The articles were long, detailed, and dense. The extravagant wording alone was enough to make Gon’s head spin and his eyes droop. He had a hard time focusing on the task at hand, struggling to get through a few sentences at a time.

Gon knew his exhaustion was a sure sign his late night exertions were starting to take a toll on him. But he refused to let sleep overcome him. He  _ had _ to stay awake if he was planning on seeing Killua again tonight. And so, the moment Kite’s soft snoring started to echo down the hallway, Gon slipped out of his bedroom window and rushed to grab his bike.

Killua was already at the gate as Gon pedaled towards the lake. Warmth flooded Gon’s chest at the sight of familiar silver hair and blue eyes. This had to be a good sign, right? Killua must be just as excited as Gon if he was waiting for him.

“Killua!” Gon said happily as he stopped next to the gate. “You’re here!”

Killua’s lips twitched. “I told you I would be.” He jerked his head towards the lake. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Gon froze, hands still on the bike’s handlebars and only one foot on the ground. “Wh-What?”

“I want to show you something.”

“Something...on the lake?”

Killua rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”

“But—But you said you would call the cops if I ever crossed the gate line.”

“Yeah, well…” Killua lowered his gaze to the ground, digging the top of his sneaker into the dirt. “The situation has changed. I won’t call the cops if you come with me. I promise.”

Gon got off his bike and lowered it to the ground. He slowly approached the gate, but hesitated to cross it. This was what he had wanted for so long—to explore the lake and learn why Kite was so against him visiting at night. But Gon had also promised he wouldn’t trespass on lake property. The only reason why he was still visiting Killua was because he remained on this side of the gate and outside of the lake’s borders, not breaking Kite’s trust.

“What’s wrong?” Killua asked and Gon looked at him. Killua was frowning, his brow furrowed. “Do you not want to come?”

“No!” Gon said quickly. “No, of course I do! It’s just...I made a promise to Kite I wouldn’t come to the lake at night.”

“You take promises that seriously?”

Gon pouted. “Yes! I’ve never broken a promise.  _ Never.” _

Killua shook his head. “You’re something else, Gon.”

“Er—thank you?” Gon  _ thought _ that was a compliment, at least. 

“Look.” Killua marched forward, until he was right in front of Gon, and Gon sucked in a breath. This was the closest he and Killua had ever been to each other. Gon could count every silver eyelash, spot the thin silver streaks in his blue irises. 

_ “I  _ promise,” Killua said slowly. “That Kite would be fine with you coming out here at night with my permission. Okay? He told you off so you wouldn’t get in trouble with my family. But if you’re with me, there’s nothing to worry about. Got it?”

He stepped back again and Gon remembered how to breathe. “Now,” Killua said with a huff. “Do you want to stand on the other side of that gate for the rest of your nights here? Or do you actually want to do something  _ exciting?” _

A grin slowly spread across Gon’s face. The answer was easy. 

He braced his hands on the gate and jumped. 

**-o0o-**

They walked for a long, long while.

Not that Gon minded! This was the longest he’d been alone with Killua and he would be lying if he didn’t want to learn more about the mysterious stranger. That, and it was kind of mesmerizing to watch Killua move through the shadows. He ducked and slid under tree branches and around bushes, graceful and nimble as an eel in water. Killua reminded Gon of himself back on Whale Island in many ways, of how easily he could navigate the terrain on the darkest of nights and the brightest of days.

“You really know this place, huh?” Gon asked, and Killua glanced back.

“Yeah. My family’s house is just up there—” Killua pointed through the trees towards a sharp sloping hill “—so this forest is kind of like my backyard. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent exploring the woods.”

“Wow.” Gon squinted through the trees but he couldn’t make out anything in the shadows. Killua’s home must be pretty well hidden anyway if Gon hadn’t seen Killua’s house during the many afternoon hours he’d spent on Kite’s boat. 

“What?”

“Huh?” Gon looked back to see Killua still looking over his shoulder at him. 

“You said ‘wow’.”

“Oh! I was just thinking—we’re really alike!”

Killua frowned. He stopped in front of a cluster of bushes and turned to face Gon, arms crossed. “What makes you say that? We’re completely different.”

“Not really? I grew up in the wilderness, too. My aunt’s house is on top of one of the biggest hills on our island. I used to go off on my own so much when I was younger that my aunt made me wear one of those tracker necklace things so she would always know where I was.”

Nostalgia washed over Gon in a wave. This was the longest he’d been away from Whale Island and Aunt Mito. He didn’t regret it—traveling the world was his top priority in life right now. A little bit of homesickness wouldn’t sway Gon from his dream. But a part of Gon would always miss the place he’d grown up.

There was a light laugh. “No wonder you don’t have any regard for personal property.”

Gon shook himself out of his reverie. He looked back to Killua, then did a double take. 

Because Killua was smiling at him—really,  _ really _ smiling at him. His blue eyes crinkled at the edges and his lips curled upwards. Gon stared, unable to stop himself, and Killua’s grin widened slightly.

“You grew up totally wild, huh?” Killua asked teasingly.

And just like that, the spell was broken.

“Hey,” Gon whined. “That’s mean, Killua!”

“Don’t get mad just ‘cause it’s true~” Killua said in a sing-song tone as he turned and vanished into the underbrush. 

Gon watched him go, a warm feeling in his chest. Who knew Killua liked to joke around? 

He quickly moved to follow his guide, catching the branches Killua pushed aside before they could smack into his face. When Gon finally made it through the brush, he was met with a clear, grassy landing overlooking a cliff. Killua was standing close to the grass’ edge with his back to Gon. The sound of rushing water filled Gon’s ears—maybe that’s what Killua was looking at?

Gon moved forward to join him. “Killu—AH!”

Gon’s foot slid out from under him. Too late, Gon realized he’d just stepped into a patch of mud. The world spun in a blur of shadows as Gon gasped—

“Woah!”

—and then something grabbed onto his wrist, stopping his fall and saving him from a muddy demise. 

Gon blinked, suspended in the air. He lowered his gaze from the starry, moonlight sky to see Killua’s hands gripping Gon’s wrist. Killua’s pale face was pinched with the effort of keeping Gon upright but still his hold on Gon didn’t loosen. 

“Are you okay?” Killua grunted as he pulled Gon upright and forward onto solid, grassy ground. “You have to be careful—didn’t I tell you to follow my steps exactly? You might have grown up in the woods but you didn’t grow up in  _ these _ woods.”

“Y-Yeah,” Gon stammered out. Even though he hadn’t fallen, his heart refused to slow down. “Sorry. I didn’t see the mud…”

Killua sighed. “You’re lucky I was here.  _ And  _ you’re lucky we don’t have to go anywhere else.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve arrived.” He pointed at the view beyond the cliff and Gon frowned.

“Huh? Where’s— _ oh.” _

Finally Gon understood why Killua led him on a twenty minute hike through the forest at night. The towering cliff they stood on overlooked a cascading wall of rocks with water flowing over every creek and crevice. Moonlight illuminated the scene from above, staining the waterfall a shimmering silver.

“Oh,” Gon breathed, moving to stand shoulder to shoulder with Killua. “This...This is beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?” Killua sounded proud of himself and was grinning smugly when Gon glanced at him. “It’s one of my favorite spots. All the water in the lake actually comes from this one waterfall.”

“Wow, really? The whole lake?”

“Yep. Isn’t it amazing? This single movement created a whole ecosystem and yet no one even knows it exists.”

Gon hadn’t thought of it that way. But Killua was right. Because of this waterfall, generations of life had been born. One opportunity, and a new world had been created.

“Thank you,” Gon said at last and Killua looked at him sharply.

“For what?”

“For this!” Gon gestured around them. “For allowing me to come onto your property, for not letting me fall into the mud, for showing me this waterfall. This made me really, really happy!”

Killua quickly looked away. Gon thought he saw the tips of Killua’s ears turn red, but it was hard to tell in the dark. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Killua grumbled. “You don’t need to thank me for any of that.”

“Why not? I really appreciate everything you did for me tonight. You deserve to be thanked.”

“That’s—That’s not—” Killua sighed heavily before turning to face Gon directly. His nose was wrinkled, his lips pursed. “That’s not the point.”

“What’s the point, then?”

“The  _ point,” _ Killua said, his cheeks starting to darken to match his ears. “Is that friends don’t thank friends. I did all this for you because I wanted to do it. You don’t have to thank me.”

Gon stared. For a moment he was speechless. 

_ Friends.  _ Killua had just called Gon his friend!

“We should probably be heading back,” Killua said with one last look at the waterfall. “It’s getting late and I don’t want Kite to catch you sneaking back into his house.”

Gon shook himself as Killua disappeared once more into the underbrush. “W-Wait, Killua! Wait for me!”

He chased after his new friend, heart lighter than it had been in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/6/2020
> 
> Another chapter done, another step forward for Gon and Killua~~~
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer than the last two ones. There's no specific reason for it, as I've mentioned before I wrote this fic in one go and then broke it up into chapters only after it was totally finished. So some chapters will be 2k words while others might be 8k. But I really do appreciate the many comments and love this story has gotten so far it warms my heart to know people are excited to see where this fic is going ^-^
> 
> As always thank you to my friend and beta reader xyliane on tumblr! I'll see you all next week!
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	4. moonless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I won’t be here tomorrow night. So there’s no reason for you to come around.”
> 
> "Why? I thought you said you come here every night.”
> 
> “I do. Just...not tomorrow night. I have a family thing.”
> 
> Gon blinked. A family thing? Hadn’t Killua's family abandoned him here?

The problem with staying up every night for several hours was that, after a while, the lack of sleep tended to catch up to a person.

And finally, after about a week of jet lag, sneaking out of and back into the house, waking up early for work and trying to keep it all a secret from Kite, sleep _did_ catch up with Gon. And it caught up with him during an afternoon visit with Killua the swan.

One moment he was leaning back in the wooden boat, watching the clouds pass peacefully overhead, and the next there was a sharp jab to his shoulder and Gon was blinking drearily to see a feathered head with blue eyes staring back at him.

_SQUAWK!_

“AHH—!" 

Gon scrambled away from the swan, trying to get out of the way as the large bird threw his head back and flapped his great wings.

“Ah—! Killua! Killua!” Gon cried and threw up his arms to protect himself from splashes of water. “Killua—stop! Stop it, why are you—?”

It was only then that Gon felt a cool breeze on his arms. He blinked, finally noticing the sky was a myriad of scarlet-gold-purple. Shadows cast by the forest trees were starting to creep across the lake. Gon scrambled around to look at the beach and his heart jumped to his throat as he saw the last family packing up for the day.

He’d slept the day away. 

“Oh, no.” Gon threw himself across the boat to grab the oars. Killua the swan hissed as the boat rocked the water, sending waves across the normally-still lake. “Oh no, oh no, oh _no._ I have to get back! Kite is going to kill me!”

Gon began to row like his life depended on it. The boat started to glide across the lake and back towards the dock next to the research facility. He was lucky—there were still lights on inside, meaning Kite hadn’t packed up for the day. If Gon got back in time, he could avoid a scolding.

Gon glanced back. The swan was still there, watching him.

“Thank you!” Gon called to the swan, cupping one hand around his mouth as the other continued to push the boat along. “I’ll make sure to bring you more bread crumbs tomorrow!”

The swan bowed and Gon grinned.

He must have made some progress with the bird if he was willing to help Gon. But how did the swan know Gon was going to be late?

Gon didn’t know. Maybe the swan was just being a swan, maybe he was getting tired of Gon intruding on its territory. But Gon had a feeling that wasn’t it. Since the moment they’d met, Gon had realized the swan was more aware of humans than most animals. He was much kinder than the average swan, too. He actually seemed to like Kite and he was slowly warming up to Gon, too.

Kite was right—there was something different about Killua the swan. Something unique. But he wasn’t that different from the human he was named after in that regard. 

**-o0o-**

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’ve been tired ever since you arrived here,” Kite commented hours later as he and Gon prepared for dinner. The steady chops of his knife hitting the cutting board echoed around the kitchen and in Gon’s ears like the ticks of a clock. “Is the jet lag from your flight still bothering you?”

Gon frowned down at his pile of carrots. No, it wasn’t jet lag that caused Gon’s eyes to droop too early in the day or for him to climb into bed at eight o’clock in the evening. It wasn’t jet lag that got him out of his comfortable bed once Kite’s snores started echoing through the house. It wasn’t jet lag motivating him to sneak out his bedroom window and bike twenty minutes to the lake. 

But he couldn’t tell Kite that. And he didn’t want to outright lie, either. Not after stumbling through the research facility door a minute before Kite locked up for the day. He needed some sort of excuse to tell his mentor.

“I’m not sure?” Gon ran the peeler down the carrot’s sides in practiced movements. “I think I’m just adjusting to having a full time job. Even when I took online classes for college I still had lots of time to mess around and do whatever I wanted. It’s different working.”

Kite hummed. “I see. Well, if this is all too much for you, we can cut back on your responsibilities—I don’t need your aunt to give me an earful the next time she calls—”

“No!” Gon cried out and Kite blinked, his knife stilling. “No—I mean...I really like learning from you, Kite. If I’m going to continue working and traveling with you after the summer, then I have to gain as much experience as possible! No matter how tired I am! And— _please_ don’t tattle on me to Aunt Mito.”

Kite seemed startled at first by Gon’s sudden speech. But then, after a moment, he laughed. 

“You’re so much like your father,” he said with a shake of his head. “Alright. As long as you’re sure your exhaustion won’t interfere with your job, I won’t lighten your workload.”

Gon beamed. “Thank you, Kite.”

Kite nodded silently in turn before turning back to chopping his peppers. Gon began peeling his carrots again, but now his mind was racing. 

He meant what he said to Kite. He didn’t want to lose any of the responsibilities assigned to him. He liked taking notes for Kite, running errands, cleaning test tubes, and visiting Killua the swan on the daily. It was mostly busy work, but Kite always took the time to explain to him what tests they were performing and why. Gon had already learned and understood more biology from Kite’s small lessons than all of Aunt Mito’s years of homeschooling. 

But on the other hand, the busy days of work weighed on Gon by the time he went to bed. And waking up for a few hours each night prevented Gon from recovering his usual energy. That in turn caused Gon to underperform at work. 

Gon frowned and quickened his peeling. He didn’t want to let Kite down but he refused to break off his newly formed friendship with Killua. Both Kite and Killua were important to his life here on the lake and he wanted to be his best self for them. 

He had to figure how to strike a balance between the two. Otherwise, he’d be heading back to Whale Island as early as next week. 

**-o0o-**

“You’re late,” Killua commented when Gon finally rolled up to the lake. He was leaning against the gate post, arms crossed and silver hair windswept. Seeing him there, waiting for Gon like he both expected and wanted Gon’s company—it made Gon warm all over. 

Because as much as Gon was Killua’s first real friend, _Killua_ was also _Gon’s_ first real friend. And it was nice to know the desire for friendship was reciprocated.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you wait.” Gon slowed his bike to a stop and slid down from the seat. “I kind of accidentally fell asleep on the job today. So me and Kite ended up making dinner later than usual.”

Killua lifted an eyebrow. “How do you ‘kind of accidentally’ fall asleep in the middle of the day?”

Gon shrugged. “I’m not sure, I just...did? I think staying up so late is getting to me.”

Killua didn’t respond. When Gon looked up at him, there was a frown etched across his lips.

“What?” Gon asked and Killua bit his lip. Gon’s gut twisted. They might not have known each other for very long, but with every meeting Killua showed more and more of his true self. And Killua’s current expression told Gon he wasn’t going to like what Killua was about to say. 

Killua began hesitantly, “If this is too hard for you—”

“It’s not!” Gon said quickly. He dropped the bike against the gate post, jumping the gate before rushing to Killua’s side. He grabbed Killua’s hands in both of his, squeezing tightly. “It’s not. I promise. I can keep visiting you and stay awake long enough to do the work Kite needs from me. I’m okay.”

It was hard to tell in the moonlight, but it almost looked as though Killua’s cheeks were darkening. His blue eyes darted to their intertwined hands, then back to Gon’s face. “I don’t want you to lose sleep, Gon. I don’t want you to be so exhausted you can’t do the job you came here for.”

“I’m not too tired,” Gon insisted again. “I’m fine. Really.”  
  
“Why is it I don’t believe you?”

Gon pouted. He was being honest! “I mean it, Killua. I wouldn’t lie!”

“I didn’t say you were lying. I just think you’re too stubborn for your own good. Even if visiting me was taking a toll on you, I doubt you would admit it.”

Gon blinked once. Then twice. Sure, they’d been visiting each other every night since Gon had arrived. But for Killua to read him so clearly...it was surprising.

“A-Anyway.” Killua tugged his hands out of Gon’s before shoving them in his pockets and glancing off to the side. “Even if you say you’re fine, you should stay home tomorrow night.”

All at once, Gon’s blood ran cold. “What? Why?”

He didn’t understand. Was Killua pushing him away for ‘his own good’? Or was it because of something else? Had Gon upset him in some way? Gon’s stomach plummeted sickeningly to the damp sand under his shoes. 

“Wha—hey!” Killua said, sounding alarmed as he caught sight of the expression on Gon’s face. “Gon, calm down, jeez. This has _nothing_ to do with what you just told me!”

“But—But you just said—”

“I _said_ it has nothing to do with what you just told me.” Killua shook his head and his necklace glistened in the moonlight. “It’s not because of you. Okay? It’s because of me. I won’t be here tomorrow night. So there’s no reason for you to come around.”

...oh.

“Oh,” Gon said aloud and Killua snorted. “But, why? I thought you said you come here every night.”

“I do. Just...not tomorrow night. I have a family thing.”

Gon blinked. A family thing? Hadn’t Killua's family abandoned him here?

“Please, Gon,” Killua said and Gon pursed his lips. “Don’t come here tomorrow. Just get some sleep.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I am.”

Gon sighed, shoulders drooping. “Fine. I won’t come around here tomorrow.”

The tightness in Killua’s face eased. “Good.”

“You’ll be back the following night, though?”

“‘Course. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Gon grinned again. “Good,” he echoed. He reached out to grab Killua’s hand and began tugging him to the side of the beach. “C’mon, let’s go!”

Killua let out a yelp, nearly tripping as he tried to keep up with Gon’s pace. “Wh-Where are we going?”

“Well, I figured since you showed me something yesterday, _I_ could show _you_ something tonight!” He beamed at Killua over his shoulder. “Have you ever been in Kite’s research facility?”

Interest flickered in Killua’s blue eyes. “No. Why? Don’t tell me—”

Gon held up a key with his spare hand and Killua’s jaw dropped. “I did,” Gon said, grinning. “I wanted to show you what I do all day, I thought you might find it cool. Do you wanna check it out?”

He’d searched through Kite’s kitchen drawers before sneaking out to visit Killua tonight. He was a little guilty for taking the key, but it wasn’t like he was stealing it. He would return the key to its rightful drawer in Kite’s kitchen as soon he got back. And if he got caught? Well. The risk was worth it if it made Killua happy.

And the excited smile spreading across Killua’s face told Gon his surprise _definitely_ made his friend happy.

“Let’s do it,” Killua said and Gon squeezed his hand before leading him the rest of the way.

**-o0o-**

Gon knew Killua had told him not to come. He _knew_ it, and yet, he couldn't stop himself from visiting the lake anyway in the hope that maybe Killua might actually show up.

He waited for an hour outside of the gate. He sat patiently, staring out across the cool sand and the calm lake. An hour passed with no sign of life, no Killua, no nothing. 

Gon sighed heavily. He leaned on the palms of his hands and tilted his head back to gaze at the moonless starry sky. Did the heavens know where Killua had gone tonight? Or what he did during the day? 

Actually, now that he was thinking about it, Gon hadn’t seen Killua during the day yet. He should fix that. The next time he saw Killua, he would ask—

Something bright caught Gon's eye. He looked down, blinking, to see a silver dot illuminated in the middle of the lake.

Gon’s heart skipped a beat. He scrambled to stand, hardly daring to breathe. What was that? Could it be Killua? He leaned over the gate as he strained his eyes, fingernails digging into the gate's wood. 

It was hard to tell. But it almost looked like...like...

 _It looked like Killua,_ Gon realized. Not Killua, his friend and fellow human, but Killua the swan. 

Gon frowned. Were swans nocturnal? He'd never seen the swan at night despite his many visits here and yet there he was, as bright and beautiful as the moon, swimming in a mirror of the night sky. 

Letting out a long, disappointed breath, Gon let go of the gate. There really must not be anything dangerous on the lake at night if a swan could swim peacefully without any disturbance. And Killua the human would have shown himself to Gon by now if he was around. Which meant there really was no point in staying here any longer. 

There was a heavy, sinking feeling in Gon’s chest as he walked back to his bike. He’d really been hoping… Oh well. It's not like he wouldn't see Killua again. He just had to wait another day.

So he swung one leg over the bike and kicked off the dirt. He spared on last glance at the lake, taking in the elegant beauty of the moonlit swan surrounded by a lake of shadows and stars.

**-o0o-**

“Killua didn’t come,” Gon told Killua the swan sadly the next day. “Not you, Killua— _Killua,_ Killua. The person I named you after. I saw you on the lake, though. You look pretty in the night.”

The swan said nothing in response. He was just out of Gon’s reach, paddling through the water with his majestic white wings tucked against his body and head held high in the air. And those blue eyes were focused on Gon, just like always. 

Sometimes Gon thought the bird actually understood what he was saying. Maybe that was why Gon had started to think of him as a friend—a silent, feathery friend with the best listening skills. 

Gon slumped against the side of the boat. It rocked dangerously but Gon paid it no mind. He grumbled, “I _know_ he told me he wouldn’t be there, so I shouldn’t have been so disappointed, but I was still kind of hoping he would show anyway. Meeting with Killua is the most fun part of my day, even though I think he doesn’t trust me fully yet. I never know what he’s gonna do or act...spending time with him is an adventure.”

Gon paused. The swan hadn’t at all moved, just continued to stare at him with those strange, bright blue eyes. 

“It’s hard getting you to trust me, too. But maybe you’re just like Killua. Do you like chocolate? Oh, wait.” His brow furrowed. He’d worked with animals before back on Whale Island while working part-time at the vet’s office. He’d been told numerous times that dogs couldn’t have chocolate. And if that was the case…. “Birds can’t eat chocolate, can they?”

Killua the swan ducked his head and glided away. Gon could have sworn he heard he heard a quiet burst of squawking laughter as he swam. 

Sighing, Gon fell back onto the floor of the boat and stared up at the sky. Clouds twisted above his head. Shapes and patterns shifted and morphed, never staying still long enough for Gon to pick out anything familiar. The sky could be unpredictable like that sometimes. 

Just like Killua. Gon frowned. First, Killua claimed he was always at the lake, that his family dropped him off here, that he was all alone. But then last night he said he wouldn’t be at the lake _because_ of family reasons? It didn’t make any sense! 

But Gon couldn’t talk. He didn’t come from a reasonable family, either. 

“My dad left me,” Gon said aloud suddenly, still gazing at the clouds. It was dangerous to stay like this, he knew. The last time he’d laid down on the bottom of the boat, he’d fallen asleep. 

But he wouldn’t fall asleep now. Not while talking about Ging.

“I don’t even call him ‘Dad’,” Gon continued in a thoughtful tone. He didn’t know if the bird heard him or not, but it didn’t really matter. “I call him Ging since he was never a dad to me anyway. Aunt Mito said he showed up with me on her doorstep one day and was gone the next morning. But he left me behind.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, I don’t think. People get angry whenever I tell them about Ging, but it’s not like I wasn’t cared for. I had Aunt Mito and Grandma Abe. The town I grew up in all pitched in to help me pay for my online college classes. They were the best family a kid could have. But I always thought—” 

Gon’s throat was growing tight. He clenched his hands into fists, forced himself to take a breath. Why was he getting all choked up? He wasn’t even _mad_ at Ging. He understood wanting something and not letting anything get in the way of that. Gon was like that too—when he wanted something, he wouldn’t stop for anything until he got it.

“I always thought,” Gon tried again, voice low and croaking. “That maybe he’d come back again. That Ging would see the person I am today and be proud. Or something. I’m not sure. But I got tired of waiting after twenty years. I got tired of being stuck on Whale Island alone, with nowhere to go. I wanted to learn more about the world Ging had disappeared into. I didn’t want to be by myself anymore.”

A feathered head blocked Gon’s view of the sky. Gon blinked as Killua the swan stared down at him. Gon couldn’t read any emotion in those blue irises. But maybe that was for the best. It was easier to talk when he wasn’t expecting a response.

“People always have someone,” Gon whispered, and Killua the swan tilted his head. “Someone they love most above everyone else, someone they choose to be their favorite person in the whole world. And if they’re lucky, that someone chooses them back. It doesn’t matter if it’s a best friend, a lover or a spouse. If they choose to be each other’s favorite person, they stick together forever. We’re not too different from you when you choose your mate, in that way.”

“I never had that, though. I didn’t have friends growing up because I was the only kid for miles and miles. I didn’t go to college in person because we couldn’t afford it, so I took online classes and I only saw my classmates through a screen. But I realized something—if I chased after Ging, it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t have friends. Ging left everyone behind to explore the world. So why would I need friends to experience the life he left me behind for?”

“But then I met Killua.”

Gon closed his eyes. A pale, narrow face appeared in his mind. Blue eyes. Silver hair. Killua always seemed so ethereal at night with the moonlight caught in his curls and trapped under his skin. 

“Killua is the first person who’s ever chosen me,” Gon murmured with his eyes still closed. “He’s the first person who has ever waited for me, who wants to show me places, to do things together. I never had anyone like that back home. We haven't known each other for very long but I already know I don’t want to lose this. And I’m scared for tonight. What if I show up, and he’s not there? What would happen, then?”

Something soft carded through his hair. Gon opened his eyes to see the swan leaning over him, his beak brushing Gon’s hair out of his face. 

Gon smiled despite the burning in his eyes. “You know, sometimes I think you understand me. You’re really in tune to human emotions for a bird.”

He dared to reach out. His fingers brushed the swan’s head and the bird went very still. 

Gon withdrew his hand. He didn’t want to scare the bird away, not after he just connected with him. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I’ve never told anyone all that before. You’re a great listener.”

The swan, predictably, stared back without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/13/2020
> 
> I actually don't have much to say here...my aunt died suddenly and unexpectantly last Sunday so the past week has been something out of a horrible nightmare for me and my family. That being said I am very glad I have this whole fic written and that I can continue to post it because a) I have no desire to write anything new as of right now, and b) I really have been enjoying reading everyone's comments on how much they like this story so far ^-^ so from the bottom of my heart, thank you <3
> 
> (btw there won't be a new chapter next week, I have something else in mind planned for posting instead. So the next update for this fic will be on Dec 27th)
> 
> Thank you to my friend xyliane on tumblr who beta'd this incredibly long fic, I owe her so much.
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	5. family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is that why your family brought you out here? To do all that business and property stuff?”
> 
> Killua snorted. “No. They left me out here because I kidnapped my sister and tried to run away with her.”
> 
> Startled laughter burst out of Gon. “Killua! Don’t joke about stuff like that.”
> 
> Killua grinned at Gon from across the room, blue eyes gleaming in the dim light of the moon. There was a sharpness to his smile, the kind that sent a shiver up Gon’s spine. Was Killua telling the truth? Gon still didn’t think so. He didn’t even have a good reason for why he thought that, it was just an instinctive feeling. 
> 
> Gon had done well in the past to trust his gut. So that was what he would do now. 

The uncomfortable tension inside Gon lifted slightly after his talk with the swan. The swan hadn’t done anything to ease his anxiety but just talking aloud made Gon feel lighter, somehow. It was almost as if saying the words cast them out of his chest and onto the lake where they couldn’t weigh him down anymore.

But that didn’t mean the stress was gone for good, either. As the hours passed, Gon’s worry began to swell again. He kept checking the time and glancing out the research facility’s window, as if Killua would somehow magically appear on the beach. And so the moment he heard Kite’s snores echoing down the hallway that night, Gon was scrambling out his window and flying down the road on his bike.

Because Killua’s presence was the only way to stop Gon from overthinking. Once he saw Killua again, Gon would know Killua hadn’t left him. It would mean that Killua was still choosing Gon, just like Gon was still choosing Killua. It would mean Gon wasn’t alone, anymore.

And just as Gon predicted, the tightness in his chest lifted the instant he caught sight of the distant gleam of Killua’s silver hair. Warmth flooded his heart, bursting and swelling until Gon couldn’t contain his elation. So he lowered his head and pedalled as fast he could to his friend.

Because, despite all his fears and worries, Killua was there. He’d shown up. He’d kept his promise. 

Gon reached the gate in record time. He jumped off the bike before it had fully stopped, stumbling a few steps to keep his balance. Killua, who’d been staring off towards the lake, turned at the sound of Gon’s heavy landing. A grin spread across his face.

"Gon— _oof!"_

Killua wheezed as Gon threw his arms around him. The force of his hug nearly took them both down, causing the pair to trip over each other’s feet in their effort to stay upright.

"You're here!" Gon cried, squeezing Killua. He could smell a mix of strawberries and lake water wafting off Killua's hair. It smelled good. "I'm so glad!"

"Where did you think I would be?" Killua asked breathlessly. 

"I...I wasn't sure." Gon reluctantly let go, stepping back. Killua was looking at him, eyes wide and cheeks dark. "I was hoping you’d come back, but I was worried you wouldn’t."

Killua smiled and Gon’s breath stuck in his throat. There was something different about this particular smile—it was softer, more gentle. Killua's blue eyes seemed to glow in the dim moonlight and Gon couldn't look away.

"Stupid." Killua flicked Gon's forehead and Gon yelped in surprise, clapping a hand to his forehead. "Have a little faith in me. Did you really think I would just abandon you without warning?"

Gon thought about Ging, leaving him at Aunt Mito’s without so much as looking back, and his eyes began to burn. He quickly lowered his gaze to their shoes. 

“I wasn’t sure,” Gon repeated, voice a little rough. He didn’t know why it was so hard for him to speak, why it meant so much Killua had shown up when he had told Gon he would. This was a good thing. A very, _very_ good thing. So why did Gon feel so overwhelmed? 

“Gon.”

A cool hand brushed his. Gon blinked the blurriness out of his eyes to see long, pale fingers wrapping around his own. He looked up. Killua was there, still wearing that small smile, and Gon’s heart gave a little lurch.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Killua said slowly, purposefully. “I come to talk to you every night for a reason. Yesterday was a fluke, a random thing. So you don’t ever have to worry about me not showing up. Okay?” 

All at once, the strange pressure in Gon’s lungs vanished. Because there it was—the reassurance he'd been looking for. And he hadn’t even asked for it.

“Thank you, Killua,” he said quietly, squeezing Killua’s hand, and Killua scrunched his nose.

“What did I say about saying thank you?”

“I know! But I just needed to say it.”

Killua sighed and ran his free hand down the side of his face. “You’re too much, sometimes.” 

He tugged Gon forward, off towards the forest. Gon followed without question, letting Killua take the lead as they entered the shadows.

“Where are we going?” Gon asked and Killua glanced at him over his shoulder.

“Well, it’s my turn to show you something new. And last time you showed me what you spend your time doing during the day. So I thought...maybe I could show you what _I_ do during the day. If that’s okay.”

“Of course it is!” Gon said, tightening his grip on Killua’s hand. He was a little surprised, but not in an unpleasant way. He was always happy to learn more about Killua. And he would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about where Killua vanished off to after they said their goodbyes. 

But a part of him wondered why Killua was so willing to open up to him. It was only a short while ago that he’d been threatening Gon with the cops. Something had changed, but what?

There was no way of knowing for sure. So Gon could only hope wherever Killua was leading him to would have the answers to the questions rattling around in his brain.

“Lead the way, Killua,” Gon said simply and so Killua did. 

**-o0o-**

"Oh, wow."

Gon stared up, jaw hanging low and neck aching as he craned his head back. Of all the places he'd pictured Killua spending his time during the day, he hadn't expected a towering mansion hidden away in the deepest section of the woods. The estate stood at least three stories tall with delicate curves along the roof, intricate stained glass above the doorway and a wide porch wrapping around the entirety of the home. 

It was expensive, ancient, grand. Gon frowned. It didn’t seem like the kind of place Killua would choose to spend a lot of time at. Maybe this was the family home Killua had pointed to when he'd shown Gon the waterfall?

"Welcome home," Killua said dryly, as if hearing Gon’s thoughts. Gon tore his gaze away from the mansion to look at his friend. Killua's nose was wrinkled and his fingers tapped anxiously on his crossed arms. 

"Your parents own this place?" Gon asked. That would explain the disdain in Killua’s voice.

"Yeah. Apparently it was already here when Gramps bought the lake way back when and my parents never bothered redoing it when the title was passed onto them." Killua gestured for Gon to follow as he began walking towards the porch steps. "It's way outdated and moldy and the electrical isn't too reliable, either. So be careful where you step, okay?"

Despite this being a family home of some sort, Killua clearly didn’t have any fondness for the place. Gon eyed Killua as his friend stomped across the front porch and aggressively shoved his key into the door’s lock. Killua muttered something under his breath as he twisted the key this way and that, trying to get it to turn. 

Gon shook his head. "You _really_ don't like staying here. Do you?"

Killua snorted and, with one final _twist,_ turned the doorknob pushed open the door. "What gave you that idea?"

"Just a hunch," Gon said. He was rewarded with an appreciative smile on Killua's part and he smiled in kind, a warm fluttering filling in his chest.

"Well, your hunch is right. Here—” Killua moved to the side. “You go in first."

Gon did as he was told. The large parlor he stepped into was just what he expected—oversized portraits hung on the walls, a detailed rug lay across the floor, a dusty chandelier glinted above his head. The room was cast in shadows but there was just enough light for Gon to make out a wide set of stairs a few feet in front of him. 

It was cold, unwelcoming, dark. Again Gon was struck by just how cold and un-Killua-like this home was. 

"I don't get it," Gon said, turning to Killua as he locked the door behind them. "If you hate it so much, why stay here? You could get an apartment in the town instead."

Killua frowned. "I can't. My family, they would..." He licked his lips. "They would know if I tried to leave. So I have to stay."

He walked past Gon and towards the staircase. Gon turned to watch him go, an uncomfortable tightening in his chest. What did Killua mean by that? 'They would know' and 'I have to’—he made it sound like he didn't have a choice in the matter. But Killua was an adult, his family couldn’t tell him what he was and wasn’t allowed to do. 

So why and how were they forcing him to stay in this mansion, all alone? Was it punishment, a job? Something else entirely?

"Gon."

Gon blinked and looked up. Killua was standing halfway up the staircase, a pale hand resting on the railing. He jerked his head. "C'mon. I wanna show you my room."

"R-Right."

Taking a deep breath, Gon swallowed down the heavy feeling in his heart and followed after his friend.

**-o0o-**

"Whoa..."

Killua's room was at the very top floor of the mansion, illuminated by moonlight pouring through the many windows on the walls. From this height, Gon could see the tips of the forest trees, the waterfall Killua had shown him the day they became friends, and even the full expanse of the lake as it reflected the starry sky. The view was so breathtaking, so stunning, Gon could only stare.

"Pretty, right?"

Gon glanced to his side. Killua was there, watching him with a small smile tugging at his lips. 

"It's _more_ than pretty, it's—" Gon turned back to the window, in awe. "Killua, this is _amazing!"_

"I think so, too."

Killua moved towards a bench stretching along the length of one window. He sat and intently gazed out at the night in front of him, as if searching for something. "This is the only room in the house I actually like,” he admitted quietly. “I demanded Illumi let me have it when I moved in."

Gon tilted his head. So Killua _hadn't_ lived here at the lake his whole life. He was _sent_ here, most likely by his family or whoever this Illumi guy was.

"How long ago did you move in?" Gon asked, cautiously digging for more information.

"A few years ago." Killua folded his legs and leaned on one knee, cupping his chin in his palm. "It feels like it's been ages, though. It's so boring. Nothing interesting or exciting ever happens. Summer is the best time of the year by far but that's only because of all the tourists and rich families who own vacation houses nearby."

Gon began to slowly walk around the room, listening to Killua all the while. There were sparse decorations despite it being Killua’s bedroom. There was a poster on the wall of a skateboarder Killua must have liked, an article about the lake, even a detailed drawing of the moon and its phases throughout the month. Plants littered windowsills while jars with different rocks and long white feathers were piled high on a nearby dresser—swan feathers, maybe? 

Gon paused as he reached a bookshelf leaning against the wall opposite the door. It was filled with texts in a language he couldn't read. Did Killua understand them? He had to, what was the point otherwise?

"If you've seen the tourists and families," Gon began as he ran a finger over the books' spines. The titles were gold, engraved into the hard covers like a carving. "Then you must go to the beach during the day. How come I’ve never seen you?”

There was no response. Gon turned, then froze as his words stuck in his throat. Killua was still staring out the window, gaze distant and posture stiff. Moonlight illuminated his silver hair in a halo and his skin glowed as if made from stars. He looked like a painting—too beautiful to be real, too still to be alive. 

He looked breathtaking. 

Gon forced himself to blink once, then twice. Aunt Mito has always told him it was rude to gawk at people. But Gon couldn’t help himself, not when Killua looked so pretty. Had Killua always looked so nice? Surely Gon would have noticed by now if that were the case. 

“Killua?" he asked quietly and Killua breathed in deep, coming back to life again. 

"Sorry." Killua dropped his hand and sat up straight. He gave Gon a tight smile. "I lost my train of thought. I don't usually leave the woods during the day, so that’s why you haven’t seen me. I spend most of the day sleeping, actually."

"So you can spend the nights with me?"

Killua’s smile relaxed a bit, growing softer, fonder. "In part, yeah. But it's mostly because I'm a night owl. I would sleep until the afternoon by choice, anyway."

Gon shuddered. He couldn't imagine sleeping the day away. There was so much to do, to see—why sleep when he could be having fun? 

"What do you do up here besides sleeping, then?" Gon asked curiously as he looked around the room once more. So far he hadn’t seen any pictures, a sure sign of Killua's poor relationship with his family. Because it _had_ to be a poor relationship, right? What kind of parents would abandon their son here to fend for himself?

Ging's face swam to the front of his mind. Gon stomped the image down. He didn't want to think about Ging right now. He was with Killua and he wanted to stay here in the present with him, not lose himself daydreaming about his father’s ghost.

"I do a bunch of stuff," Killua said vaguely. "Y'know, business and property duties. You wouldn't believe how much maintenance it takes to own a lake."

"Oh." 

Gon wasn't sure if Killua was telling the truth. Killua was refusing to look at Gon, instead focusing on picking at a stray strand of cloth on the bench cushion. Even Killua’s explanation sounded a little too bland, a little too general. Killua was hiding something about his family and his duties here. 

“Is that why your family brought you out here?” Gon pried. “To do all that business and property stuff?”

Killua snorted and finally lifted his gaze. “No. They left me out here because I kidnapped my sister and tried to run away with her.”

Startled laughter burst out of Gon. “Killua! Don’t joke about stuff like that.”

Killua grinned at Gon from across the room, blue eyes gleaming in the dim light of the moon. There was a sharpness to his smile, the kind that sent a shiver up Gon’s spine. Was Killua telling the truth? Gon still didn’t think so. He didn’t even have a good reason for _why_ he thought that, it was just an instinctive feeling.

Gon had done well in the past to trust his gut. So that was what he would do now. 

"Killua," he said gently and Killua's fingers stilled. "You know, you can tell me the truth."

Killua frowned. "I am."

"Okay. I just meant...if there's anything you feel like you can't tell me, you can. Because we're friends. And friends help friends."

"...right.”

"And, if you want to visit me during the day, while you’re walking through the woods or whatever it is you do—" Gon shrugged. "I would be happy to see you."

Killua gave a non-committal hum. He was looking down again, playing with the bench cushion once more.

"So? Will you?” Gon tried. “Visit, I mean."

Killua shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe."

Gon sighed. Okay. That wasn't a definite answer, but at least it was _something._ Whatever was keeping Killua busy during the day—whether that ‘something’ was his family or business stuff or whatever—was fine with Gon so long as Killua could continue to meet up at night. The moments they spent together in the evening and early morning hours were important to Gon. Learning about Killua, laughing with Killua, exploring the lake alongside Killua...these were all things Gon cherished and looked forward to during the day. 

Gon paused as he reached Killua's nightstand. There, propped up against the lamp, was a picture. 

Gon stared. This was the first picture he’d seen during his tour of Killua’s room. What was so important about this one that Killua had kept it? Curiosity gnawed at Gon and he reached out to pick up the photo before he could stop himself. 

The picture was of two people—one, being a younger, happier Killua. This might be the happiest Gon had ever seen him, actually. Killua’s eyes were squinting as he laughed, head tilted back and mouth stretched in a grin. His silver hair gleamed in the sunlight like a crown. And there, wrapped around his right hand, was a familiar silver chain. Was that the same necklace that Killua always wore?

Gon’s gaze lingered on Killua's face. He traced Killua’s smile with a finger, trying to memorize every detail, before finally looking at the girl beside Killua.

The girl stood about a head shorter than Killua. Both of her arms were thrown around Killua’s middle while one of his draped across her shoulders. She had long, thick layers of brown hair in contrast to Killua’s silver locks, but her eyes were the same bright blue of Killua’s and her skin had the same pale complexion. They _had_ to be related.

There were a few words scribbled in the corner with a date. Gon squinted to read the note—‘ _Happy birthday, Killua! 7/7’._

Gon reread the note a few times, committing the date to memory. Maybe Killua’s necklace had been a birthday gift from this girl. That would explain why he was holding it in this picture instead of wearing it.

Gon said loudly over his shoulder, “Hey, Killua?”

“Hm?”

“Is this your sister?”

“...What?”

Gon turned. Killua’s face looked pale, paler even than usual. “This girl,” Gon repeated as he pointed to the picture. “She looks like you. Is she the sister you were talking about?”

Killua slowly stood. He made his way over to Gon, taking the picture out of Gon’s hands and staring at it. Gon was surprised at the intense, hungry look in Killua’s eyes. He gazed at the photo as though he wanted to lean into it, be swallowed up by it, and never return.

“...Yeah. This is my sister,” Killua said quietly after a pause. 

Gon looked at the photo over Killua’s shoulder. “What’s her name?”

“Alluka.”

 _Pretty name,_ Gon thought. And the way Killua said it—so fondly, so full of warmth...He must really love her. 

“You look happy here,” Gon noted and Killua smiled slightly. 

“I was.”

Was. Not is. 

“What happened to her? Where is she now?”

“Dunno.” Killua handed the picture back to Gon with a sigh. “Somewhere far, far away from here, if she listened to me.”

Gon took the photo and watched as Killua made his way back to the bench by the window. Thoughts started to click together in his mind like pieces of a puzzle and a heavy dread filled his stomach. 

“Killua?”

“Hmm?” Killua was looking out the window again. 

“You weren’t joking earlier, when you said you tried to run away with Alluka. Were you?”

Killua stayed silent, expression impassive, and Gon sucked in a sharp breath. 

It was true then. Killua’s family left him here because he had tried to run away with Alluka. This isolation was Killua’s punishment. 

“My family,” Killua began hesitantly. “They were all I knew growing up. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. But—”

He turned to face Gon and Gon stilled as he saw the dark shadows in his friend’s eyes. It was a haunted look. An empty one.

“But they’re not good people, Gon. They’re just not. I didn’t want to be like them and neither did Alluka. So we left. She escaped, she made it out, but I didn’t. So if staying here and playing by their rules means she’s safe then…” He let out a long, shuddering breath. “Then I’m willing to pay whatever price necessary.”

Gon put the photo down. A flicker of anger simmered under his skin. “You shouldn’t have to do that. Not if it comes at the expense of your happiness.”

“I’m okay with it. As long as Alluka—”

“But you matter too!” Gon said, voice growing loud with his own frustration. He quickly crossed Killua’s bed room and sat down next to Killua on the window bench. Killua’s brow was furrowed and his lips were thin. “I know you love your sister but...but if _she_ deserves to be happy, don’t you do, too?”

“Not at the expense of hers.”

Gon clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to shout, to tug at his own hair. Because Killua was his friend and he _did_ deserve better, no matter what happened with his sister!

“Gon.” 

Something cool brushed against Gon’s fists. He started, looking down as Killua’s nimble fingers uncurled Gon’s and slid between the empty spaces. Killua squeezed Gon’s hand, saying, “It’s okay. Really. Because I _am_ happy, now. Because…”

His voice trailed off. Gon stared at him as warmth crawled up the back of his neck. 

Gon finished, “Because we’re friends?”

Killua looked away. “Yeah. Because we’re— _oof.”_

Gon had thrown his arms around Killua in another tight hug. Killua nearly fell off the bench, one hand gripping Gon’s shoulder to keep himself sitting upright. Even if they had fallen, Gon wouldn’t have minded. It would have been okay, just to hug Killua. 

_I’m never gonna let you be alone again_ , Gon swore to himself as Killua laughed quietly in his ear. _I promise. I’ll be your friend however long you want me, Killua._

**-o0o-**

Killua didn’t take Gon to visit his parent’s mansion again and for that, Gon was grateful. It was a beautiful house, sure, but quiet and dark. Lonely. It didn’t seem like a place Killua was particularly happy, and happiness was the only thing Gon wanted for his friend. 

But Gon did want to repay Killua for showing him something so personal and important.

So during his next visit to the lake, Gon took out the old phone Aunt Mito had gifted him to show Killua pictures. Pictures of _home,_ of Aunt Mito and his grandma, of the beach and the seagulls and the townspeople. He even brought along an actual physical photo of Ging he’d found hidden away in the back of Aunt Mito’s closet last year.

Killua’s eyes grew wide when Gon scrolled through the photos, a huge smile spreading across his face. He asked questions, laughed over Gon’s silly stories, leaned into Gon’s side whenever Gon flipped to a new photo. His body heat seeped into Gon and warmed him from the inside out.

Seeing Killua so eager and curious about Whale Island filled Gon’s chest with a strange fluttering feeling. He’s happy here, doing work with Kite. But he was _most_ happy when visiting Killua and wasting the night away together. 

Because Killua was Gon’s first friend, but he was quickly growing into something more than that. He was the sound of their mixed laughter, bright and obnoxious as their giggles echoed across the empty beach and calm lake. He was the moonlight falling from the starry sky, setting his silver hair aglow. He was adventure as he took Gon’s hand and dragged him off to someplace new and exciting and hidden from the rest of the world. He was warm hugs, a hand to hold, a person to bring gifts to. Killua was…

Killua was important. So important that Gon yearned to spend more time with him. The few stolen hours every night wasn’t enough—especially when unforeseen factors kept them apart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/27/2020
> 
> As promised, regular updates to this fic have returned! ^-^ I don't expect there to be any other pauses in this story from now through March so it should be smooth sailing from here on out. Thank you for all your kind words on the previous chapter, they all mean more to me than you know <3 And thank you as always to my friend xyliane for beta'ing this incredibly long story there's a reason it is now readable haha
> 
> See you all next week!
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	6. storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...how did you get hurt?" Killua asked quietly.
> 
> "Oh, I, um..." Gon winced as Killua applied the disinfectant to Gon's hand. "I came last night. To visit you. But I lost control of my bike and fell."
> 
> Killua shook his head with a scowl. "Why would you do that? It was pouring last night, there was no reason for you to come!"
> 
> Gon pouted. "But, Killua—"
> 
> "No 'but Killua's!" Killua interrupted sternly. "You could have gotten really hurt, Gon! More hurt than you already are!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's some blood and other small injuries in this chapter! Nothing too big, just some scrapes, but thought I should mention it here just in case.

It was raining. 

Gon stared out the window of Kite's research facility, fingers digging into the wood of the window pane. He could hardly see anything through the downpour—not the forest, not the beach, not the lake. He'd already gotten soaked running with Kite from the car to the front door and rainwater was _still_ dripping off his hair nearly thirty minutes after their arrival. How was he going to visit Killua tonight if the rain continued like this?

"Killua will be fine."

Gon's heart jumped up to his throat. He spun around to face Kite, who was examining something under a microscope.

"What?" Gon asked stupidly.

"Killua." Kite fiddled with one of the microscope screws. "The swan. He will be alright, he's faced worse storms before."

Gon didn't outwardly react to the relief rushing through his veins and weakening his knees. Thank goodness. For a moment, he'd thought Kite was talking about Killua the human. 

He looked outside again as guilt churned his stomach. He hadn’t even considered how the swan was faring in this storm. But all animals knew how to survive in the wild. It was like Kite said—this storm wasn’t the swan’s first. He would be fine. 

It was Killua the _human_ who Gon was more worried about. 

**-o0o-**

Hours later, the clock changed to midnight as Gon stood in front of his bedroom window in Kite's house. The rain _still_ hadn't let up, running down the glass in watery sheets and pounding against the roof. Was Killua out there, waiting for him on the lake’s beach? Or was he smart enough to stay in the mansion for just tonight?

There was no way to know. And Gon _couldn’t_ stay here if there was a possibility that Killua might be out there. Not when Killua would have only shown up for Gon’s sake in the first place.

So Gon pulled on his raincoat, opened the window, and stepped into the rain.

**-o0o-**

"KILLUA!" Gon yelled as he struggled to peddle down the road. Water soaked through his socks and sneakers, ran down the sides of his face, made his hands slick as he gripped the handlebars. It was too dark to see properly and the rain only made the visibility worse. With every second that passed, his fear that he might fall over worsened. 

He was more than a little relieved when the lake gate came into view. 

"Killuaaaaa!” Gon tried again. “Killua, are you there?!"

He pressed hard on the brakes, gritting his teeth as the bike wheels skidded against the sleek concrete. The wheels spun dangerously and the handlebars jerked. 

_BOOM!_

"AAH—!"

Lightning lit up the sky in a brilliant flash. It only took that short second of distraction, that slip of focus, for Gon to lose control. He yelped as his bike tipped and the world spun. He hit the ground _hard_ and the air left his lungs. Sharp pin pricks of pain flared from his hands and knees as Gon blinked blearily at the river run concrete. 

"Ow..." Gon groaned, arms trembling as he slowly sat up. His whole body throbbed in protest but Gon ignored the pain. He had to check the damage. Hopefully, he wasn't so hurt he couldn't get back to Kite's house.

He held up his hands and sucked in a sharp breath. There were a dozen or so small scrapes across both palms. Thin trails of blood ran down his arms and dripped off his elbows. A quick check told Gon his knees weren't much better. 

Gon squeezed his eyes shut, tried to calm his breathing. Great. How was he gonna explain this to Kite?

But first thing's first—where was Killua?

Gon forced himself to stand. His scraped knees shook and Gon stumbled over to the gate post. Rain continued to pour down as he squinted at the drenched beach. He could hardly make out anything. If Killua was out there, would Gon even see him?

"Killua?" Gon shouted again. His call wasn't as loud as before—the pain from his injuries had knocked the air out of him, making his voice high-pitched and shaky. He needed to clean and bandage the cuts before they were infected. But regardless of how quickly he treated his wounds, Gon could tell he would be aching tomorrow.

Gon sucked in a shuddering breath through his teeth. One more time, he would call for Killua. He owed his first and only friend that much.

Lifting a hand to cup his mouth, Gon yelled, "Killu— _AH!"_

Something white and large rushed towards Gon in a blur. Gon staggered backwards with a shocked yelp, throwing up his hands.

 _HONK!_ HONK HONK HONK!

Gon's eyes widened. Wait. That sound—

The white and large ‘something’ hit Gon square in the chest. He toppled to the ground, hissing as his scraped hands slammed into the concrete. Throbs of hot pain ricocheted up his limbs but Gon didn’t stop moving, didn’t stop to catch his breath. He couldn’t, not when he was too busy trying to scramble away from the very angry and _very_ upset blue-eyed swan that was squawking at him.

Because the thing that was attacking him was none other than Killua the swan. What the bird was doing out here so late and in the middle of a downpour was a mystery to Gon, but it was painfully clear the swan was not happy with him. At all. 

"I—I'm sorry!" he yelled, desperately trying to scoot back towards his bike. "I'm just looking for my friend! I didn't mean to upset you!"

The swan extended both wings and shook his head high in the air. He looked incredibly imposing as he continued to advance on Gon, hissing and honking all the while. It was the most aggressive he had ever acted towards Gon. But, why? What had changed?

Gon swallowed. He didn’t want to make Killua angrier than he already was by staying here. And it was starting to grow obvious that no one else was here, either. Killua the human would have heard the commotion between the swan and Gon if he was anywhere close. And if Killua the human wasn't here and Killua the swan wanted Gon, well, _gone_...then Gon would go.

"Okay, okay!" Gon stumbled to a stand, blinking water out of his eyes. "I'll leave! Just—Just stay there. Okay?"

He grabbed his bike and swung one leg over the seat. The swan didn't rush at him as Gon kicked off the ground. But he did give a loud, victorious-sounding squawk as Gon began the trek back home.

Gon shook his head, stunned by the turn of events. He hadn’t been expecting to get attacked by a swan tonight, but at least he’d done what he came to the lake to do. Killua hadn’t put himself in danger by coming out in the rain to meet Gon, which meant he was safe and sheltered in his family’s mansion. 

But Gon on the other hand…

Gon gritted his teeth to hold back the whimper building in his throat. The cuts on his hands and knees were _really_ starting to hurt. He would have to wash and treat his injuries as soon as he got back and pray that Kite wouldn’t notice a few extra bandaids on him. 

**-o0o-**

"Let me see your hands," Killua said.

Gon blinked as he leaned the bike against the gate post. "Wha—"

"Your hands," Killua repeated sharply. "You're hurt, right? I brought a first aid kit. So let me see them."

Killua didn’t wait for an answer. He grabbed Gon's wrist, roughly pulling Gon over the gate before tugging him down to sit on the sand. Gon was silent as Killua carefully undid the bandages wrapped around his palms. The scrapes from last night had turned an angry red, pinching along the skin. Gon had tried to treat them as best and silently as he could, even lying to Kite that he'd fallen on a walk earlier in the morning before Kite had awoken. But the stinging pain had been eating at him all day and he'd dreaded visiting Killua and having to explain how he got hurt.

It seemed Killua already knew, though.

"How did you know?" Gon asked quietly as Killua stared somewhat intently at the cuts.

Killua lifted his gaze to meet Gon’s. There was a strange emotion clouding his blue eyes, one that caused his brow to pinch and furrow. "Wh-What?"

"You brought a first aid kit. How did you know I got hurt?"

"I—" Killua seemed surprised at Gon's question. "I saw you."

Now it was Gon's turn to be surprised. "What? When?"

Killua looked down again, gently rubbing a thumb over Gon's scraped palms. His touch was so light Gon didn’t feel any pain. "I, uh, was walking through the woods earlier. I saw you with Kite in front of the research facility. Your hands were bandaged."

Gon frowned. "Why didn't you stop by? I've told you that you can visit me during the day if you want!"

"I didn't want to disrupt your work," Killua grumbled as he opened the small, white container he had brought with him. Inside were band-aids, disinfectant cream and other first-aid materials, but Gon couldn't stop staring at Killua.

"Killua, you wouldn't disrupt my work!" Gon said, exasperated. He didn’t understand, had he acted unwelcoming to Killua somehow? "You're my friend, you're not _bothering_ me with your company. I would have been happy to see you."

Killua picked out the disinfectant and unscrewed it with his free hand. "And Kite? How would he have reacted if I'd shown up asking for you? How would you explain why we knew each other?"

Gon felt the blood drain from his face. He'd been here nearly a month now and Kite still hadn't caught him sneaking out of the house at night to visit Killua. If he learned Gon had been betraying his trust...

Killua snorted and tugged Gon’s hand closer so he could cradle it in his lap. “That's what I thought. Now, stay still. This might sting a little."

Gon did his best to do as Killua asked, but the treatment _did_ hurt, even with the gentleness of Killua’s touch. He hisses quietly as the disinfectant caused his hand to smart. Killua’s brow furrowed and quickly applied a soothing ointment on the newly cleaned cuts. Then he peeled off a band-aid, then another, carefully laying them across Gon’s palm so most of his injuries were covered. 

Killua’s treatment was swift and effective, and also surprisingly gentle. He held Gon’s hand as if it were an injured bird. This was the most care Gon had ever seen Killua show for him—or for anyone, actually, aside from his sister. 

The thought caused a giddy thrill in Gon's stomach. It was nice to matter to someone. Especially when that someone mattered so much to Gon in kind.

"...how did you get hurt?" Killua asked quietly, shaking Gon out of his thoughts.

"Oh, I, um..." Gon winced as Killua applied the disinfectant to Gon's other hand. "I came last night. To visit you. But I lost control of my bike and fell."

Killua shook his head with a scowl. "Why would you do that? It was pouring last night, there was no reason for you to come!"

Gon pouted. "But, Killua—"

"No 'but Killua's!" Killua interrupted sternly. "You could have gotten really hurt, Gon! More hurt than you already are!"

"How was I to know you wouldn't be out there?" Gon retorted and Killua's scowl deepened. "I had to come, Killua! I had to make sure you weren't out here waiting for me."

"I...I appreciate that. Really. I do. But I don't want you getting hurt on my part."

Gon opened his mouth, ready to argue it had been worth it because there was no way he would leave Killua—

Killua gently squeezed Gon's hand. "Please, Gon," he said, softer this time. His blue eyes were pleading. "Think about it. How would you feel if _I_ was the one who got hurt trying to see you? What would you have said to me tonight?"

Gon pictured Killua with a forced smile, limbs bruised or cut, maybe limping as he walked, and Gon’s blood turned to ice. 

"See?" Killua said when Gon stayed silent. "You wouldn't want that, either. So, promise me—don't risk your safety on my part. I'll always be here the following night."

Gon hesitated. It sounded like such a simple request. But, despite Killua’s logic, Gon knew he would venture out into the rain a thousand times over to make sure Killua was okay. Friends looked after friends and Gon wanted to be there for Killua since no one else was.

 _"Gon,"_ Killua said in a warning tone, now applying the cream to Gon’s cuts, and Gon sighed through his nose. “Promise me.”

But, on the other hand, he couldn't exactly tell Killua _no._

"Okay," Gon sighed at last. "I...I promise."

"You promise, what?"

"I promise I won't put myself in unnecessary danger trying to check up on you."

Killua narrowed his eyes. He studied Gon with an intensity that left Gon's stomach churning and heart flipping. It was the kind of look Gon had seen before, the one that made Gon feel entirely seen and stripped bare. 

"I guess that's as good of a promise as I'll get from you," Killua grumbled after a heavy pause and Gon smiled sheepishly. "Fine. I'm glad we cleared that up. Now—is there anywhere else you're hurt?"

"Um...my knees. I think."

“Okay, let me see.”

The pair maneuvered around each other, with Killua releasing Gon’s hands and scooting back to give Gon room to uncross his legs. 

Killua grimaced when he saw the cuts on Gon's knees. "You really did a number on yourself, huh? These look so irritated."

Gon gave an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of his head with his newly-bandaged hand. He wasn't used to feeling shame—he was too honest for that—but he couldn't deny the twinge of embarrassment in his chest or the warmth pricking across his cheeks.

“It wasn’t all my fault. It was because of the swan, too. He made me fall again after I fell off my bike.”

Killua didn’t look at him, too busy cleaning Gon’s knees. “The swan?”

Gon looked at him curiously. “Yeah. The swan. Y’know, the one with the blue eyes? He’s been on the lake for years?”

Maybe Gon’s perspective was just altered because of the time he spent with Kite, but he thought _everyone_ on the lake knew about the swan. He’d heard townsfolk mention the bird in conversation when going to pick up groceries, little children loved to throw him bread crumbs on the rare occasions he came close to shore, and Kite had a whole binder of notes dedicated to him. Maybe Killua was just out of the loop?

“Oh.” Killua carefully dabbed Gon’s cut with his cream. “Him. Yeah, I know who you’re talking about now. Was he out in the rain last night, too?”

Gon frowned. Again, he got the sense Killua wasn’t being entirely truthful. But that was silly—why would he lie about the swan? “Yeah. He tried scaring me away. He’s never come at me like that before, actually. I was really surprised.”

“You know him that well?”

“I do research on him for Kite,” Gon explained. “I visit him every day and take notes on his behavior, his diet and body, that sort of thing. Maybe he was just mad I didn’t visit him during the day even though it was raining…”

Killua’s lips twitched. “He sounds annoying.”

“He’s not!” Gon protested, a surge of protection flaring in his chest. Maybe it was all the time he’d spent with the bird that made him feel like they had a personal bond. The swan was beautiful, regal, elegant. He let Gon feed him and even stroke his wings. Besides Killua, the swan was Gon’s favorite part about living by the lake. 

“I thought you said he attacked you—”

“He did, but I think that was just to get me to go home.”

Killua glanced at Gon and quirked an eyebrow. “Do you really believe the swan was thinking that when he ambushed you?”

Gon shrugged, casting his eyes downward. He drew a smiley face in the sand as he said, “I’m not sure. But this swan…he’s different. He listens to me. I think.”

Killua was quiet, patiently waiting for Gon to elaborate while he began laying band-aids on Gon’s cuts. Gon sighed. 

“He didn’t like me very much at first,” Gon admitted. “He stayed away from my boat and refused to let me take any sort of measurements. Kite said he would warm up to me, but it took a really, _really_ long time.” Gon frowned, casting his mind back. “I think he only started trusting me after I told him about my dad, actually.”

“You’re talking about Ging?”

Gon nodded. “Yeah. Ging. I didn’t really plan on opening up to him, but…”

...wait. 

He paused. Had Killua just said _Ging?_

Gon didn’t remember ever mentioning his dad’s name to Killua. Sure, he’d shown Killua Ging’s picture and explained his dad left him with Aunt Mito when he was just a baby. But he hadn’t gone into so much detail that he said Ging’s name.

Killua grasped Gon’s shoulder and squeezed. “Gon? Hey, what’s wrong?”

“How do you know my dad’s name?”

Killua quickly withdrew his hand, as if burned. “How? What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t think I mentioned his name to you before. So how did you know it?”

“Oh. I, uh—” Killua looked off to the side, eyes darting away from Gon, “—Kite mentioned him to me a while back, I think? They were close friends, from what I remember.”

Gon stared at Killua. It wasn’t a _bad_ explanation. But it didn’t feel like an entirely truthful answer, either. Once again, he got the hunch Killua was hiding something from him.

He’d gotten that feeling a lot from his friend. When they were at his house, when he couldn’t come visit that night a while back, even just a few minutes ago when Gon had mentioned the swan. He knew Killua had secrets and he wasn’t obligated to know all of them, but it still bothered him all the same. Why wouldn’t Killua trust him? 

"There," Killua said abruptly, withdrawing his hands from Gon’s knees. "Everything is properly bandaged now. You'll feel better soon."

Gon blinked, his thoughts melting away. His knees and hands were all clean and wrapped now, thanks to Killua's special care. Gon wiggled his fingers and grinned in delight as he only felt the smallest twinge of pain.

"Wow—Killua!" Gon beamed at his friend. "Thank you!"

Killua sputtered, “Wh-What did I tell you about thanking your friends, stupid?"

"That I shouldn't?"

"Yeah, _exactly_. You shouldn’t because there’s no need. We're friends, Gon. We help each other. It's silly to say thank you over every little thing, so don't worry about it."

"I'm not _worrying_ about it," Gon said and Killua huffed. "I'm just being polite. Aunt Mito always said you should thank someone when they do something nice for you. So _thank you,_ Killua"

Killua scrunched his nose. It was a cute look, the way his eyes got all squinty and his cheeks flushed that pretty pink color. But Killua always looked nice with the moonlight reflecting off his hair and making his eyes shine. Sometimes Gon thought Killua might be the prettiest person he’s ever seen. 

"It was the least I could do." Killua stood up, dusting the sand off his shorts. "You only got hurt because you were coming out here for me. So you really _shouldn't_ be thanking me, considering everything."

Gon stuck his tongue out at Killua. "You're being difficult, Ki-llu-a."

"Yeah, well, so are you." He held out a hand to Gon. "Now, c’mon. Let's go. If we keep arguing we'll be here every night."

"Where are we going?" Gon asked curiously and Killua shrugged.

"I thought we could just walk around the lake tonight. I don't want you doing something dumb and getting hurt worse than you already are."

Gon slid his hand into Killua's with a laugh and let himself be pulled into the air. He didn’t thank Killua again, but his mind was a whirlwind. If Killua wouldn't let Gon thank him...then Gon would just have to think of another way to show Killua how grateful he was to have him in his life—bruises and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/3/2021
> 
> Happy new year! ^-^ Sooooo glad 2020 is done and over, I hope everyone's 2021 is a brighter and happier year <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this update! There were some good developments this chapter........wonder why Killua the swan showed up at night instead of Killua the human and how Killua the human knows Ging's name hmmm :3c it was a lot of fun writing the whole 'Killua taking care of Gon's injuries' scene though, I'm always a sucker for one half of the otp fawning over the other when they're hurt. I'm also really excited for the next chapter, we're wrapping up the whole Gon and Killua meeting/getting to know each other/becoming friends stage of their relationship and moving into 'oh no I have feelings' territory ehehehe
> 
> Thank you as always to my friend xyliane for beta'ing this incredibly long fic! Looking forward to posting again next week~
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	7. birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The town is putting on a festival next week,” Gon answered, bracing his hands on the wooden gate as he swung one leg over at a time. “He was telling me earlier that we should pack work up early that day so we can attend. But I told him I couldn’t.”
> 
> Killua looked up, blinking. “What? Why not?”
> 
> “Because it’s next Friday—the seventh. It’s your birthday, Killua. And I would much rather spend time with you and celebrate however you wanted.”
> 
> For a moment, Killua just stared at him. He stared and stared and stared, unblinking, and Gon shifted awkwardly on the balls of his feet.
> 
> “Um.” Had Gon said something wrong? “Killua?”
> 
> “You—” Killua sucked in a shuddering breath. “You remembered my birthday.”
> 
> “Of course I did! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t remember your birthday?”
> 
> A strange look crossed Killua’s face. He abruptly turned his back to Gon, hiding his expression. 
> 
> “But you deserve to have fun,” Killua said, voice hoarse. “You should go. I don’t want to hold you back.”

The opportunity to thank Killua came much sooner than Gon expected.

"There's a festival on Friday night next week," Kite told him as the pair sat in Kite’s old boat, rowing out towards the middle of the lake. 

Gon looked at him curiously. "A festival?" he panted. 

Kite nodded. "To celebrate Tanabata. I normally close up the research facility early and eat dinner in town. Would you like to join me?"

Gon opened his mouth, a 'yes' on his lips. But then the image of silver curls and blue eyes swan to the front of his mind, causing the words to stick in his throat.

The festival was at night. If he went with Kite, he wouldn't get to see Killua. His stomach churned at the thought. He _always_ wanted to see Killua. And even the temptation of the festival paled in comparison to hanging out with his friend. But how could Gon explain to Kite he couldn't come?

Gon looked out over the lake to avoid meeting Kite’s gaze. He could see the swan off in the distance, a white dot on a blue lake growing larger and larger with every push and pull of their oars. "What's the date of the festival?" Gon asked, trying to buy himself time.

"This Friday? It's the seventh. July seventh."

Gon stiffened as arms locked in place. Because July seventh...that was...

"I can't go," Gon said, finally turning to face Kite again.

Kite frowned. "Why not? You won't have to make up the work, I promise—"

"That's not it. July seventh is...it's my friend's birthday. I promised I would do something special with him."

Gon hadn't told Killua anything of the sort. Killua probably didn't even know Gon knew it was his birthday, Gon having only seen the date marked on the picture of him and Alluka that one time. 

But Gon _did_ want to do something special for Killua. He had grown to mean so much to Gon in a short period of time and Gon wanted to celebrate all the wonderful memories they had made together. Besides, it wouldn't be right to abandon a friend on his own birthday.

"A friend?" Kite repeated, frown deepening. "You told me you didn't have any friends to say goodbye to when I picked you up from Whale Island."

Gon smiled weakly. "Yeah, well, it’s a friend I made here."

"Hm." Kite was still looking at him quizzically. He opened his mouth and Gon steeled himself for an onslaught of questions—

_HONK!_

Gon breathed a sigh of relief as swan-Killua paddled up to their boat. He'd never been so happy to see the bird in his life.

"Hi, Killua." He laid down his oar and reached out. The swan glided eagerly towards him, jutting out his head so Gon could pet the crown of his head. "How are you doing today? Did you catch any yummy fish?"

"Amazing..."

"Huh?" Gon looked to his mentor, who was staring at Gon and the swan with wide eyes. "What's amazing?"

Kite shook his head. "You, with the swan. I've never seen him so friendly with another human before."

"What?" Now it was Gon's turn to be surprised. "Never? Not even with you?"

"No. How long has he been letting you touch him?"

"Um..." Gon thought back, nose scrunching. "A couple weeks? Why—is that bad?"

"No, I don't believe so. I'm just surprised."

Gon turned back to the swan with a grin. "Killua just likes me."

"I suppose he does," Kite said, watching curiously as Killua the swan cooed under Gon’s touch.

**-o0o-**

“Sorry I’m late,” Gon said as he leaned his bike against its usual spot on the gate post. “I was talking to Kite.”

“Oh?” Killua tilted his head. He had his arm crossed, leaning heavily on one leg. His hair shone silver under the dim light like a second moon. “About what? Did he threaten to fire you or something?”

Gon stuck out his tongue. “Don’t be mean, Killua,” he said and Killua snickered. 

“So he _didn’t_ fire you, then?”

“No, of course not!”

“Damn.” Killua sighed dramatically. “If you’d been fired, we could have hung out all night long. Oh well.”

Gon paused. Killua wasn’t wrong about that, actually. The only reason why Gon didn’t spend all night with Killua was because he needed to get some amount of sleep to function for Kite during the day. If Gon didn’t have the job... 

Gon faced Killua. “Is that what you would want?”

Killua blinked. “Wh-What?”

“For me to leave my job with Kite? So we could spend more time together?”

Killua sputtered. “It—It was a _joke,_ Gon. Why would I want to give up your dream?” He shook his head. “I would never ask you to do that. That’s not what friends do.”

Gon mulled that over. True, friends didn’t make friends sacrifice their dreams for wants. But Gon was selfish at heart and he wasn’t so sure he would have said the same if he were in Killua’s position. 

After all, their time together was limited. At the end of the summer Kite would pack up his things and travel to another place to do research for some big company and Gon would go with him...leaving Killua here. 

Gon’s stomach plummeted to the ground. For a moment, he couldn’t breathe. 

“A-Anyway, what were you and Kite talking about?” Gon heard Killua ask over the ringing in his ears. “It must have been something interesting for you to be late.”

Gon looked at Killua. The Zoldyck was staring determinedly at the ground, the tips of his ears red while he dug the toe of his sneaker into the sand. 

“The town is putting on a festival next week,” Gon answered, bracing his hands on the wooden gate as he swung one leg over at a time so he could join Killua. “He was telling me earlier that we should pack work up early that day so we can attend. But I told him I couldn’t.”

Killua looked up, blinking. “What? Why not?”

“Because it’s next Friday—the seventh. It’s your birthday, Killua. And I would much rather spend time with _you_ and celebrate however you wanted.”

For a moment, Killua just stared at him. He stared and stared and stared, unblinking, and Gon shifted awkwardly on the balls of his feet.

“Um.” Had Gon said something wrong? “Killua?”

“You—” Killua sucked in a shuddering breath. “You remembered my birthday.”

“Of course I did! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t remember your birthday?”

A strange look crossed Killua’s face. He abruptly turned his back to Gon, hiding his expression. 

“But you deserve to have fun,” Killua said, voice hoarse. “You should go. I don’t want to hold you back.”

Gon frowned. Why would Killua say that? “You’re not holding me back. And I _do_ have fun with you. I have fun every night we’re together. Next Friday won’t be any different.”

Killua tilted his head up to the starry sky with a shaking breath. “This is—This is different. This festival happens only once a year. If you miss it, you’ll regret it.”

“Killua,” Gon said sternly. He moved to stand beside his friend, trying to catch his eye, but again Killua quickly turned away. Gon huffed. _“Killua._ I _want_ to be with you. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. Don’t you want to be with me, too?”

“Y-Yeah…” came the quiet confession.

“Okay, so, I don’t see the problem!”

“I don’t want you to miss out on anything because of me.”

Gon pursed his lips. Killua was being stubborn. But that was okay. Gon was stubborn, too. And Gon wanted to be with Killua. Even if he went to the festival, he would just be thinking of Killua the whole time anyway. 

...wait.

“Maybe,” he began, excitement stealing the breath from his lungs, and Killua finally looked at him. “Maybe you could come with me!”

Killua’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“Come to the festival with me, Killua!”

“Wh—no, I mean, I heard you the first— _no!_ No, I _can’t.”_

“C’mon, Killua, why not?” Gon whined. He grabbed Killua’s hands, squeezing them tightly when Killua squirmed and tried to pull away. “The festival would be so much better with you at my side. And then we could celebrate your birthday at the festival together! We would have so much fun, I know it.”

Killua _still_ hesitated. His blue eyes darted around, looking anywhere but at Gon. His cheeks were dusted pink and his hands were clammy. He was torn on what to do—but _why?_ This decision should be so simple, so easy. 

Maybe he just needed a little push. 

“Killua,” Gon said, gentler this time. “Do you want to go to the festival? Answer honestly. Because if you don’t want to go, we don’t have to go. But if you _do_ want to go…”

Killua bit on his lower lip. Gon’s gaze was momentarily drawn to white teeth pressing against a soft mouth. Something in Gon’s stomach twisted. 

Gon looked up again, blinking as Killua began haltingly, “What I want isn’t important—”

“Yes, it is!” Gon squeezed Killua’s hands again. “Your opinion matters to me _,_ Killua! And I want you to do whatever _you_ want to do on your birthday. So just tell me— _what do you want?”_

Killua stared at the ground between their toes. One second passed, then two, then three. Gon waited patiently. He meant what he said—Killua’s opinion was the only one that mattered right now. It was his birthday and he deserved happiness and fun after being alone for so long. So Gon would go along with however Killua chose to celebrate.

Finally, Killua sighed. He lifted his gaze and Gon’s heart gave a little stutter as blue eyes met his. 

“I want to go to the festival. I want to spend my birthday with you, Gon.”

**-o0o-**

Gon rocked back and forth on his heels, anxiously glancing around the deserted beach. He'd told Kite to go onto the festival without him, determined to wait for Killua. And Killua had said he would be ready around eight o'clock. Right?

Gon checked his watch with a frown. Killua was a little late. Which wasn't an issue, per se, but the moon was already starting to rise above the treetops, and Gon wanted Killua to enjoy as much of the festival as possible. It didn't seem like Killua had a lot of happiness in his life, being cooped up in his family’s mansion all day.

But Killua had Gon now. And Gon would make sure Killua would enjoy tonight. He’d make sure Killua wouldn’t spend this birthday alone.

"Gon!"

Gon looked up at the familiar call of his name, a smile already blooming across his face. "Killua! Hey, are you—"

The rest of Gon's response died on his lips. Because there was Killua, lips curled into a sharp grin and his normally pale cheeks flushed as he walked towards Gon. He wore a flannel button down with a dark shirt underneath and a headband to push his bangs back and out of his face. The familiar silver necklace hung from his neck but now there were several pairs of earrings decorating the shells of his ears. Killua even had a simple, thin bracelet on his left wrist. 

Gon suddenly felt too warm. Uncomfortably so. Heat crawled up the back of his neck and pooled low in his stomach. Since when had the night gotten so hot?

“Uh.” Killua quirked an eyebrow, slowing to stand in front of Gon. “You okay, Gon?”

Gon shook himself out of his reverie. The prickling warmth was still there, bubbling under his skin the longer Killua looked at him, and he rubbed the back of his neck with a forced laugh. “Y-Yeah! Yeah, I’m—I’m fine. Why?”

"You’re kind of just...standing there. And staring.”

"Oh," Gon said faintly, unsure of what else to say. "Sorry. It's just..."

"Just, what?"

Gon took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He had to pull himself together. He saw Killua every night. There was no reason to get flustered just because his friend put on a new shirt and a headband. Even if that shirt under Killua’s flannel hugged his sides a little too snugly and the loss of his bangs made his eyes even more mesmerizing than they already were—

 _"Gon."_ Killua was laughing now, the sound melodic and wonderful. Another wave of that strange, fluttering heat washed over Gon. "Seriously, what's going on with you?"

"N-Nothing!” Gon squeaked. “I'm just glad to see you, that's all!"

Killua snickered. "Yeah, okay, sure. Whatever you say."

Gon pouted. "Are you not happy to see me, too?"

"I see you every night, Gon."

"So?"

"So..." Killua scrunched his nose and Gon grinned, raising his eyebrows. "So—yeah, I guess I'm happy to see you, too."

"Good." 

Gon stepped forward, reaching out to pull Killua into a tight embrace. Killua stiffened as if surprised. Which, maybe he was—Gon couldn’t remember ever hugging Killua before now. He didn’t even think they’d done more than hold hands. 

Killua felt nice, his body warm and solid in Gon’s arms. Gon hoped this would be the first of many hugs. That way maybe Killua wouldn’t be so shocked next time Gon embraced him. 

"Happy birthday, Killua,” Gon murmured. 

Killua shivered. "Th-Thanks."

Gon pulled back, beaming. "Ready for the festival?" he asked. 

Killua gave a jerky nod. His cheeks were pink. "Yeah. Let's—Let's go."

Without another word, Gon slipped his hand into Killua's and led him towards the gate.

**-o0o-**

The festival was grand—well, as grand as it could be for a little lakeside town nestled between a few distant mountains and an hour from the closest city. But the community really did go all out for the Tanabata party. Lights hung in a crisscross pattern from building to building all down main street, vendors were set up every few feet selling silly hats and offering prizes to games, a ferris wheel glowed in the middle of a parking lot and a carousel spun next to it.

It was a breathtaking sight for Gon, who had never seen the town so dressed up before. It was even more amazing to Killua, if his wide eyes and dropped jaw were anything to go by.

"You okay?" Gon asked, unable to keep himself from smiling as he took in the awed look on Killua's face. 

"Yeah," Killua breathed. "It's—It's just..."

"A lot." Gon squeezed Killua's hand. "I know. But it's cool, right? Where would you like to go fir— _whoa!"_

Gon nearly tripped over his own feet as Killua dragged him off to the side. It didn’t take long for him to see what had caught Killua's attention—a sweets stand. 

Gon let out a breathless laugh. Why wasn't he surprised?

"You want food?" he asked and Killua looked at him over his shoulder, blue eyes sparkling.

"No," Killua said as the two of them reached the end of the vendor's line. "I want _chocolate._ That’s way better than any normal food."

Gon's cheeks were hurting from smiling. "Dessert for dinner? That doesn't sound very healthy, Killua."

"Oh, shut up. It's my birthday, let me live a little!"

Gon snickered. "Okay, birthday boy. Your wish is my command."

He gave a deep bow and Killua snorted. He hit Gon's shoulder lightly, scolding him, "Cut it out, people are staring."

A giddy, weightless feeling filled Gon's chest. He was pleased to see a pink flush coloring Killua's cheeks as he stood again. Killua looked nice like that—blushing, that was. He seemed to glow under lights stretching above their heads.

"Let me pay for you," Gon said just before they reached the front of the line.

Killua frowned. "Gon, no, I brought money—"

"It's your birthday," Gon said firmly, cutting his friend off. "And I want to. So let me pay. Please?"

Killua looked at him scrutinizingly, as if searching for something. Gon wasn't sure what he saw or what he was even looking _for._ But after a heavy pause, Killua gave in with a sigh and nodded.

"Fine. You can pay for this _one thing_. But you're not paying for anything else tonight!"

**-o0o-**

Killua did not pay for the chocolate. He also did not pay for Gon's caramel apple, or the ferris wheel ride, or dart-throwing game that Killua ultimately won with an all-time high score. Killua didn't pay for anything, because Gon refused to let him so much as take out his wallet.

This was Killua's birthday. This festival was his present. And Gon didn’t want Killua to worry about something as silly as money, not when Gon had brought along plenty enough for the both of them.

Besides, making Killua smile so much made all of Gon’s expenses worth it. But as the night stretched on and Gon spent more time in Killua's presence, he came to realize something.

Witnessing Killua so happy, helping him truly relax and enjoy himself...it caused something warm to bloom in Gon's chest. Normally he wouldn't pay much attention to something as little as that—Killua often unintentionally made Gon's heart stutter or soar with a simple laugh or genuine smile. But this felt different. This felt _new_.

Because now Gon was noticing little details about Killua that he never paid attention to before. He stumbled over his words when Killua’s lips curved upwards with a loud laugh. His gaze was drawn to and lingered on Killua's cheeks whenever they turned pink with a light blush. And with every detail, a strange yearning started to grow in Gon. A longing for something. 

Maybe it was just the excitement of the festival or the adrenaline from the sweets. Maybe it was Killua’s own giddiness rubbing off on Gon or maybe, even, Gon was just imagining things. 

But Gon did know one thing—he wanted to see Killua this joyful and carefree more often. He wanted Killua to always smile, to always look at Gon like he held the stars in his palms. 

And, more than anything, Gon didn't want this wonderfully perfect night to end.

**-o0o-**

"I can't believe you got me this," Killua grumbled, and Gon grinned.

"Aww, Killua, don't tell me you don't like my gift!"

Killua rolled his eyes and hoisted the 'gift' in his arms. "It's not that I don't like it, it's just...Did you have to get something so _big?_ How am I supposed to carry this thing back through the woods to the mansion?"

He shook his head and Gon snickered. Gon could tell by the small, but genuine smile on Killua’s face that he really wasn’t too annoyed. How could he be, when Gon had intentionally picked out the gift for Killua?

Gon lowered his gaze from Killua’s flushed face to the 'gift'. It wasn't something he'd intended on getting for his friend. The fact that Gon had won the skipping rocks contest was a happy coincidence—or maybe not, considering Gon used to skip rocks every day back at Whale Island. Gon originally intended to refuse the contest’s prize since there wasn’t anything he wanted for himself. But that changed when he saw the oversized swan plushie. 

How could Gon _not_ get a swan plushie for Killua when he’d named the blue-eyed swan after him? It was poetic, almost. 

"You'll find a way. I believe in you," Gon said confidently and Killua rolled his eyes. "Besides, now you'll have something to remember me by!"

"...I don't need a stuffed animal to remember you by, Gon.”

Killua’s voice was soft. Gon slowed his step, glancing at his friend from the corner of his vision. Killua was gazing at the swan plushie in his arms with red-tipped ears and strangely gentle look in his blue eyes. A small smile curved his lips and Gon had to force himself to look away.

What did Killua mean by that? What _would_ he remember Gon for, if not a plushie and this birthday memory?

Gon licked his lips. "Killua, do you think we could maybe—?"

"You came after all."

Gon stiffened, blood rushing out of his face. _Oh, no._ He knew that voice. 

He turned around. Sure enough, there Kite was standing just a few steps away staring at them with raised eyebrows and a roll of cotton candy in one hand. He looked too casual for the cool tone of his voice. 

"K-Kite," Gon stammered. His mind was blank because—because Kite and Killua _knew each other._ How was he going to explain why he was here with Killua? "Um. Hi?"

"Hello, Gon.” Kite tilted his head and Gon held back a grimace as Kite's gaze shifted over Gon’s shoulder. "Hello to you too, Killua."

"Hi, Kite," Killua said warily. Gon, surprised at Killua’s tone, turned to look at him. Killua’s expression was stony, a carefully impassive mask. Any warmth in his eyes from just a minute ago had vanished.

Kite glanced back at Gon. He didn’t seem at all phased by Killua’s stiffness as he asked, "Killua is the friend you were waiting for?"

Gon bowed his head. "Yeah."

"I'm surprised. I thought you stopped going to the lake after that first night."

Shame washed over Gon. He curled his hands into fists, opening his mouth—

But then Killua stepped in front of him.

"He did," Killua said as Gon's eyes widened. What was Killua doing? "He never went over the gate. He kept his promise to you. _I'm_ the one who let him come onto lake property."

Kite grew very still. "You let him—?"

"Yes."

There was a heavy pause. Townspeople bustled around them, unaware of the palpable tension crackling in the air. Gon looked back and forth between Killua and Kite once, then twice. Confusion washed over him. What was going on? Why was Kite focusing on Killua when Gon was the one he should be mad at?

Kite let out a long breath. "Killua. Can I have a word with you?"

Killua wordlessly handed his swan plushie to Gon. Gon took it without thinking, his brain still lagging in his own confusion as his friend began to walk towards his mentor. 

"Wait!" he cried once Killua reached Kite's side. The pair looked back at him and Gon stepped forward. "You aren't mad at me, Kite?"

Kite frowned. "I trust Killua. If he says you didn't disobey my rules, then I believe him. And if he let you cross the gate..." He eyed Killua and Killua stared impassively back. "Well. I'll have to see what he says."

Kite turned and began to walk away. Killua glanced at Gon. "Wait here," he instructed firmly. "I'll be back in a second."

"But—"

"Gon, I mean it. _Stay here._ I'll come back. Okay? Just wait."

He quickly followed after Kite, leaving Gon standing alone in the middle of the fair. Gon scowled at Killua’s retreating back. He had no idea what that was all about. But he _did_ know one thing:

There was no way in hell he was going to wait here.

**-o0o-**

Gon waited until Killua and Kite had vanished around the nearest building corner before chasing after them.

It was pretty hard to be stealthy while holding a plushie swan half his size. But Gon did as best he could to nimbly maneuver through the crowd towards the direction of his mentor and friend. Once he reached the building corner, he peeked around the edge. 

There was Kite and Killua talking to the side in a mostly empty courtyard. Killua had his arms folded, back to Gon, while Kite faced Killua with a distinct furrow in his brow. A few townsfolk were strolling through the courtyard, some making their way towards the nearest ride while others stood in tight clusters and laughing. They should give Gon enough cover to make a run for the statue just behind Kite and Killua.

Gon inhaled deeply, adrenaline flooding his veins, and sprinted towards the statue. He ducked behind it and held his breath. His heart hammered, his grip on the swan plushie was knuckle white. He listened intently as he waited for the sound of footsteps approaching his hiding spot. 

But they never came.

Gon sighed, the tension draining from him. Kite and Killua hadn't noticed him, then. That was good. That meant he could listen onto their conversation without waiting to be caught. He just had to make sure to leave before they returned to the spot where Gon _should_ be waiting.

So Gon tipped his head back against the statue, arms crushing the swan plushie to his chest. He closed his eyes, breathed in deep, and _listened_.

"—in danger, I'll have to have a word with your family."

Gon frowned. That was Kite talking.

"He's not _in danger,"_ came Killua's retort. "Do you really think I'd let him visit me every night if I thought it would be risking his safety?”

"I have no idea. You've never let anyone visit the lake at night before. Why is Gon different?”

Killua didn't respond. Gon's heart was racing wildly. He wanted so badly to peek behind the statue, to see the expression on Killua's face. Was he frowning, scowling? Did he have his hands shoved into his pockets like he always did when he got embarrassed? Or was he looking off to the side, refusing to meet Kite's gaze like he'd refused to meet Gon's so many times?

And more importantly— _what_ were Killua and Kite talking about? What danger could Gon possibly be in while visiting Killua? Kite made it sound as if Killua's family was the danger, but how could that be? They were miles and miles away! At least, that’s how Killua always made it seem whenever he mentioned them. 

Killua began talking again and Gon strained his ears—

"Gon is...stubborn,” Killua said slowly, and a warmth bloomed in Gon’s chest. “He wouldn't stop visiting me no matter how many times I told him off. And I _did_ try to get him to leave, before you ask. I tried the best I could. But you know Gon even better than I do—when he's really focused on something, he won't let go. And for whatever reason, he wanted to visit the lake at night. I blame _you_ for that, actually."

 _"What?"_ Kite asked sharply and Gon winced at his tone.

"If you never told him to visit the lake at night, he wouldn’t have come. And then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. So whose fault is it really, Kite?"

There was a heavy pause. Gon's mind was a raging whirlwind. Killua wasn't wrong—the curiosity about Kite's rules was what had driven Gon to go against them in the first place. He wouldn’t have thought of visiting the lake at night if Kite hadn’t brought it up. 

"There's no point in blaming each other," Kite said at long last, and Gon heard Killua snort.

"At least we agree on something."

"I just want to make sure you two are being safe," Kite stressed and Gon's grip on the swan tightened. He was concentrating as hard as he could on the discussion, trying to pick up every detail even as Kite’s voice lowered. "I know your brother—"

A couple walked by Gon’s statue, laughing and chatting and drowning out Kite's next few words. Gon gritted his teeth and willed with all his might for the couple to pass as quickly as possible. What was Kite talking about, what was so important about Killua's brother?

"—of trouble?" Kite was saying as the couple finally passed. "Does he usually send a warning?"

"Not always," Killua admitted. "He's...well, you know. He’s _Illumi_. He does what he wants and I don’t get a say in it. But he doesn't visit as often as he used to. I haven’t seen him since Gon arrived, actually."

Silence. Gon waited but he didn't hear a word from either party. Was the conversation over? Should he sneak back to the festival?

"I'll make sure to be careful." Gon perked up. That was Killua speaking again. "But that’s all I can promise. I'll take extra precautions, I'll do whatever I have to do to keep Gon safe. But I can't promise not to let Gon visit. If I couldn’t get him to stop before, he absolutely won’t now."

Gon smiled, staring down at the courtyard stone under his shoes. Heat prickled across his cheeks and his heart fluttered. He didn’t know why Killua’s words made him all warm and tingly inside but they did.

Distantly, Gon heard Kite laugh. “I don't think he would stop visiting, either. He seems very... _taken_ with you, from what I could tell."

"Wh-What's that supposed to mean?" Killua sputtered as Gon's stomach flipped. 

"Just that you two seem to enjoy each other's company immensely. I was watching you at the festival earlier."

"Yeah, w-well...he's a good friend."

Killua's voice was full of quiet tenderness. Gon couldn't help the way his hands clenched into fists, how his heart swooped and fell. He hugged the swan plushie to his chest and smiled against its neck. 

Knowing Killua enjoyed being with him as much as he enjoyed being with Killua...it meant everything to Gon. It was a special kind of euphoria.

"Have you been enjoying the festival?” Kite asked, the conversation changing to a more light-hearted topic. “I know you've avoided coming in prior years."

"Oh—yeah! It’s great. I never pictured it could be like this—"

Gon took that as his cue to leave. He quickly checked to make sure there were enough people to cover him before ducking his head and rushing back to his 'waiting' spot.

His mind raced as he left the courtyard. What was that all about? The most he got out of the conversation was that Kite didn't want Gon getting involved with Killua’s family. His brother, especially. But Killua was a part of his family. Did that make him dangerous, too? Gon couldn’t believe that. Killua had never tried to hurt Gon. If anything, he actively tried to keep Gon _out_ of trouble.

Gon remembered Killua patching him up after Gon had fallen in the rain. He remembered the coolness of Killua's touch, how gently he cleaned and tended to Gon's wounds. He remembered how close they'd been when they hugged earlier, close enough for Gon to smell Killua's strawberry shampoo and count his eyelashes.

Gon's cheeks warmed. He shook his head, trying to chase the image and feel of Killua out of his brain because that was _not_ helping him think clearly. 

Killua was a good person. Gon was sure of it. And he trusted Killua to keep him safe from whatever danger Kite was so worried about.

But this only heightened Gon's curiosity about the mysterious and beautiful person he called his best friend. Because he had been right—Killua _was_ hiding something from him. Something that Kite seemed to know about. 

And now that Gon knew about it, it was only a matter of time before he discovered those secrets himself.

**-o0o-**

Gon didn't question Killua about his conversation with Kite. The night had already been so wonderful in every possible way and Gon didn't want to ruin the evening by demanding Killua tell him something he wasn’t ready to talk about. There would be another time and place for Gon to learn about Killua’s secrets. So Gon simply smiled when Kite and Killua returned, bid a happy goodbye to Kite, and dragged Killua off towards the Ferris wheel.

The rest of the festival passed in a colorful blur. Killua's brilliant smile warmed Gon from the inside out, his melodic laughter made Gon laugh in turn. Gon couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so giddy and full of joy. It was one of the best nights of his life. 

And it was all because of Killua.

When the festival began winding down, Gon slid his hand into Killua's and squeezed tightly. “Let’s go,” he said.

Killua held onto Gon as he led them towards the edge of town. "Where are we going?" he asked, breathless. When Gon looked over his shoulder, Killua’s blue eyes were sparkling in the starlight, his pale cheeks flushed. 

Gon grinned. "I want to show you something. Just follow me.”

He pulled Killua past the last festival booth, beyond the stragglers stumbling their way home, and all the way back to the lake. The walk was long and cool but much needed after the overload of scents and lights and shouts from the festival. 

It was peaceful, walking at night and talking with Killua. It was familiar, comforting in the best possible way. 

"You wanted to walk me home?" Killua teased Gon as the lake’s gate finally came into view. "How chivalrous, Gon. Are you gonna kiss me goodnight, too?"

Heat washed over Gon in a wave. "I—I didn’t mean—I was just—"

"Relax," Killua laughed and leaned into Gon's side. His body was warm and solid against Gon's arm. "I'm _kidding_ , Gon. You should see your face—I’ve never seen you blush so hard!"

Gon stuck out his tongue. "Meanie," he said, though there was no bite to his words.

"Doofus."

Gon grinned at the nickname. Killua grinned back, his smile as breathtaking as ever, and Gon's heart stuttered. There was a strange swooping sensation in his stomach, like he’d just missed a step on the stairs. 

Gon faltered. What was _that?_ That feeling of flying yet falling at the same time—it was something Gon couldn’t remember ever experiencing before. It wasn’t a _bad_ feeling, per se. Just...different. New. 

Well, whatever the feeling was, he could wait to decipher it later. Because they had finally, _finally_ reached the lake. 

"This way." He tugged Killua off towards the side once they jumped over the gate. "I have something I want to show you before you go home."

Killua quirked an eyebrow but followed Gon without question. "You've already shown me Kite's research facility."

"That's why I'm _not_ showing you that." Gon smirked at the confused look Killua gave him. "Don't worry. You'll love it. Just wait here for a second. Okay?"

Killua nodded and Gon—reluctantly—let go of his hand. He unlocked the door, stepping inside and closing it behind him. For a moment, he rested against the wall. He took a deep breath and tried willing his racing heart to calm itself. He'd planned to do this for Killua a while ago and he wasn't going to mess it up now, no matter how his stomach twisted with an excited sort of anxiety. 

He quickly walked through the unlit house, making his way towards the kitchen. Then he opened the refrigerator and gently took out a packaged box. He was mindful not to tilt it too much one way or the other—he didn't want the contents inside to fall over and spill.

Killua looked up as Gon opened the door again. "Okay," Gon said as he stepped forward. He didn’t hesitate to take Killua’s hand with his free one. "Let's go."

"Where now?" Killua asked, curiosity coloring his voice as he eyed Gon's box.

Gon smiled at Killua’s eagerness. He led Killua off the deck and down the length of Kite’s dock. "Just to the end of the dock up there. The view is really, _really_ pretty at night with the lake reflecting the stars and the moon. You'll see."

"Gon..." Killua said quietly. There was a strange tone to his voice, one full of hesitation but anticipation. "We really don't have to—"

"I want to," Gon said firmly, squeezing Killua's hand. "It's a beautiful sight and I know you'll love it. We're almost there, anyway."

Killua stayed silent. When Gon glanced over his shoulder, Killua was staring very determinedly at the wooden boards under their feet. The tips of his ears were tinted red.

Gon bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling. He didn't want Killua to think he was making fun of him, after all. 

The pair finally made it to the end of the dock and sat down. Their legs swung over the edge, their toes just barely brushed the still surface of the lake. Killua sat quietly for a long moment as he clutched the swan plushie to his chest. Gon in turn watched him, drinking in the sight of the moon and stars reflecting in his friend's blue eyes.

Because, yes, the sight of the lake reflecting the starry sky like a mirror was stunning and a worthwhile experience to witness every night of the year. But Killua was just as beautiful, if not more so, and Gon was quickly realizing he preferred looking at Killua instead of the incredible view in front of them.

"This is amazing," Killua said. His voice was a whisper, as if speaking any louder would break the stillness around them. "I get why you wanted to show this to me. Thank you."

Gon laughed. "What do you always say about 'thank you's?"

Killua rolled his eyes and nudged Gon’s side with his elbow. "Shut up. I felt like it had to be said, okay? You've been way too nice to me tonight. I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you."

"You don't _need_ to repay me for anything, Killua. I wanted to do all this for you—it's your birthday! And the night's not over yet."

Killua sat up straight. "It's not?" he asked, blue eyes darting to Gon's box.

"Nope. It's not."

Gon moved over a bit and placed the box in the empty space between him and Killua. He carefully unfolded the top flap then pulled back so Killua could see what was inside.

Killua's eyes widened and Gon heard his breath catch. "Wha—Gon, you didn’t have to do this!”

Gon grinned. "I already told you I _wanted_ to do it, Killua. Here—let me take them out of the box before you start drooling."

Killua scrunched his nose in that cute way of his. "I don't drool," he grumbled but scooted back so Gon could reach for the two chocolate cupcakes he’d so carefully chosen at the bakery earlier that day. 

Gon held a cupcake out to his friend with a beam. "I didn't get any candles but we can still sing happy birthday if you want?”

“No singing,” Killua said firmly and accepted the cupcake. His eyes softened as he started to pull off the wrappings. "You really went all out with this birthday thing, huh?"

"Of course! It's a celebration of _you_. I'm glad we got to meet, Killua. I’m so glad you're my friend."

Killua turned a little red at Gon’s words. It was a pretty shade of red—like roses when they first started to bloom. "Me, too. Gon. I have a lot of fun with you."

He then promptly shoved half of the cake into his mouth. Gon snickered. Killua didn’t take well to compliments, but that was okay. 

"You're cute when you're flustered," Gon commented off-handedly, and Killua's shoulders jumped up to brush his ears.

Killua swallowed with some difficulty before glowering at Gon, "Shut up, Gon."

"Why? You tease me all the time! It’s only fair I get to tease you back.”

Killua rolled his eyes. His cheeks were still stained a pretty pink and slowly darkening with each passing second. "It's different when _I’m_ the one doing the teasing. Okay? Also, are you gonna eat your cake or can I have it?"

"I'm gonna eat it!" Gon said quickly and took a large bite out the side. Killua laughed, lifting a hand to cover his chocolate-smeared mouth.

Gon's heart gave a little stutter. It was really unfair—why did Killua have to be so adorable tonight? Was he always like this or had Gon just not been paying attention?

They finished the rest of their cupcakes in relative silence, enjoying each other's company and the quiet presence of the night. The festival had gone on so late the moon was already starting to lower itself back down towards the horizon. In a few hours, the sun would rise in its place. Gon would wake up and help Kite around the house and do chores, just like he did every weekend. But really he would just be biding time until he could see Killua again.

Those were what all his days were starting to feel like, lately. Just finding ways to pass the hours until he could get on his bike at night and ride to the lake.

Gon swallowed the last of his cupcake. "Tomorrow is Saturday,” he said slowly, stomach twisting for an unexplainable reason. 

"Mhm," Killua hummed.

"Do you have any plans?"

Killua shrugged, plopping the last bit of his cupcake into his waiting mouth. "Nah," he said, voice muffled. "Sleepin', prob'ly. Why?"

Killua was watching Gon out of the corner of his eye as he began to carefully lick icing off his fingers. Gon's gaze was drawn to his lips—how soft they looked, how his tongue poked out every few seconds to get every last trace of leftover chocolate.

Gon forced himself to look down at his lap, heart thumping in his ears. Why was he feeling so—so _hot_ tonight?

"I was thinking," Gon said, voice a pitch higher than normal. "That, um, maybe we could meet up a little earlier tomorrow? Since you don't have anything going on and _I_ don't have anything going on. We could get dinner or something, maybe. If you wanted. Um."

Gon fiddled his fingers. He couldn't bring himself to look at his friend, to see the expression Killua was making. His racing heart couldn't handle it. But _why_ was his heart reacting this way? Having dinner with a friend was a normal thing. It shouldn't make him this excited or nervous. His dinners with Kite never did, at least.

But maybe it was because this dinner wouldn't be with Kite. It would be with Killua. It would be with someone _special_. 

"...what time were you thinking about getting dinner?" came Killua's quiet question. 

"I don't know. Whenever you want, I guess."

"Would the same time as tonight work? Or is that too late?"

"That...That could work." Was that a yes? Was Killua accepting his invitation? "I could find a place still open around that time."

Gon heard Killua slowly, shakily, exhale. "Okay. Let's get dinner, then"

Gon's heart swelled like a balloon. He finally, _finally_ got the courage to look at Killua, who was also staring pointedly down at his lap. His cheeks were dusted that pretty rose color and the tips of his ears were scarlet. He was smiling that genuine, rare smile. The one that did something funny to Gon’s heart.

"Okay," Gon echoed, feeling strangely giddy and weightless. "Great. That's—That's really, really great."

Killua laughed. He lifted his gaze to Gon's, blue eyes sparkling with some emotion Gon thought might be joy. "You have a way with words, Mister Freecss."

"Hey, don't be mean to the guy that just gave you chocolate cake."

Killua laughed again. After a moment, Gon joined in. They laughed and laughed and laughed. It was a wonderful, warm and all-consuming moment, to be laughing alongside Killua with no one but the stars and the moon to hear them.

But finally their laughter died down and the quietness of the night returned. Killua let out a heavy sigh, curling his fingers around the dock ledge and staring at the water. 

Gon tilted his head. "What is it?"

"I should get going..." Killua swung his legs around and got to his feet with a groan. "It's been a great night, but we could both use some sleep."

"Has it been?" Gon moved to stand. He and Killua were face-to-face now, only a step of space between them. "A good night, I mean."

"It has," Killua confirmed and his blue eyes were soft. Tender. "It was the best birthday I could ask for. I'll have to plan something really special for _your_ birthday."

Gon grinned sheepishly. "Eh, well, you don't have to worry about that."

"Why not?"

"It, um, already passed? My birthday is May fifth."

"What?" The gobsmacked expression on Killua's face was enough to make Gon laugh again. "You mean I _missed_ it? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I wasn't even here yet, Killua! Kite picked me up at the end of May, remember?"

Killua pouted—an expression that was unfairly cute on his normally grumpy face. "That's...damn. I would have liked to do something special for you."

Something fluttered in Gon’s chest. "You already do more than you know, Killua."

Killua shook his head and pointed a finger in Gon’s face. "Don't go saying mushy stuff to distract me. You deserve a real gift, especially after doing all this for me tonight."

"I _wanted_ to do all that stuff for you—"

"Yeah, and I _want_ to do something for you, too," Killua retorted, and Gon snickered. "Just—give me a second to think."

"You don't have to do anything right now, Killua. It's late."

He couldn't help but be flattered. Killua was so adamant about doing something for Gon’s birthday even though it wasn't necessary and that was...nice. Really, _really_ nice. It meant a lot that Killua cared as much about making Gon happy as Gon cared about making Killua happy.

“I think I’ve got it.”

Gon blinked. “Huh?”

“Your birthday present. Just—stay still for me, okay?”

Killua narrowed his eyes. Gon stared into deep blue irises, enchanted by the moonlight reflecting in them. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone with such beautiful eyes. 

Swallowing thickly, he nodded. 

Killua’s expression hardened. He leaned forward, keeping eye contact with Gon all the while. Gon didn’t have time to do more than suck in a shuddering breath before cool lips pressed to his cheek. 

It was the shortest of kisses, barely lasting even a second. Killua’s face was a fantastic shade of red when he pulled back, but Gon could tell by the heat under his skin that his own wasn’t much better. 

“Th-There,” Killua stammered, shoving his hands in his pockets. “A belated birthday present.”

Gon stared at his friend dumbly, the tips of his fingers tingling. Had Killua just...had Killua just _kissed_ him? Killua, who had been so cold and distant at their first meeting. Killua, whose laughter and smile was brighter than any star. Killua, Gon’s first friend and fellow adventurer and—

Killua leaned forward a second time and Gon’s heart stuttered to a stop. Again, cool lips pressed to Gon’s burning cheek for the shortest moment before pulling away. 

“What was _that_ for?” Gon asked faintly. His head was spinning and he was having a hard time catching his breath. 

Killua stared determinedly at his shoes. “That was for tonight. For doing all this for me.” 

Gon didn’t say anything. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. He reached up to touch the spot Killua had kissed him, dazed and awestruck and overwhelmingly giddy because—because _Killua had just kissed him._ Killua _kissed_ him. 

Killua coughed lightly before bending to pick up the swan plushie Gon had won him. He began slowly backing away from Gon, the plushie grasped tightly in his arms. “So, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

Gon blinked once. Then twice. “Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, tomorrow. Y’know, for dinner?”

Oh. Right. _Dinner._

Gon smiled, excitement and bubbling energy swelling inside him. “Yeah. See you tomorrow, Ki-llu-a.”

Killua smiled in return and Gon’s heart gave a helpless little flutter. “Bye, Gon.”

He turned on his heel and left. Gon watched him go, his gaze trailing after Killua as his friend walked back down the dock and across the beach until he finally disappeared behind the trees. 

Gon closed his eyes, fingers ghosting across his too-warm cheek. It had been a perfect night. More fun than he could have ever hoped for—and Killua had enjoyed it, too! 

And Killua had kissed him…

Gon sighed happily, chest full and light and breathless all at once. Killua’s lips had been smooth and silky against his cheek. Like swan feathers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/10/2021
> 
> I think I've said this before, but this fic is in total 66k words long. So every once in a while there's going to be longer chapters. This is one of the longer chapters standing at 8k words lol! But it needed to be long because a lot of stuff happened this chapter.....for example, we jumped straight from 'friendship' zone to 'kissing cheeks' and 'hanging out in a way that maybe a date' XDDD Also Gon getting Killua a swan plushie? I made myself laugh with that one hahaha
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I have to say it makes me really happy to have something to post every week on Sunday night, it gives me something to look forward to. I also love reading everyone's comments as Gon and Killua's relationship develops and we dive more into the plot. You guys remind me every week why I love writing so much ^-^
> 
> Thank you to xyliane on tumblr for her help beta'ing this fic! See you all next week~
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	8. date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you pay for Killua's dinner?"
> 
> Gon frowned. "Yes. Why?"
> 
> "It's just interesting, is all,” Kite said neutrally. The corners of his lips were quirked at the ends, like he wanted to smile but was trying hard not to. “Friends normally split the costs when they 'hang out'."
> 
> Gon looked away. "I was just trying to do something nice," he grumbled.
> 
> "Of course."
> 
> A pause. Gon stared at the ridges of wood in the windowsill ledge, as if counting the grooves would be enough to calm the racing of his heart.
> 
> Thinking of Killua as his date...it did something funny to him. 

The dinner with Killua was more fun than Gon could have ever imagined.

He'd never been out this early with Killua before, so he’d been slightly worried Killua might not show. But sure enough, was Killua waiting for him at the gate the following night, scuffing his shoe against the sand with his head bowed. Gon's heart swelled. Killua might not be as dressed up like he was yesterday, but he still looked nice in his maroon tank top, jeans and silver necklace. 

But Killua _always_ looked nice.

"Ready to go?" Gon asked as he stopped his bike next to the gate.

Killua’s head lifted at Gon’s voice. A smile spread across his face, and he jumped nimbly over the gate. "Always."

They rode to town together, with Gon pedaling the bike and Killua sitting behind him. It was much harder to pedal with two people on the bike instead of one, but the feel of Killua's arms wrapped tightly around Gon’s waist gave him all the energy he needed to keep a steady pace.

Gon took Killua to sushi. Mainly because Killua had never tried this specific restaurant before despite living on a lake, but also because fish was one of Gon's favorites as a result of growing up on an island. The place was casual but nice, with dim lighting and plenty of food laid out in buffet style. Killua's eyes grew to the size of their dinner plates as he took it all in.

"Do you want to share?" Gon asked Killua with a grin, heart fluttering. "I could grab half the options and you grab the other half?"

Killua grinned in kind. "You read my mind."

And so they did. Everything was delicious, from the drinks to the soups to the appetizers and the sushi itself. Killua tried it all, even ranking which ones he liked best and going back for seconds. Watching his blue eyes sparkle with excitement filled Gon's chest with a bubbling warmth. This simple joy was what he wanted for Killua every day.

But when Killua started to reach for the dessert menu, Gon had to pull his hand away.

"But Gon!" Killua whined as he gazed longingly at the picture of a rich, glazed chocolate cake. "Why can't I have dessert! I'm not too full yet—"

"I know. That's why I was thinking we could get ice cream, instead? There's a good dessert shop a few streets away _and_ it's self-serve, so you can put whatever you want on it!"

Killua’s face lit up. "I _love_ you," he sighed and something in Gon's chest flipped over. "Seriously, you know all the best spots in town and you've only been living here a month and a half!"

Gon beamed, cheeks prickling with warmth. "Kite doesn't like to cook much so we eat out a lot."

"So that means you must have a bunch of other restaurants you can take me out to?"

"S-Sure! I mean, if—if that's what you want?"

Killua's expression softened. "Of course I want it, dummy." He leaned across the table to flick Gon's forehead and Gon yelped. "C'mon, let's pay and get out of here."

Killua was quick to drag Gon out of the restaurant and down the street, Gon laughing all the while. When they got to the ice cream parlor, Killua ordered chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips and hot fudge and brownie bits and every other chocolate-y thing he could manage to cram into his order. Gon got vanilla with a drizzle of caramel.

"What?" Gon asked, catching sight of Killua staring.

Killua scrunched his nose. "I dunno, it's just so... _plain_. How can you eat that?"

"I can eat it just fine! Not all of us like chocolate on chocolate on chocolate like _you_ , Killua."

Killua blushed and shoved Gon. “Shut up, Gon.”

Gon snickered good-naturally, heart light and somehow full at the same time. 

Once they finished their ice cream, Gon led Killua back to his bike and they rode off towards the lake in quiet comfort. Gon lifted his face to the sky he pedaled. The evening breeze was cool on his skin, contrasting the warmth of Killua’s chest pressed against his back. It was a nice feeling to have Killua leaning against and on him. Nice enough that Gon didn’t want it to end. 

But it had too. The moon was only a portion of its usual size, but Gon had spent enough time awake at night to know its position in the sky. It was late. Too late, even for a stroll around the lake or a rock-throwing contest on the shore. And so it was with a heavy heart when Gon slowed to let Killua get off his bike upon their arrival at the familiar wooden gate.

"I, uh, had a really nice time," Killua said as he stared pointedly at the ground. The tips of his ears were pink. "But you really should let me pay you back."

Gon shook his head adamantly. "Nope! You're not paying for a single thing, it was my treat."

"But...you paid for the festival, tonight’s dinner, _and_ the ice cream. If we're doing something together, I should pay for my half."

"No can do, Ki-llu-a. It makes me happy to take you out and do fun things together. I'm fine with paying."

Killua stayed silent for a moment, lips pursed. Then he huffed, "Okay, fine. I'll let it go this time. But next time, _I_ get to decide what we do and where we go. And you don't get to argue."

There was a thrill in Gon's stomach. "What are you thinking of?"

Killua smirked. His cheeks were flushed and his blue eyes seemed to almost glow in the moonlight. "It's a secret."

Gon pouted. "Killua, that's not fair! You can't tease me like that!"

"I can and I _will_. All's fair in love and war, Freecss~" Killua took a step back before Gon could do much more than stammer. "I really should get going, though. If we continue talking..."

His voice drifted off, a wistful expression on his face, and Gon understood completely.

"...then we'll never say goodbye," he finished and Killua smiled slightly. "Okay. Well, I had a really nice time, too! I'll see you tomorrow?"

His heart fell as Killua shook his head. "I can’t do tomorrow. We’ll have to meet up again on Monday."

"What? Why Monday?" What was Killua doing tomorrow night?

"I have some family stuff tomorrow. Trust me, I would much rather hang out with you, but I can't. You'll just have to miss me for a day."

Gon pouted. Family stuff, again? Hadn’t Killua told him that before?

Killua took another step back. There was a rueful smile on his face. "Night, Gon. It's been fun."

"Bye, Killua..."

Gon stared after Killua as he left, a sad feeling weighing down his chest. The intensity of his disappointment surprised him—would he really miss Killua that much? 

The answer was an easy yes. Gon had begun to look forward to his visits with Killua more than his job with Kite. Killua was fun, exciting, _beautiful,_ mysterious. He was fascinating in every possible way. And Gon was deliriously happy whenever they were together.

Killua looked over his shoulder once he reached the edge of the forest. As Gon watched, Killua waved his hand in a final goodbye. Gon couldn't make out his expression but he smiled all the same as he returned the wave with one of his own.

Then Killua turned and disappeared from view. Gon sighed, slumping over his bike’s handlebars and resting his forehead against the cold metal.

A whole day and a half without Killua. What was he going to do with himself? 

**-o0o-**

Gon was sitting on the window bench in his bedroom and staring up at the sky when he heard a quiet knock at the door. 

“Come in,” Gon called, palm cupping his cheek. He was sad to see the stars and moon were hidden tonight. It had been a rare cloudy day at the lake and the clouds had carried over into the evening, casting the world into a shadowy darkness upon nightfall. 

Was Killua sad the moon wasn’t out, too? What was he doing with his family tonight? Did he think of Gon while they were apart just like Gon thought of him?

The door creaked open. "I'm going to retire for the night," came Kite's soft voice.

Gon nodded without turning around. "Alright. Sleep well, Kite."

There were soft footsteps on the carpet. "You're not going out to see Killua?"

The question caused a deep pang in Gon's heart. He frowned, curling his hands into fists. "No. Not tonight."

The bench cushion sagged and Gon saw Kite's narrow face out of the corner of his eye. "You seemed so excited when you left last night for your date. Did something bad happen?"

A rush of heat washed over Gon. He sputtered, heart lurching. "It—It wasn't a _date!_ We were just hanging out. Getting dinner, eating ice cream, going for a walk...you know, normal friend stuff."

"Hmm." 

Kite didn't sound convinced. Gon forced himself not to look at Kite. He couldn’t let Kite see his expression, didn’t want him to see...see _what?_ Kite’s words made him flush uncomfortably but why should that matter? Why should he care what Kite thought about him and Killua, anyway?

"Did you pay for his dinner?"

Gon frowned. "Yes. Why?"

"No reason. I was just curious.” 

Gon couldn’t help himself. He glanced at Kite. The corners of his mentor’s lips were quirked at the ends, like he wanted to smile but was trying hard not to.

"It's just interesting, is all,” Kite said neutrally. “Friends normally split the costs when they 'hang out'."

Gon looked away again. "I was just trying to do something nice," he grumbled.

"Of course."

A pause. Gon stared at the ridges of wood in the windowsill ledge, as if counting the grooves would be enough to calm the racing of his heart.

Thinking of Killua as his _date_...it did something funny to him. 

"Have you really gone to see him every night?" Kite asked quietly.

"Normally, yeah. Unless it's a night like tonight when he can't hang out.”

“Hm.”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just...I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so focused on a single person before."

"He's my first friend," Gon said, a little defensively. "He's...Killua is important to me. We have a lot of fun together, more fun than I've ever had in my entire life. I'm never bored with him."

But Killua was more than all that. Killua gave Gon something to look forward to everyday, something to think about when work was slow, something that made it worth moving away from home. Killua made Gon’s chest feel full and warm and breathless all at once. He made Gon _happy._

But if he told Kite all that his mentor would just tease him some more, and Gon really didn’t want that. But, _why?_ Why did the thought of dating Killua bother him so much?

It wasn’t that he hated the idea. Killua would be a really fun person to date, actually! He might be the only person in the whole world Gon would consider dating since they already had so much fun together as friends. And Killua had technically already kissed him. 

So what was with the strange buzzing anxiety that filled his gut whenever he thought about taking their friendship a step further?

A warm hand grasped Gon’s shoulder. Gon blinked, tearing his gaze away from the window to look at Kite. The other man’s eyes were dark and his mouth was twisted. His troubled expression was one Gon had never seen before.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going out every night?" he asked, pulling his hand back.

"I thought you would be mad," Gon answered honestly. "You weren't very happy when you found out I'd gone to the lake that first night. And you weren't happy at the festival when you learned I'd been visiting Killua this whole time. I didn't want to disappoint you when you've already done so much for me."

Kite's frown deepened. He didn't speak and Gon took the opportunity to push a little further.

"Why didn't you want me going to the lake at night, Kite? It's not because of any dangerous animals or else I would have seen them by now.” Gon paused. “Is it..is it because of Killua's family?"

Kite sighed. He took off his blue cap and ran a bony hand through his long locks of white hair. "Yes, I was trying to warn you of the Zoldycks. They’re dangerous people, Gon. It would be very, very bad for you to get caught up in their business."

Gon struggled to keep his face neutral. He could hardly believe it, he was getting some answers. _Finally._ He’d even learned Killua’s last name! 

"What kind of business do they have?" he asked curiously.

“I’m not sure, exactly. They’re old money, they’ve owned the lake and town for as long as anyone can remember but they rarely show face around there. And when they do…”

“When they do, what?”

“And when they do,” Kite said slowly, hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure he should be telling Gon any of this. “Strange things happen. _Accidents_ happen. People disappear or get hurt. Intense storms batter the area for weeks without end. It’s like a curse descends on everyone and everything the Zoldycks involve themselves in.”

Kite looked at Gon directly then, eyes hard. “It’s bad luck to see a Zoldyck, much less befriend one of them. I was warned against talking to them within the week I began working here. The Zoldycks are bad news, Gon.”

Anger flared up in Gon like a flame to gasoline. "Killua's not like his family," he said sharply. He didn't know what ‘Zoldyck curse’ the townspeople believed in, but Gon trusted Killua. Killua was good. Killua was kind. Killua wouldn't do anything to hurt Gon or anyone else. “You said you talked to Killua a few times before I came here and nothing happened to you! There’s nothing wrong with Killua. I'm sure of it.”

Kite sighed again. He reached out to give Gon a gentle pat on the back. "As long as you two are careful, that's all I care about. I don’t want to put you in harm’s way, even by accident."

With that he stood up and put on his cap. "Goodnight, Gon. Make sure to get some rest."

"...I will."

Gon watched Kite leave the room and shut the door. Then he looked back out the window, his mind even more muddled than before.

He had no idea what to make of that conversation. But he was sure of one thing—Killua wasn't like his family. Not if his family was as bad as Kite was suggesting they were. Gon trusted Killua and he wasn’t about to start doubting him now. 

**-o0o-**

Gon closed his eyes. "I can't stop thinking about Killua," he confessed quietly. 

He didn't know why he said it, exactly. There was no one around to hear his confession but the swan. But maybe that was exactly why he was saying it? It wasn't like his feelings could be denied or rejected like this.

Gon breathed in the lake air and fresh breeze. He pictured Killua, with his slanted blue eyes and silver hair and pale cheeks. He thought about gathering Killua in his arms, holding him close to Gon's heart. He thought about brushing Killua's cheek with his knuckles until they turned the faintest shade of pink.

He thought about Killua's smile, how beautiful it was and how rare. He wondered how that smile might feel pressed against Gon’s own lips. He wondered how Killua’s smile might taste. 

Heat curled in Gon's gut. His face burned and Gon sucked in a shuddering breath. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes until he saw stars.

Kite’s ‘dating’ comments last night had left Gon reeling for the rest of the night. They’d plagued Gon’s thoughts into the morning, followed him through the afternoon, and Gon couldn’t figure out why. He couldn’t stop daydreaming of Killua—how he felt, how he looked, how he smelled. Gon even started playing little scenarios in his head like movies, imagining how Killua might react if _Gon_ kissed _Killua’s_ cheek the next time they said goodbye. 

And all those thoughts birthed a slew of butterflies in his stomach, causing his heart to race until he felt like they might fly right out of his chest. 

Gon didn't know what to do with all these feelings. They definitely weren't ‘friend’ feelings—Gon might not have had friends before moving here, but he knew people didn't usually lose sleep trying to remember the exact shape of their friend’s mouth. And Killua was his friend, but somewhere throughout their nighttime adventures Gon had learned just how incredible and amazing and—and _captivating_ Killua really was. 

Killua was the whole package. And every part of Gon ached to be with him.

_Honk._

Gon lowered his hands, blinking. The swan was there, blinking his blue eyes at Gon in an almost quizzical manner.

Gon smiled softly. He extended a hand and rubbed his fingers along the swan's head. The bird's eyes closed, as if he was enjoying Gon’s touch. 

"What am I gonna do, Killua?" Gon mused. He hadn't expected that making friends could turn into something so confusing. But he had time. There was still another month and a half before Kite packed up his research facility for the year. Gon would figure out what to do with these new feelings before then.

He just hoped Killua felt a fraction of whatever it was Gon was feeling for him. Even that little reciprocation would make Gon the happiest person in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/17/2021
> 
> The current chapter title was not the original chapter 8 title but after some heavy consideration I realized that even though Gon hasn't caught up to the fact that he and Killua went on a date, they still did essentially go on a date lol XD That being said, I don't think Gon is stupid? He's aware that he's feeling something for Killua that is stronger and more intense than just friend feelings but he's also never had a friend before so how is he supposed to know what all these new feelings mean??? He won't be confused for much longer though I promise~
> 
> Speaking of longer, I believe next week will be another long chapter if my fic outline is anything to go by. So even though this chapter might be shorter than last week's update it really is just sandwhiched between two longer chapters :3 Also, idk if anyone realized this but we're over halfway through the story already I cannot believe it 0_o
> 
> Thank you all for reading! It warms my heart to read all your lovely comments ^-^ And thank you to xyliane on tumblr for her excellent beta skills! See you all next week.....
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	9. meadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you involved in bad things?" Gon asked and Killua finally turned to look at him. All at once, the breath left Gon's lungs. Killua's eyes were captivating, enchanting. Blue and piercing and curved elegantly at the corners. Gon couldn't look away even if he wanted to.
> 
> "What do you think?" Killua whispered.
> 
> "I don't think you could ever be bad," Gon breathed and something flickered in Killua's eyes, an emotion too quick for Gon to identify. "You're...You're Killua. I know you. You're too good to have done anything bad."
> 
> Killua's face scrunched up. "You’ve only known me one summer, Gon. That’s not enough time for you to make a statement like that."
> 
> "That doesn't matter!" Gon said. He dared to take Killua's hand, holding on tight when Killua stiffened. "Really, Killua. It doesn't matter. You're my best friend because of who you are now, not because of whatever you were like before we met. The Killua I know is selfless. He sacrifices his freedom to save his sister. He takes me exploring and patches me up when I fall. That's who you are, Killua. You're not your family—you’re _you."_

“Killua!” Gon cried out as he approached the lake gate the following night. 

Killua smiled. “Hello to you, too,” he said, sounding amused as Gon came to a stop and dropped the bike unceremoniously on the ground. “Did you miss _—oof.”_

Killua wheezed as Gon ran into him. He hugged Killua tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. Killua smelled like strawberries and the damp earth of the forest. He was warm and solid in Gon’s arms and Gon tried not to relish the embrace too much. 

“Do you even have to ask?” Gon murmured. “Of _course_ I missed you. You’re my best friend.”

Killua made a surprised sound in the back of his throat. “Really?” he asked as his hands timidly brushed Gon’s back. “I’m...I’m your best friend?”

“Yes. Of course you are. Killua, you’re—” He pulled back, sliding his hands up to grip Killua’s shoulders. “You’re _amazing_. Hanging out with you is my favorite part of living here. How could you _not_ be my best friend?”

Killua’s pale skin was darkening with every word. He stared at Gon, eyes wide as the moon and twice as beautiful. 

“Th-Thanks, Gon,” Killua stammered. “You’re...I mean, you have to know I feel the same. Right?”

Gon grinned, delighted at the sight of Killua’s flushed cheeks. “I know. But it would still be nice to hear it.”

Killua grimaced. “Do I have to?”

Gon simply waited, eyebrows raised, and Killua groaned. 

“This is so _embarrassing._ But—ugh, fine. You’re my best friend, too. Okay? You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Gon.”

Gon beamed. The butterflies were back, swirling and soaring in his chest until Gon couldn’t breathe without them stirring. Because Gon was Killua’s best friend, too. And if he liked Gon this much...maybe he also felt the strange burning need to be by Gon’s side that Gon did for Killua. 

“I’m glad,” Gon said warmly. “I have a lot of fun with you.”

That, for some reason, made Killua blush even harder. “Y-You—don’t say stuff like that, jeez.”

“Say stuff like what?”

Killua sighed, expression pained. “Nothing. Just...nothing.”

He reached up and removed Gon’s hands from his shoulders. Gon felt a pang of sadness until Killua slid their fingers together and squeezed tight. 

“Ready to go?” Killua asked. He still looked flustered, his gaze avoiding Gon’s, but Gon didn’t mind it. Killua looked nice with pink cheeks and darting blue eyes. 

“With you?” Gon smiled. “Always.”

Killua smiled in kind, expression softening with an emotion that was achingly tender. He tugged Gon off towards the woods and Gon followed without question. 

_Where are we going tonight?_ Gon wondered. 

**-o0o-**

Killua took Gon to a new part of the woods. After over a month and a half of exploring, Gon thought he had seen everything the forest had to offer. But this area was foreign to him, deeper in than they normally traveled, and Gon found he didn’t really care. With Killua’s hand clasped in his, how could he? As long as he was with Killua, Gon was happy.

“We’re almost there,” Killua said. “Just through these trees, I think...oh, yeah! We’re here!”

Killua broke into a sprint, dragging Gon behind him. Gon yelped and did his best not to trip. It was dark in the woods, only a small sliver of moonlight breaking through the branches and leaves to guide their way—

Finally, they broke through the line of trees. Gon blinked, squinting as his eyes adjusted. Then he gasped, “Oh. Killua….”

“Pretty, right?” Killua asked, sounding immensely proud of himself. “I found this place almost a year after I moved here. I thought you might like it.”

“I _love_ it.” Gon took a step forward and released Killua’s hand as he took in the sight around him. 

Stretched out in front of them was a large meadow. Moonlight poured down from the open sky above and illuminated hundreds of flowers, all different sizes and shapes and colors. The stars twinkled in the midnight sky as a light breeze passed by. Stems and petals bent in the wind, as if waving at them.

It was breathtaking in every sense of the word. Even more beautiful than the waterfall Killua had shown Gon in the early stages of their friendship.

Gon turned to Killua, cheeks hurting from the stretch of his smile. "Killua— _thank you._ This is absolutely amazing!"

Killua scoffed. "How many times have I told you off about saying thank you? Besides, this is supposed to be _me_ thanking _you."_

"Huh? For what?"

"For _what?_ Gon, do you not realize how much you've done for me the past few days?"

"That was for your birthday!" Gon whined, though his heart protested. It wasn't _just_ for Killua's birthday. Gon had done all those things for Killua because...well...

"That doesn't mean I can't return the favor." Killua folded his arms. "Besides, I never got to do anything for your birthday, so..."

Killua's voice trailed off. That uncomfortable, flushed look had returned to his face and Gon grinned. Had Killua always blushed this much? He didn't remember Killua acting so shy and hesitant when they first met. Maybe it was their newfound closeness. _Maybe_ it was because Killua felt the same yearning Gon felt for him.

The selfish part of Gon hoped beyond hope that was the case. After all, Killua was an even more beautiful sight than this meadow. 

“Well,” Gon said cheerfully, stepping closer to his friend. “If this is my birthday present, thank—”

A soft hand shoved Gon’s cheek. _“Don’t,”_ Killua ordered, though his grin betrayed his amusement. “If you say ‘thank you’ one more time—”

“What’re you gonna do, Ki-llu-a? Take away my gift? That would be pretty mean, you know.”

Killua scoffed. “You are _so_ annoying.” 

He tried to shove Gon again but Gon danced out of the way with a bright laugh. 

“You love me anyway!” he called in a sing-song voice. Delight filled his chest as he watched a darker red hue bloom across Killua's cheeks. 

“Y-You—!” Killua stammered. “Shut up, Gon!”

He lunged and Gon leaped to the side. Killua was persistent though, changing direction and charging at Gon once more. With Killua at his heels, Gon had no choice but to run. He ran as hard as he could, if only to keep Killua chasing after him. He thought he heard Killua shouting at his back but he was laughing too hard to hear what he had to say. He was so light he might fly.

Something grabbed Gon's wrist. Gon yelped as Killua yanked him back, using the momentum of Gon's weight to pull him around. The world was a blur of colors and Gon reached out blindly with his free hand. As if reading his mind, Killua’s hand found his and held on tight. Gon squeezed Killua’s fingers, refusing to let go. 

Gon found himself spinning around in a circle with Killua’s pink face across from him. Gon was breathless, dizzy, and winded. Killua was laughing with his blue eyes squinted and lips spread in a smile, a collage of flowers in the background. Gon’s heart swelled—

But then something caught Gon's foot. Gon wasn't expecting it, hadn't prepared for it. He tumbled to the ground with a loud shout as he took Killua down with him.

Gon hit the ground and pain ricocheted through his body. Killua landed hard on his chest. The air left Gon’s lungs and he gasped, stars popping out across his vision. For a moment he just lay there, unable to do more than breathe. 

"Ow..." Killua groaned. He struggled to push himself up, cool hands gripping Gon's shoulders to support himself. Whatever air remained in Gon's lungs vanished as Killua lifted his head and hazy blue eyes met Gon's.

Time froze. He didn’t dare to move, too afraid to break this perfect image of Killua in front of him. Killua, who was flushed the prettiest shade of rose, whose blue eyes reflected the hundreds of stars above their heads and the rainbow hues of flowers that surrounded them, who was as captivating now in this moment as he was every time Gon saw him.

Heat washed over Gon and something in his chest tightened. He couldn't breathe. He'd never been this close to Killua's face and it took all his self control not to lean in close, to taste Killua and put an end to his recent daydreaming of Killua’s mouth. 

_How would it feel to kiss Killua?_ Gon wondered as his gaze lowered from Killua’s wide eyes to his lips. Would Killua's mouth be soft and warm? Or would his lips be cool, like his hands? Would Killua’s eyes flutter shut, would he sigh happily? Would he let Gon thread his fingers through silky silver curls and tilt their heads and—?

"S-Sorry!" Killua squeaked and scrambled off Gon. Air rushed back into Gon's lungs, the world moved, and time began to tick again. "I—I didn't mean to, um, to fall on you like that. Uh."

Killua looked away, the tips of his ears tinted red. Disappointment curled in Gon's gut, heavy like led. Why would Killua be sorry? Was he really apologizing for landing on Gon, or was it their physical closeness he regretted? What if he didn’t want to close the distance between them, as Gon longed to do? 

Gon swallowed down his rising doubt and fear. He was overthinking this. Killua hadn’t rejected Gon or anything close to that. There was still a possibility for Killua to reciprocate whatever this strange fluttering feeling was. So Gon wouldn’t despair. He couldn’t. Not when nothing bad had happened in the first place. 

"Killua, you worry too much," Gon said, forcing a smile onto his face. "I'm not hurt or anything."

“...Really? You're okay?"

"I'm fine. If anything, _I'm_ sorry for dragging you down with me."

Killua snorted. "Stupid. I know you didn't mean to. How’d you even fall in the first place?"

"I tripped over a root, sue me," Gon huffed, and there was Killua, _finally_ looking at him, that wonderful smile returning.

"You tripped that time we visited the waterfall, too. Are you always this clumsy?"

"Only around pretty people like you.”

Killua sputtered. Gon grinned as a triumphant feeling rose in his chest. It was nice, seeing Killua be affected by his words. It meant _Gon_ affected him. 

He stretched out, ignoring Killua’s flustering, and shifted on the hard ground until he was comfortable. He patted the space next to him. "C'mon, Killua, lay down with me. The stars are really pretty tonight."

Killua hesitated. Gon didn't push, just waited patiently as his gaze wandered across the night sky. It really _was_ a beautiful night. The stars had always looked nice on Whale Island, but it was different having someone to share the view with. Especially when that someone was a person Gon cared so much about and had brought Gon here to share this moment with him.

There was a sigh. Killua slowly, hesitantly, lowered himself down on the ground besides Gon. He was just close enough for Gon to feel his body heat. Gon resisted the urge to shift even closer.

"You know, you're really weird sometimes, Gon," Killua murmured and Gon laughed.

"That's never stopped you from hanging out with me before."

"Stupid," Killua said, tone fond. "I don't think anything could stop me from hanging out with you."

Gon's cheeks grew warm. "R-Really?"

"Mhm....” 

Gon beamed. There was a breathless, giddy feeling in his chest. Like he could float right off the ground, if he wanted. But he didn’t want to go anywhere. Not when Killua was next to him.

"I feel the same. I like spending time with you too much to let you go that easily anyway, Killua."

Killua let out a long breath and his eyes closed. His voice was barely above a whisper as he admitted, "I don’t _want_ you to let me go that easily..."

Gon's heart gave a little stutter before jumping into his throat. He breathed in deep, slow, trying in vain to calm himself. Moments like these made it easy to see how much _Killua_ affected _him_. Just a few words from Killua could fill Gon's body with tingling warmth or have his heart sinking low into his gut. Just a few words, and Gon's day could spin on its head.

Was it the same for Killua? Gon hoped beyond hope that was the case, but it was hard to tell and even harder to believe.

Because Killua was amazing and breathtaking and fascinating in every possible way. And Gon was just...Gon. But Killua must see _something_ in him to be Gon's friend, and that was what Gon would cling to tonight when there was no one else in the world but him and Killua laying quietly together, the flowers around them bending in the gentle wind, and the stars twinkling in front of their eyes.

**-o0o-**

"Gon..."

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Gon said, lips curled in a small smile. Killua's soft hair tickled his chin with every blow of the breeze and his body was a warm, comforting presence at his side.

Gon couldn’t remember when Killua had inched closer and rested his head on Gon's chest, but he wasn't about to start asking questions. He didn't want to scare Killua away, after all. He was more than happy to lay here in a moonlit meadow, his best friend curled into his side and the heavens stretched out above them.

"I'm curious," came Killua's murmur. "What are you planning to do after the summer is over? Are you gonna leave with Kite?"

All at once, Gon turned cold. The warm happiness pulsing in his chest froze over and his breath caught in his throat.

Gon was content to live in this moment, to not dwell on his limited future with Killua. But Killua had other plans, it seemed.

Gon swallowed. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just curious," Killua repeated. There was no emotion in his voice, just a neutral tone that betrayed nothing. "I'm right though, aren't I? You're leaving."

"Not for another month and a half, at least. We still have the rest of the summer, Killua."

"Hmm." Gon felt Killua let out a long breath. "Do you really think you're gonna find Ging someday?"

"I..." Gon's voice trailed off as he frowned. He only remembered mentioning Ging to Killua that one time, when Killua patched him up after falling. Did he tell Killua anything about his dad besides Ging’s name?

"Gon? You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just—I'm a little confused."

"About what?"

"I don't remember telling you I _wanted_ to find Ging." 

"What?" Killua lifted his head, a hand braced on Gon's chest. "No, you must have. How else would I have known that?"

"I’m not sure." There was a hazy, almost familiar memory forming at the edges of his mind, like he should be remembering something but couldn't. "Maybe I'm just forgetting."

"That has to be it, Gon," Killua agreed. His fingers curled over Gon's heart, fingers cool through the thin fabric of Gon's t-shirt. "I mean, I forget stuff all the time. It's okay not to remember everything."

"I guess." 

Gon could still feel that uncomfortable unease curling in his stomach, though. He would have to think it through in more depth later, when he wasn't so hyper-aware of Killua's hand laying gently over his heart.

Gon cast his gaze upwards to the stars to stop himself from staring at Killua. His cheeks prickled with warmth. "I do want to find Ging, though. I'm not sure how easy it will be, but Kite has a general idea of his location so I have someplace to start at least."

“What are you going to do when you find him?" Killua asked. He began dragging a finger over Gon's shirt, drawing shapeless shapes and leaving a trail of electricity trailing across Gon's chest. Gon shivered at the light touch. 

"I don't know."

Killua looked up. "You—You don't _know?”_

"I haven't thought about it," Gon said truthfully. Killua gaped at him for a long moment before barking out a laugh.

"What?" Gon asked as Killua went back to drawing on Gon's chest. 

"Nothing. It's just—You're a little _weird_ sometimes, Gon."

"You said that before. Is that a bad thing?" 

Killua shrugged. "No. Not really. It's just unexpected, I guess? Why trudge across the planet after someone if you don't even know what you’ll do once you finally track him down? What’s the point?"

Gon frowned. Killua was wrong. He might not know what he’ll say to Ging when they come face-to-face, but he _did_ know why he was so determined to find Ging. He wanted to find out why Ging went away, what was so great about this big wide world for him to leave Gon behind to discover it all. Why did Gon grow up thinking he was abandoned and discarded? Gon had to know, because then maybe all those years of loneliness on Whale Island would have meaning to them.

But Gon wasn't alone now. He had Killua. 

"Well, why stay in one spot for the rest of your life if it doesn't make you happy?" Gon wondered aloud and Killua's finger stilled. Too late, Gon realized how his question sounded. 

"K-Killua," Gon stammered as Killua's expression turned stony. "I didn't mean—"

"I stay in one spot because it makes _other_ people happy, Gon," Killua said coolly and Gon winced. "Some things are more important than your own wants."

"I'm not sure about that," Gon said and Killua scoffed, pushing himself off Gon and facing away. Gon quickly sat up. "No, really! I stayed on Whale Island for _years_ , Killua. I grew up there, went to college online, even worked there months after I graduated. But it didn't make me happy. And it didn't make my family happy to see _me_ unhappy."

Killua had his back turned to Gon. His legs were drawn to his chest, arms wrapped around his shins. It was hard, not seeing Killua's expression. But Gon had noticed Killua did that a lot when he was trying to hide his true feelings, no matter if those feelings were good or bad. What was he hiding now?

"My family is different from your family," Killua said after a long pause. 

Gon dared to lean closer. Kilua's shoulders lifted but Gon didn't let that deter him. "Kite told me about them," he said softly.

"Oh, yeah? And what did Kite say?"

"That bad things happen around them. That everyone thinks they are bad people or they’re involved with bad things." Gon paused at Killua's snort. "Was he wrong?"

"No. Not exactly."

Gon pursed his lips. Okay. So Kite only knew half the truth of Killua's family, then. 

"Are _you_ involved in bad things?" Gon asked and Killua finally turned to look at him. All at once, the breath left Gon's lungs. Killua's eyes were captivating, enchanting. Blue and piercing and curved elegantly at the corners. Gon couldn't look away even if he wanted to.

"What do you think?" Killua whispered.

"I don't think you could ever be bad," Gon breathed and something flickered in Killua's eyes, an emotion too quick for Gon to identify. "You're...You're _Killua_. I know you. You're too good to have done anything bad."

Killua's face scrunched up. "You’ve only known me one summer, Gon. That’s not enough time for you to make a statement like that."

"That doesn't matter!" Gon said. He dared to take Killua's hand, holding on tight when Killua stiffened. "Really, Killua. It doesn't matter. You're my best friend because of who you are now, not because of whatever you were like before we met. The Killua I know is selfless. He sacrifices his freedom to save his sister. He takes me exploring and patches me up when I fall. _That's_ who you are, Killua. You're not your family—you’re _you_."

Killua stared. He stared and stared and stared. Seconds ticked on, the breeze ruffled their hair, and Killua stayed still as a statue. He was even prettier than a statue, in Gon's opinion, because Killua was living and breathing at Gon's side. He wasn't one of Gon's imaginary friends from his childhood. He was real and he was Gon’s best friend. And Gon knew even if he lived a hundred years he would still love Killua with every step he took.

Gon sucked in a shuddering breath, realization settling in his bones. Because _oh._ Of course. It all made sense now. 

All these warm feelings and gentle fondness and rampant butterflies bouncing around in his chest—they were love. But not the kind of familial or platonic love Gon had for Aunt Mito or even Kite. This was an addicting, maddening, all-consuming love that left Gon aching to see Killua's smile or hear his laughter just minutes after they'd said goodbye. 

Gon was _in love_ with Killua. That’s why he wasn’t satisfied with their relationship as it was. That was why he wanted, yearned, _dreamed_ for more. 

Killua let out a broken laugh, pulling Gon out of his stupor. Gon blinked as Killua used his free hand to scrub at his too-bright eyes.

"You're so stupid," Killua muttered and Gon's heart clenched. "You barely know me."

"It doesn't matter," Gon repeated automatically. It should matter, he knew. But Gon never exactly had a normal moral compass and he wasn't about to get one now.

Killua gave Gon a crooked smile. His eyes were a little red and his cheeks were flushed that pretty shade of pink Gon adored so much. His expression held nothing but an overwhelming, gentle affection, a feeling Gon's heart echoed with every beat.

"You're a good friend, Gon,” Killua said softly. “I'm really going to miss you."

Gon's breath lodged in his throat. It was in that moment he realized—nothing had changed. Gon loved Killua, yes, but he was still leaving at the end of the summer. He was going to find Ging because that was what he had set out to do and he wasn't planning on ever giving up. And Killua would stay here, all on his own, because he refused to run away again if it meant putting his sister at risk. Gon knew that without even asking. 

Which meant come summer's end, Gon and Killua would go their separate ways. And they might never see each other again.

A sharp pang cracked Gon's heart in two. Killua was still giving him that too-soft smile, and Gon's heart still burned to know what it tasted like. But now he also ached because...

Because Gon had finally found a companion to call his own. And he couldn't keep him.

**-o0o-**

Gon woke to the fresh scent flowers and dirt.

He breathed in deep. He had always loved the smell of nature, the sound of birds and rustling of leaves in his ears. It was comforting being surrounded by the wilderness. It felt like _home._

Gon inhaled again, letting his chest expand like a balloon. There was a strange but warm pressure on his torso over his heart. Something about that weight was familiar, like a dream that disappeared the longer Gon tried to remember the details. _Why_ was there something on his chest?

Slowly, Gon cracked open his eyes. Gone were the stars from the night before. Instead a pale blue was creeping across the sky as morning grew closer by the minute. What time was it?

It couldn’t be too late if he could still spot the faded outline of the moon hovering just above the tree line. 

There was a quiet sigh. Gon lowered his gaze to the silver mess of curls resting on his chest and the pale arm draped over his waist.

All at once, memories from the night before rushed back to him. Killua—the meadow—chasing after each other—laughing and falling—wide blue eyes staring back at him and flushed cheeks— _Killua_ —

Gon's own cheeks burned. His heart began to pound, heat washing over his body in a wave. Because Killua was _laying on top of him._ Gon could feel the entire length of his body pressed against his own. 

Had Killua slept on him the whole night? The thought caused a dizzying rush of pleasure through him. Is this how people normally reacted around their crush? Gon didn't know. He'd never even had a friend his age before meeting Killua.

Another sigh. Killua turned his head in his sleep, nuzzling into Gon while his arm squeezed Gon’s side. Gon's heart nearly burst out of his chest. He was afraid to breathe in fear of waking Killua and breaking this unbearably soft moment. He didn't want Killua to shy away from him, to take back this casual but wonderful physical touch between the two of them. Killua always grew so embarrassed at the smallest show of affection. How would he react, finding himself wrapped around Gon like this?

Gon didn't have to wait long to find out. Killua was stirring again and this time he seemed to be actually waking up. Gon held his breath as Killua's head lifted. Blue eyes blinked slowly at Gon once, then twice.

"Hi?" Gon said hesitantly, quietly, and just like that—the spell was broken.

Killua gasped. He shoved himself off and Gon wheezed at the sudden use of force. Killua was too busy scrambling away to notice, panic and horror clear on his face.

"Gon—I—I—" Killua's cheeks were quickly darkening to that all-too-familiar shade of red, "I'm _so_ sorry, I—"

"Don't be!" Gon cut him off. He rubbed his chest where Killua had shoved him, wincing. "Please, Killua. You didn't do anything wrong."

"...right. Uh." Killua put his hands in his lap and stared down at the dirt. Gon could see him biting his bottom lip even in the dim light of dawn. "I didn't mean to—to...you know—"

"I know! _Really_ , Killua, you don't have to be sorry. I'm fine."

He smiled, trying to reassure his friend even as his heart ached. A part of him couldn't help but hope maybe Killua _wanted_ that closeness between the two of them. Sleeping with each other—and _on_ each other—was a form of innocent intimacy. It was a show of trust. And Gon didn't regret it. Not for a single second.

He just hoped this was Killua's normal self-consciousness doing the talking, and not his actual regret at waking up in Gon's arms.

Killua coughed awkwardly. "R-Right," he said again and breathed in deep. "'Course you are. I just...uh..."

Killua's voice trailed off. His eyes had grown large once more, head lifted to the sky. The early morning light reflected in his irises as the blood drained from his cheeks. 

Gon frowned. "Killua? What are you—" He looked over his shoulder, but he didn't see anything that would cause Killua alarm. The moon was half obscured by the horizon now and sunlight was just starting to appear on the tips of the trees surrounding the meadow. Dawn was fast approaching. 

"Gon," Killua said, voice hoarse. "What—What time is it?"

"Um." Gon checked his phone. "It looks like it's almost seven—”

_“Shit."_

Gon looked up. Killua was scrambling to stand, a half-wild look in his blue eyes. The terror in his face was enough to make Gon go cold. He'd never seen Killua look like that before.

"Killua?" Gon rushed to his feet but Killua had already turned on his heel and was walking quickly towards the edge of the forest. Gon hurried to follow, questions forming in his mouth.

"Killua—Killua, _wait_ , slow down, I can't keep up—"

Killua whirled around. "Don't," he snapped, hands curled into fists, and Gon stopped short. "Don't follow me, Gon. Go back to the beach."

"What? Why? Aren't you going back to the beach, too?"

Killua shook his head. "I'm going to my family's mansion."

"Okay.” Gon still didn't see what Killua's problem was. "Then I'll walk you back—"

_"No."_

Gon stumbled back. Killua had shoved Gon away. The rejection stung like a slap to the face and for a moment all he could do was stare, his heart cracking in his chest.

Killua sucked in a shaking breath. The realization of what he had done seemed to surprise and horrify himself. He stepped forward, hand reaching out. "Gon, I—I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—to—"

A part of Gon wanted to push Killua away, to reject Killua as Killua had rejected him. But then Gon met Killua’s frightened eyes and that desire crumbled to dust. 

Killua was afraid. Gon didn’t know why, but he was. He had pushed Gon away because of fear and that alone. He didn’t actually want to hurt Gon. 

So Gon took Killua's outstretched hand and squeezed tightly. "It's okay," he said and was thankful at the steadiness of his voice. "It's okay, Killua. I know you didn't mean it."

"I swear I didn’t, Gon. I’m just—” Killua breathed in deep and his fingers trembled in Gon’s, “—I’m late for something. I have to go. Now.”

"Let me come with you," Gon pleaded and Killua hesitated. "Please. I just...I want to stay by your side a little longer. Is that really so bad?"

"It's not _bad,_ Gon. How could it be? I—I want to stay with you, too."

Gon's heart swelled. "Really?"

"Of course. We're best friends, aren't we?"

Gon grinned. It might not be a romantic confirmation, but the words were all Gon needed to walk on clouds. "Yeah. We are."

“But you still can't come with me."

And just like that, Gon's joy came crashing down like a sack of bricks.

"Why not?" he demanded and Killua looked off to the side, brow puckering.

"Because. You just can't."

"That doesn't _mean_ anything, Killua. Why won't you let me come with you? I can at least walk you back to the mansion."

Killua stayed silent, glaring at the flowers, and Gon stared at him. He didn't understand what was going on. He trusted that Killua enjoyed Gon’s company, that he didn't mean to push him away. But then why was he trying so hard to distance himself from Gon after spending an entire night together? 

There was definitely something wrong. Gon hadn't imagined how Killua tried running away as soon as he woke up. And it wasn’t because he was embarrassed or flustered. Instead Killua looked pale, a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. 

Killua was terrified, desperate to do something, or else face the consequences. Gon was sure of it. But what exactly was he running away from?

"Killua," Gon began. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

Killua's lips went thin. "Nothing is wrong."

"Yes, there is. Why do you want to leave so badly? Why are you so upset? I've never seen you act like this before."

Killua didn't say anything. The alarm bells going off in Gon’s head rang louder.

"Killua— _please."_ Gon took a step closer, bringing Killua's hands up to his chest. To his heart. "I care about you _so much._ If you're in trouble or if you need help or—or _anything_ , I'll—"

"I'm not in trouble," Killua said quickly. Some of the color was returning to his cheeks, sending a rush of relief through Gon. But still Killua refused to look Gon in the eye. "Really. Everything is fine, I just—I _really_ have to go."

Gon frowned. "Without me."

"Yes." Killua took a step back, sliding his hand out of Gon’s. "Without you."

"What if I don't want to let you go?" Gon dared to take a step forward, to follow Killua, and Killua's brows furrowed. 

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't want you to leave," Gon said simply. And it was simple, right? He didn't want to say goodbye just yet. And it didn't sound like Killua wanted to, either. He was just saying Gon couldn't come along. "You can try to leave me behind, but I'll just follow you."

Killua scowled, blue eyes flashing. "No. You won't."

"Why not? You said so yourself. Everything is fine. So if everything is fine, I should be able to come with you."

"It's fine for _me_. Not for you."

Gon growled, "That doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't have to! This is my life and there are going to be things you don't understand because there are some things you _can't_ _know about_. Okay? You have to let me go.”

"I don't have to do anything!" Gon shouted and threw his hands into the air. More sunlight continued to filter into the meadow as the minutes passed. The distant morning rays illuminated Killua's narrowed eyes, highlighting their color and making them even more breathtaking than at night. A thought occurred to Gon. Would this be the first time he saw Killua in the sunlight? 

But—no. Gon couldn’t afford to be distracted right now.

Gon shook his head and pointed a finger at Killua. “I don’t have to let you go, _you’re_ just saying that.”

 _"_ Yes.” Killua slapped the finger away with a snarl. “You do. Just for once listen to me, Gon.”

“Why would I do that? What happened to ‘I don’t want you to let me go that easily’?”

Killua instantly flushed. “That’s—This is _not_ the same thing, Gon.”

“Oh, yeah? Because it sure sounds like it to me.”

 _“But it’s not._ I’m not vanishing into the woods for you never to see me again! I just need to stay here and not follow me.”

"Like hell I’m going to leave you when you’re this afraid—"

"You promised!" Killua burst out and Gon stiffened. "You _promised._ Remember? You won't put yourself in unnecessary danger for me. And I'm holding you to that. You can’t follow me, Gon."

Gon bit down on his tongue until he tasted iron. Fury and frustration rolled through him like an earthquake. He didn't know what to do. Because Killua was right—he had promised. But what danger could he possibly get in by following Killua back to his mansion?

"...is it really that risky?" Gon asked quietly and Killua clenched his jaw.

"It's not for me. I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth. I'll be fine. You, though..."

Gon stared at Killua, long and hard, and Killua glared right back. It wasn't hard for Gon to see the desperation shining in Killua's eyes. Killua really believed in every word he was saying. He wanted to keep Gon safe, and Gon...

Gon just wanted to stay by his side, to soak up his friend's brilliance a little while longer. Why was that such a bad thing?

"I have to go," Killua said and took another step back. Every part of Gon ached to follow him, but he curled his hands into fists and forced himself to stay where he was. He’d promised, after all. 

"I'm sorry," Killua added, lips twisted in remorse. "Really. I am. But I'll be back tomorrow. I promise."

"Do you pinky promise?"

Killua paused, blinking. "What?"

"Do you pinky promise?" Gon repeated and held up his finger. Killua gave it an exasperated look. 

“You really are a kid, aren’t you?”

Gon huffed. “Just promise, Killua! You have to leave soon, right?”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Killua interlocked their pinkies. “I _pinky promise_ to be back tomorrow.”

“And you have to tell me why you had to rush off so quickly.”

Killua made a pained expression. “Gon…”

“If you don’t explain it to me I’ll just keep bugging you about it anyway,” Gon pointed out and Killua’s frown deepened. “I know you probably can’t tell me everything because it’s dangerous or whatever but I’d like to know what you _can_ tell me. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Killua sighed. “Fine. I promise to tell you what I can _tomorrow_. There, satisfied?”

“Just one more thing.”

“What is it now? I’m almost out of time.” Killua glanced quickly towards the sky. It was the perfect opportunity, better than Gon could ask for, and yet his heart still leaped into his throat.

But he wasn’t going to let this moment pass him by. So Gon pulled Killua close by their interlocked pinkies, shut his eyes, and pressed his lips to Killua’s cheek. 

The kiss lasted all of two seconds. Gon was pulling away before Killua had the chance to react. So when he lowered his gaze to gape at Gon, Gon was already smiling back at him. 

“There. Sealed with a kiss.” Gon let go of Killua’s pinky. “It’s something me and my mom do. If there’s no kiss, the promise doesn’t count.”

Killua was still staring at him, his blue eyes wide and shimmering with an emotion Gon couldn’t name. There was a dusting of pink across his cheeks. “You…”

Gon’s stomach was a bundle of nerves. “Yeah?”

“...how many people have you kissed because of a pinky promise?”

Gon sputtered and, just like that, the tightness in his gut vanished. “Wha—not a lot! Killua!” He pouted as Killua broke into a fit of giggles. “What are you trying to say?” 

Killua was too busy laughing to respond. He raised a hand to cover his grin while the other clutched his side. His face was flushed and he seemed to glow in the dim light of the morning sun.

He looked beautiful in the most natural, perfect way. For a moment, Gon forgot to breathe.

“Y-You’re too funny, Gon,” Killua gasped. He wiped the corner of his eyes, still grinning. “I was just teasing you.”

“I was being serious, though! I’ve only ever kissed Aunt Mito on the cheek. I’ve never had a friend to pinky swear with before. So _technically_ you’re my first kiss, Killua.”

Killua’s smile froze, the last trace of his laughter cut short. “Wh-What?”

All at once Gon realized what he’d said.

“I, um…” He struggled to come up with something to say as Killua stared at him. His skin prickled uncomfortably with embarrassment and he resisted the urge to squirm under Killua’s gaze. “Nothing! Forget I said anything. A-Anyway, don’t you have somewhere to go?”

Killua jumped, glancing at the sky again. “Shit. I do. So, uh, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night then?”

“You mean tonight?”

“What? Oh—yeah. I guess.”

Killua frowned and Gon laughed. “I’ll see you tonight, Ki-llu-a,” he said, his voice turning soft and tender in a way that was only reserved for his friend, and Killua gave him a small but gentle smile in return. 

“See you later, Gon.”

Then Killua quickly turned and left. Gon watched him go like always, his gaze trained on Killua’s silver hair until he disappeared behind the trees. 

Gon sunk to his knees. He fell back into the flowers with a quiet sigh, arms spread out like an eagle’s wings. Even though Killua had still left without him, he couldn't help the giddy joy that spread through his chest and pulsed in time with his heartbeat. He was warm all over and his cheeks ached as grinned up at the blue sky. 

It should be silly, to get this happy over a simple kiss on the cheek. He’d given Aunt Mito plenty of cheek kisses back home and he’d never felt anything close to the way he was feeling right now. He’d never been this elated, this breathless, this _awestruck_ before.

But this kiss hadn't been with Aunt Mito, his mom, someone he'd known and loved unconditionally his whole life. This kiss had been with _Killua_ , who was beautiful and smart and made Gon laugh so hard his side hurt for hours. Killua, who Gon had fallen in love with despite all his secrets.

Gon closed his eyes, breathed in deep until his lungs were filled with the sweet flowery air. He felt like he was on the moon. Because he’d kissed Killua. And next time…

...and next time maybe Gon would work up the courage to give Killua a proper kiss, instead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/24/2021
> 
> Sooo the ending of this chapter is a little different than how it originally was? Originally Killua was supposed to give Gon a second kiss on the cheek to 'seal the promise both ways' sort of thing but I believed that would be too similar to the birthday chapter so I changed it. I hope it still reads okay!
> 
> And even though Killua doesn't give Gon a kiss on the cheek, there is still a good amount of development this chapter :3 there's some cuddling in a flower field, a sleepover, chasing and catching, realization of feelings..........and Killua did a little slip up again with Ging lol. Gon's just too dang charming for him to remember what Gon told him when!!!
> 
> Gon and Killua also had a little argument but I actually really enjoy writing them fighting. They see each other as equals so they don't hold anything back and they're not afraid to stand up for what they believe in. And no relationship is perfect, especially since Killua is still hiding things from Gon. So this won't be the last time they go head to head but like I said I enjoy writing that sort of thing lol
> 
> See you all next week! Thank you to my friend xyliane for beta'ing as always <3
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	10. discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon spent the hours sulking and thinking. He thought while he worked for Kite, as they prepared dinner, when the lights were shut off and Gon had nothing to do but stare at the ceiling and listen to the minutes tick by on his clock. 
> 
> Killua’s family. Ging. The daytime. They were all somehow connected to the center of Killua’s secrets. To his fear. They shared some kind of common denominator. And once Gon found out what that thing was, he would finally understand the full picture of Killua Zoldyck.

_BOOM!_

Gon sat up straight, breath stalling his lungs. He thought he'd just heard...

He swallowed thickly. Killua the swan nipped his empty fingers, searching for any extra crumbs of bread he'd already eaten, but Gon paid him no mind. He was too busy scanning the grey skies, searching for something he really, _really_ hoped wasn't what he thought it was.

But Gon's hopes were in vain. Because within the next second, a distant bolt of lighting forked the sky in half. And a minute later, a second _BOOM!_ rolled across the earth.

Gon swore loudly and the swan squawked. The bird flapped his wings angrily, waves forming under the rough movements. Gon threw up his arms to shield himself as water droplets hit his face and hands. The boat rocked and swayed. Gon waited for the water to calm again before lowering his hands.

"I'm sorry," Gon said with a frustrated sigh and Killua made a chattering sound. “I didn't mean to shout. I'm just..."

Gon scowled. "I'm mad. I'm really, really mad. Did you see the lightning?" Gon pointed with his finger and the bird cocked his head. "Did you hear the thunder? Do you know what it means? It means I can't visit Killua tonight, because it's going to rain."

The words were sour in his mouth. He _hated_ this. It was the second time this week he wouldn't be able to visit Killua. The first night had been at Killua’s request and today it was the rain. What was going to happen tomorrow—another rainstorm? An earthquake? What else was going to keep him from Killua? 

Gon looked back at the swan. The bird was still in the water, not a single feather moving.

"I could visit him anyway like I did last time," he mused and the swan's eyes narrowed. "But you really came after me when I did that. I’ve still got the scars on my palms to prove it! Would you attack me again if I visited tonight?"

The bird let out a chirp that sounded strangely like a ‘yes’. Gon grinned, following the swan’s path as he began to swim gracefully around the boat. Killua the swan had been a constant, friendly companion to Gon these past few months besides that one incident during the last rainstorm. He let Gon take all the measurements he needed, ate all the food Gon offered him, even sometimes accompanied Gon on his trip back to the dock. Kite hadn't bothered visiting the swan in weeks, claiming Gon was his favorite, now.

But that made his territorial action that one night all the more strange. What had Gon done to set him off? Was it the rain? It couldn’t have been the time of day. Gon had seen the swan once before at night and he hadn’t even bothered approached Gon then. 

Whatever the reason for the swan’s behavior, Gon wouldn’t be seeing him tonight. Gon had made a promise not to put himself in unnecessary danger, as Killua so insistently reminded him just this morning. So he would resist the urge to visit the lake despite every bone in his body aching to go. 

Gon once more looked to the gray sky. There was a faint scent of rain in the breeze rolling over the lake. Thunder rumbled in the distance again, as if mocking him, and Gon let out a heavy sigh. 

The rest of the day was going to suck.

**-o0o-**

Gon's bad mood carried him throughout the afternoon and into the early evening. Whatever afterglow that remained from last night’s visit with Killua had quickly worn off with the disappointment of the change in weather and Gon’s focus suffered because of it. The pitter-patter of rain on the roof and the sheen of water on the glass by one o'clock only helped to distract him more. 

Gon glared down at the latest research paper Kite had asked him to take notes on. _It wasn't fair,_ he repeated to himself. If Killua hadn't run away this morning, they could have spent another hour together before Gon had to leave for work. They could have gotten breakfast together or watched the sunrise. Maybe Killua would have huddled into his side for warmth on the walk back to the lake’s gate. Maybe they could have linked arms or even held hands. But _nooo_ —Killua's family had to go and ruin things.

Gon didn't know anything about the Zoldycks beyond Kite's fear of them. It was a fear Killua obviously shared, though for a possibly different reason. Gon respected his mentor and trusted his friend. If they were both scared of the other Zoldycks, there had to be a good reason for it. But from what Gon could tell Killua's family rarely visited the lake. Why was Killua terrified of them when they were so far away? 

It didn’t make sense. Something about Killua’s situation was off. Some important detail was missing, like an empty space in a puzzle. And Gon had a feeling once he figured out what that missing factor was, everything else would fall into place.

But for now Gon was stumped. He couldn’t understand what had agitated Killua so much beyond vague assumptions like his family and the daytime. Because Killua refused to visit Gon during the day and Gon didn't believe it was only because of 'business stuff'. 

And there was something else. Killua seemed to know an awful lot about Ging.

"Kite," Gon said suddenly, staring unseeingly at the research paper. "Have you ever mentioned Ging to Killua?"

"Ging?"

"Yeah. Ging. Killua keeps mentioning him, but I don't..." Gon tightened his grip on his pen. "I don't remember talking about him that much. And Killua seems to know things I _didn't_ tell him."

There was the sound of wheels on the tiled floor. Goon looked up. Kite had pushed himself to the middle of the desk to better see Gon and was removing his glasses. There was a frown on his lips, a furrow in his brow.

"Which Killua are you talking about?"

Gon blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You have Killua Zoldyck, your friend. But you also have Killua, the swan. Which one did you tell about Ging?"

"I—I told both of them about Ging.” Because he had, hadn’t he? He’d ranted to the swan about Ging’s absence being the motivator to leave Whale Island and he’d shown Killua the picture of Ging he found in Aunt Mito’s closet. “But just now I was talking about Killua, my friend. Did you ever tell him about Ging?"

"Oh." Kite put back on his glasses and wheeled over to his monitor again. "I might have, in passing."

"Would you have mentioned I was his son?”

"I'm not sure," Kite admitted. "Killua and I talked very rarely before your arrival. Prior to the festival, I hadn't seen him in a few years. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful."

"That's okay." He gave Kite his best smile. "Thank you, Kite."

Kite nodded. His eyes were already darting back and forth across the computer screen, focusing on something Gon couldn’t see. Gon tried following his example and began rereading the research paper from the top. But he soon spaced out again as his mind raced. 

According to Kite, it was unlikely Killua learned about Ging from him. But none of the locals had ever met Ging and Killua didn't seem to venture into town much, anyway.

So that meant...

Gon pursed his lips. Then, the only person Killua could have heard about Ging _was_ from Gon himself. Maybe Gon really did forget talking to Killua about Ging? 

But that didn't sound right! Gon didn’t mention Ging too often and when he did, the conversations were usually pretty memorable. Ging wasn’t exactly a normal family member, after all. And yet, the only time Gon could remember talking about Ging since arriving here was during his musings to Killua the swan. 

Gon groaned and dropped his head to the table. He wasn't getting anywhere by overthinking this. Despite however unlikely the other possibilities were, there was absolutely no way a swan could have talked to Killua Zoldyck about Ging. The swan was smart, but he wasn't _that_ smart.

There had to be another explanation. Gon refused to give up until he figured it out. At the very least, he could ask Killua about Ging tomorrow.

**-o0o-**

Day ran into night and then morning dawned once more. But the new day didn’t bring sunshine and blue skies, like Gon hoped. Instead another dose of consistent, but lighter, rainfall plagued the lake and surrounding mountains. 

So again Gon spent the hours sulking and thinking. He thought while he worked for Kite, as they prepared dinner, when the lights were shut off and Gon had nothing to do but stare at the ceiling and listen to the rain hitting against his window. 

Killua’s family. Ging. The daytime. They were all somehow connected to the center of Killua’s secrets. To his fear. They shared some kind of common denominator. And once Gon found out what that thing was, he would finally understand the full picture of Killua Zoldyck. 

**-o0o-**

"Gon?"

Gon looked up at the sound of his name. Kite was standing in the hallway, a bag over his shoulder and an expectant look in his eye.

Kite jerked his head towards the front door. "Let's head home, you worked enough for the day."

Gon smiled. "Thanks, Kite. I think I'm going to stay back, though.”

“Why? You’ve never stayed late before. If it’s about the report, you can finish it tomorrow.”

“Oh, it’s not that! I wanna wait here for Killua since...you know..."

Kite studied him. "Since the rain stopped you from seeing him the last few days?"

"Yeah. I just don't want to waste a minute. I'd rather already be here when Killua shows up so I can be with him right away."

Kite continued to stare at him. Gon didn't know what he was searching for, so he just blinked innocently and resisted the urge to squirm in his seat. Kite had a way of looking right through him, sometimes. It wasn't bad, but it was a little...unnerving.

"Alright," Kite said at last and Gon breathed again. "Don't stay here too long if he doesn't show, okay?"

"He will," Gon said, without an ounce of hesitance. "Killua always shows. I trust him."

"As long as you're sure—"

"I am."

"Then would you like me to bring you back any dinner?"

Gon shook his head. "I packed extra food with my lunch today."

Kite frowned. "You really thought all this through."

"Heh, well..." Gon let his voice trail off. He didn't want to tell Kite he'd hardly gotten any sleep last night, staying up until the early hours thinking about Killua, but Kite probably knew that already. Kite saw everything—he probably knew Gon was sneaking out to see Killua way before the festival but chose not to say anything. 

Kite sighed. "Okay. I can see you got this under control. Just _please_ don't sleep out in the woods again or I really will have to call your mother."

Gon grinned. The night Gon slept with Killua in the meadow was still a bit of a sore spot for Kite. When he’d woken up that morning and realized Gon hadn't returned home, he nearly dialed Aunt Mito’s number in his panic. He hadn't, thankfully, but there had been a phone in his hand when Gon stumbled through the front door. Kite’s concern was touching, though the threat of getting a scolding from Aunt Mito was enough to turn Gon pale.

"I won't," Gon said. "I promise. That was an accident."

"I'll hold you to that." Kite took a step back, adjusting the strap on his shoulder. "Goodnight, Gon. I hope you enjoy your date."

Heat rushed to Gon's cheeks. "It's—we—we're not like that," he protested weakly and Kite smiled.

"Of course. See you tomorrow, Gon."

"See you..."

Gon waited until Kite left before sucking a deep breath and leaning back in his chair. He ran a hand through his hair, heart beating just a little too fast to be normal, and shut his eyes. Every time Kite mentioned Gon and Killua dating, Gon couldn't help but picture how Killua might react if Gon confessed his feelings. Would he be excited, overjoyed? Would he be confused, unsure? Gon didn't want a rejection but he didn't know how long he could keep these feelings hidden. 

Because Gon wasn't exactly good at keeping secrets. He wanted to blurt out how much he cared about Killua from the rooftops and shout it to the stars and tell all the fishes under the sea. He felt too much to keep it all in.

So tonight...maybe if Killua confessed his secrets to Gon, Gon could confess something to Killua in return.

**-o0o-**

It was late into the night when Gon finally saw movement outside the window.

Hours had passed since Kite’s departure. Gon had finished his report, ate dinner, read some more research papers Kite thought he might find interesting. Once it got dark, he'd propped himself up on the window ledge and watched the beach for the familiar sight of silver hair and blue eyes.

But when a movement in the distance caught his eye, it wasn't what he'd been expecting or who he had been waiting for this entire time.

Gon lowered his book. The lake was still, barely a flicker of movement on the calm water except for a few ripples. And the source of the ripples was none other than Killua the swan.

Frowning, Gon watched as the bird swam into the lake’s shallows. This was only the third time he had seen the swan at night—the first time had been when Killua was busy with one of his ‘family things’, the second time was that storm a few weeks ago. Why was he out on the lake tonight? 

The bird stilled, craning his head towards the sky. Gon followed the swan’s gaze. Maybe he was just imagining things, but it almost looked as if the swan was staring at the moon. 

But that would be weird. Right? Swans weren’t known to enjoy stargazing. He didn't even think swans were usually awake at night but it wasn't like Killua the swan was an entirely normal bird. There was a reason Kite wanted to keep an eye on him, after all—

A light flashed out of the corner of Gon's vision. He quickly looked back to the swan, only to have the air stolen from his lungs.

Because—Because Killua was _glowing_. Or, the water under him was. A small, circular puddle of silver light illuminated the bird from underneath in a mockery of the moon. The glowing water began to move, shifting and flowing and starting to rise around the bird in graceful swoops.

_Thud._

Gon's book hit the floor before Gon realized it had slipped from his fingers. His jaw hung open, eyes wide. He'd never seen _anything_ like this before. It was incredible, awesome, impossible to believe. How was the water moving of its own accord? It almost looked like...like magic.

But magic didn't exist. Was he dreaming? No, he couldn't be. He’d been so excited to see Killua, there was no way he could have fallen asleep. 

The water arced high into the air above swan-Killua, blocking him from Gon's view and covering him in a swirling vortex. Gon was on his feet and sprinting in the next second. He threw open the back door and stumbled onto the porch. He gripped the wooden railing, heart thumping as he gaped at the silver-stained miracle happening in front of him. 

And just as quickly as it started, it was over. The silver-glow shining from inside the water began to dim, the water began to fall instead of rise. It landed back in the lake from which it rose with a gentle splash. Waves rippled across the lake. And the swan was gone.

Instead, standing knee-deep in the lake water, was Killua Zoldyck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/31/2021
> 
> So this is a shorter chapter...but I imagine you can figure out why XDDD Next chapter will be longer I believe - Gon and Killua have a lot to discuss after all~~~
> 
> The original title of this chapter was supposed to be 'reveal' but I thought that was a little too obvious in telling what happens. 'Discovery' is at least slightly more mysterious haha. I'm sorry for putting this out later than usual, I started showing 'It's Okay Not To Be Okay' on Netflix to my sister and I was glued to the screen. If you haven't checked it out you definitely should!!! 
> 
> Thank you to my friend xyliane for beta'ing this fic as alwayssss. ALSO I wanted to give a big shout out to cafeaulater on tumblr for drawing a wonderful and amazing piece of fanart for this fic, please [click here](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/post/641796220684238848/hi-ive-been-reading-swan-feathers-each-week-and) to give it the love and attention it deserves!!!!
> 
> See you all next week for some big developments between Gon and Killua :3c
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	11. confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You just saw me transform into a swan and you think—" Killua threw his head back with a laugh but it sounded wrong. It sounded unhappy, forced, a tinge of hysteria coloring the edges. "C'mon, Gon. You're smarter than that. Do you really think I'd be this adamant about not telling you anything if it was safe?"
> 
> "You haven't told me anything, yet!" 
> 
> "Exactly," Killua retorted and Gon clenched his jaw. "I haven't. Why do you think that is?"
> 
> "Your family is making you. Your brother, specifically."
> 
> Killua's shoulders raised, the color draining from his face. "Don't mention him."
> 
> "Why not? He comes to check up on you, right? Or can you not tell me about that, either?"
> 
> "Gon, _shut up."_

Gon stared.

There wasn't much else he _could_ do, as dumbstruck as he was. He didn't know what kind of expression he was making or how he was still standing. He was numb from head to toe. He wasn't even sure he was breathing.

What just happened? Why did the water do that, where was the swan, how did Killua—Gon's friend, a human—appear in his place?

Did the swan transform into Killua? Was that possible? Was _any_ of this possible?

Killua was still standing in the shallows of the lake. He took a deep breath before opening his blue eyes—Gon's heart skipped a beat—and looking down at his hands. He flexed and wiggled his fingers, as if they were stiff from use. And they probably were if Killua had really been a swan for...for who knew how long.

Gon watched, still frozen in awe, as Killua stretched his arms over his head. His shirt rode up a little but Killua didn’t pay it any mind. He just continued to stretch as he walked out of the lake, giving his legs a little shake to get rid of the water dripping down his legs and into his shoes.

Killua didn’t know Gon was here. Killua hadn’t seen him yet.

Okay. Gon loosened his grip on the wooden railing and squared his shoulders. He was still in shock—how could he not be?—but he now had a very good idea why Killua kept so many secrets. All he needed was the confirmation from Killua himself.

Cupping his hands around his mouth, Gon shouted, "Killua!"

Killua stiffened. He whirled around, his gaze landing on Gon. The blood drained from Killua's face and Gon’s stomach tightened with worry. Maybe he shouldn’t have called out Killua’s name like that. Killua looked like he was ready to faint. 

As he watched, Killua stumbled backwards, swaying suddenly, and Gon’s worry turned into genuine fear. He straightened and his muscles tensed. Was Killua going to fall? Gon wouldn’t let that happen, if he ran he could reach Killua before—

But Killua didn’t fall. Instead he took another step, then another. His eyes were wide with the same kind of naked fear Gon had seen that morning in the meadow. Gon’s heart sunk low and dread twisted his stomach into knots. He had a bad feeling about this.

And then Killua was turning his back to Gon and walking quickly away. Gon sucked in a sharp breath as realization dawned on him. _No._

"No—Killua!"

Gon launched himself over the wooden railing, landing hard on the sand. He raced across the beach as blood roared in his ears. Killua began to pick up speed and Gon opened his mouth to shout.

 _"Killua_ , stop—!"

But Killua wasn't stopping. He was flying towards the forest, not slowing at Gon’s voice or even looking over his shoulder. He was running like his life depended on it.

Gon gritted his teeth and pushed himself to sprint faster and faster. If Killua reached the first tree, it was all over. He knew the woods better than Gon, could vanish into the shadows never to be seen again. And then he would never know what Gon was planning to say or do in the face of this new revelation.

Gon had to get to Killua before Killua got to the forest. There was no other option.

So Gon ran. He ran as fast as he could, as hard as he could. The taste of iron rose in his mouth and his heartbeat was thudding in his ears. His vision narrowed to silver hair and pale skin, a moonbeam on land—

And Gon jumped forward those last few inches, his fingers enclosing around Killua's wrist just as they reached the edge of the trees.

"Hnng!" Killua made a surprised sound in the back of his throat as Gon yanked him backwards. "No—Gon! Let _go!"_

"No!" Gon dug his heels into the sand, keeping an iron grip on Killua's hand. "I won't! I won't let you leave, Killua!"

"You idiot!" Killua shook his head. His whole body trembled with the effort of fighting against Gon's strength. "You have to! I have to go—I have to—"

"You don't have to go anywhere!" Gon cried, eyes stinging. Killua couldn’t leave. He just _couldn’t_. "Please, Killua, don't leave! I just—I want to understand, I won't hurt you—"

"You can't! You can't understand, if you did you—you would be—"

Killua's voice was quivering now. Gon could feel his resistance starting to weaken, his energy fading to leave behind something raw, something emotional and desperate. 

He turned to look over his shoulder and Gon was shocked to see those blue eyes glistening. 

"Please, Gon," Killua begged. "Y-You...You _have_ to let me go. You've seen too much. This is the only way I can protect you."

Something hot and ugly flickered to life in Gon’s chest. Killua wanted to _protect_ him? From what—from who? Who could terrify Killua this much to make him leave Gon behind forever?

"Your family is the one making you say this," Gon said, voice trembling, and Killua stilled. "Aren't they? They're threatening you, somehow."

Killua was shaking his head. "No, that's not—"

"Don't lie, Killua!" Gon snapped and Killua sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm so _tired_ of you lying all the time, and—and running off, and keeping secrets. Aren't you tired of it all, too? Don't you want someone to share all of it with?"

"All of _what_ with?"

"Life!" Gon gestured wildly to the lake and the world around them. "You've been alone for ages, Killua. You said so yourself, you don't have friends and you hate your family—"

"I don't _hate_ them."

"Okay, fine, you don't _like_ them, then! I don't care about specifics! But they hurt you and they keep you here and—and it's because of what I saw. Isn’t it? Because you can...can..."

Killua finally turned to face him. He was pale as a ghost, his white skin illuminated in a glow under the moonlight. He looked too beautiful to be real. 

And just like that, Gon’s anger began to ebb away. Because Killua looked so breathtaking in this moment, but so small and heartbroken, too. His shoulders were hunched and a tense, deep frown curled the corners of his lips. And Gon didn’t like that. Killua should never look sad because he was wonderful and amazing in every possible way. 

For a moment, Gon wanted to take back everything he'd just said, to gather Killua in his arms and run his fingers through silky silver hair. But he held himself back, if just barely. Because no matter how badly Gon wanted to comfort Killua, he needed answers. He needed honesty. He couldn’t meet up with Killua every night and pretend like nothing had changed because that would be living a lie. 

Everything had changed because of what he saw tonight. His world had flipped on its head because magic was _real_. And his best friend was somehow at the very heart of it. 

"You're right," Killua said hoarsely and Gon subconsciously squeezed Killua’s wrist. "About everything. I didn't mean to hurt you by keeping it all a secret, Gon, I _swear._ But...." 

Killua's voice trailed off, face tight with worry and fear alike, and Gon frowned. “But?” he repeated.

“But I had no choice. You have to understand, I couldn't— _can't_ put you in danger because of me. You're the only friend I've ever had. So I can’t let you learn anything else, not even by accident."

"You're the only friend I've ever had, too!" Gon grabbed Killua's other hand and cradled them both to his chest. He didn't let himself focus on the blush spreading across his friend's face or the way Killua sucked in a sharp breath. He could think about those things later, when he could afford to be distracted. 

But right now, he had to convince Killua to stay.

"Killua, please. Don’t go," Gon begged and Killua made a pained sound in the back of his throat. "I know you're scared. I know you think it’s risky. But I...I don't want to lose you. I _can't_ lose you. You're more important to me than you know, so please—" He bowed his head and lifted Killua's hands to his mouth, pressing his lips to Killua's chilly fingers in a light kiss. _"_ _P_ _lease._ Stay with me. Help me understand and then we can share that burden together. You don’t have to be alone anymore."

Gon dared to look up. Killua was frozen stiff, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. He opened his mouth, then shut it. Gon could feel Killua’s hands shaking in his.

Gon’s chest tightened. What did that look mean? Would he trust Gon? "Killua?"

"I promised Kite," Killua whispered. "I promised him I wouldn't let you get hurt."

"I won’t be hurt! How can talking put me in any danger?"

"You just saw me transform into a _swan_ and you think—" Killua threw his head back with a laugh but it sounded wrong. It sounded unhappy, forced, a tinge of hysteria coloring the edges. " _C'mon_ , Gon. You're smarter than that. Do you really think I'd be this adamant about not telling you anything if it was _safe?"_

"You haven't told me anything, yet!" 

"Exactly," Killua retorted and Gon clenched his jaw. "I haven't. Why do you think that is?"

"Your family is making you. Your brother, specifically."

Killua's shoulders raised, the color draining from his face. "Don't mention him."

"Why not? He comes to check up on you, right? Or can you not tell me about that, either?"

"Gon, shut _up,"_ Killua hissed and Gon’s anger swelled.

“Make me. Or better yet, tell me the truth. Because that’s the only way I’m letting this go, Killua. I won’t give you up. Especially not because of a secret we both already know.”

A pause. For a moment, Gon was worried he’d gone too far. Killua was seething, blue eyes flashing like fire and his mouth twisted in an ugly scowl. Palpable frustration and anger radiated from him in waves. Gon had never seen Killua look at him like this before, not even when they first met and Killua tried scaring him away.

Killua tugged his hands out of Gon’s and panic swelled in Gon’s chest. He tensed, preparing to hold on tight and not let Killua go.

But Killua didn't let go. He just twisted his hands in Gon's grip, brows furrowing, until his fingers slid between Gon's. Then he stepped into the woods, tugging Gon with him. 

"K-Killua?" Gon stammered as he automatically followed. "Where are we going?"

"Anywhere," Killua replied, looking around hastily as they were swallowed by the shadows. Darkness pressed in on them on all sides like a blanket. Gon could barely make out the gleam of Killua’s necklace even though Killua was walking barely a step ahead. "We just—We can't stay in the open like that."

"Why?"

"It's dangerous."

Gon let out a short breath between clenched teeth. "Is that all you're going to tell me? That everything is _‘dangerous’?"_

"Is that all you're going to ask?" Killua snapped back. 

"I want to know everything, Killua. I want to help you."

"You can't help me."

Anger flared in Gon, hot and burning. "You don't know that!"

"I do!" Killua snapped. "I _do_ know that, because I know the full picture. Okay? And if I tell you anything else, Illumi will find you. And I can't let that happen."

"It won't happen," Gon protested. He was stuck between his frustration and worry. If Killua refused to let Gon help, what could Gon do? Would he just give up?

No. The answer was easy, simple. It was the same answer he’d just given Killua. He wouldn’t leave Killua to his family and whatever spell they had him under. Friends didn’t give up on friends. 

So that meant Gon just had to try harder to convince Killua to accept his help.

"Just—Just tell me _something,_ Killua,” Gon pleaded. “You can't think I would just let you go after everything we’ve done together. You’ve been lying all summer and as your best friend I deserve to know why."

Killua stopped walking abruptly, and Gon collided into his back with a loud _oof_. He stumbled back a step, brows furrowed, and rubbed his nose. He glared at Killua's back. It was the only thing he could see in the night besides the silver gleam of Killua's hair.

"Killua, what—?"

"I'm sorry."

Gon blinked, hand dropping. "What?"

"I'm _sorry_ , Gon," Killua repeated more forcibly. "Okay? I didn't want to hide things from you, but you just..." 

Killua pressed a hand to his forehead and let out a shaking breath. "You wouldn't stop coming to the lake. I didn't want to upset Kite by telling him you were sneaking out and I didn't want to call the cops on you, no matter how many times I threatened it. You were the first person in years who bothered to talk to me. So the only option left was..."

Gon stepped forward to stand at Killua's side. "Was to let me visit, but keep secrets," he finished, squeezing Killua's hand. "That's okay, Killua. I'm not mad at you for trying to protect me. But there’s no point in holding back now. I know the truth and I want to support you."

Killua looked at Gon then. His blue eyes shone even in the darkness of the woods. "Have you been listening to me at all? If I tell you anything, my brother will come after you."

"I don't care about your brother! I care about _you_. What could he do to me, anyway? He doesn't know who I am."

"He doesn't need to know who you are. He'll curse you anyway, just like he cursed—"

Killua's eyes flew wide. He clamped his mouth shut, face going pale once more.

Gon stared as his heart began to race. Killua had messed up. Killua hadn’t meant to tell Gon that. 

"He'll...curse me?" Gon repeated. "Wait—is that what he did to you? Your family can _curse_ people?"

Killua clenched his jaw. He turned away, tugging his hand out of Gon’s and roughly running his fingers through his hair. "I've said too much already. You're in even more danger now— _shit_ , this is so bad—"

"Hey!" 

Gon grabbed Killua’s shoulder and turned him back around. There was a pang in his heart as their eyes met. Killua looked years younger, lost and panicked.

 _"Hey_ ," Gon repeated, more gently this time, and Killua looked away. "Don't freak out. Okay? I'm fine. You're fine. _We're_ fine. Can you explain to me what you said? You've already said it, you can't be putting me in more danger if you go into a little more detail."

"You're the worst."

Gon smiled slightly. "You love me anyway."

That made Killua flush. “Y-You…You don't know the half of it."

Something in Gon's chest twisted funnyly at Killua's words. What was Killua referring to, when he said that? Was he talking about his family, that Gon didn’t understand what they had done to him? Or was he talking about Gon and his own feelings—?

Killua took Gon's hand again. "C'mon. I'll explain what I can, but we have to keep moving."

"C-Can your brother really see us right now?" Gon asked. His mind and body lagged behind, his heart raced and his palms were clammy. Could Killua tell how that one sentence had turned Gon's world on its head?

"I'm not sure," Killua admitted and ducked under a low tree branch. "My brother is powerful, he can cast lots of curses I'd never think of. So it's not too strange to think he could be watching us."

"What else can he do, though? What could be worse than cursing you to be a swan?"

Even now, Killua hesitated. Gon could tell he was still wrestling with himself—torn over the desire to give into Gon's questions and his need to keep Gon safe. Because that's what he had been doing all summer by not telling Gon the truth. He was keeping Gon safe. And this internal war was proof alone of how strongly Killua cared for Gon.

Butterflies fluttered in Gon's stomach. It was heartwarming to know how much their friendship meant to Killua. But right now, Gon didn't want to be safe. Not if it meant he couldn't see and understand every part of Killua.

Gon squeezed Killua's hand. "Your brother did curse you though, didn’t he? Is it because you ran away with Alluka?"

His sister's name seemed to shake Killua out of whatever daze he was in. He looked over his shoulder at Gon, emotions flickering too quickly through his blue eyes for Gon to name.

"Yeah," Killua said at last. Relief rushed through Gon. Killua was finally _talking_ to him. "That's exactly what he did."

"Why did you try to leave? Were they hurting her like they're hurting you now?"

Killua huffed. "They're not _hurting_ me, Gon—"

Gon vehemently disagreed, but he bit his tongue to keep himself from interrupting.

"They're just...They have this idea, in their heads, about what's best for the family. And Alluka didn't fit that profile."

"And you don't fit that profile, either," Gon guessed. It all made sense, then, why Killua had risked punishment by running away. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Killua and Alluka to be constantly shunned by the people who were supposed to love them.

But Killua surprised Gon by sighing heavily. "You got it wrong, Gon."

"I do?"

"Yeah." Killua stepped carefully over a topsidded tree, waiting patiently for Gon to follow suit. "Alluka didn't fit the profile. But me? I'm everything they could ever want. I'm perfect, in their eyes. I was chosen to be the heir to our family even though Illumi and Milluki are older."

Gon blinked. Killua was an _heir?_ But then, why would his family force him into isolation?

"I'm here as punishment," Killua said, as if reading Gon's mind. "That's all. Illumi is hoping if I stay here long enough that I'll come to my senses and realize home is where I’m meant to be."

"But you don't want that."

Killua pursed his lips before turning to lead Gon further into the woods. "No. I don't. I don't want to be like them. I don’t want to curse people or hurt anyone."

"But Illumi cursed you before you could run away and now you’re forced to become a swan against your will.” It was much easier to piece together Killua’s story now that Gon knew magic was a factor. “How does that even work? I had no idea that—that—"

"That curses exist? Welcome to my world."

Gon shook his head. No, he'd been going to say he'd no idea Killua was the swan this whole time. But now, after witnessing tonight’s events, it made sense. Gon hadn't realized it before because the idea was seemingly impossible but...but Killua being the swan answered all of his questions.

Why did the swan have blue eyes? Because he was Killua and Killua had blue eyes.

Why didn't Killua visit Gon during the day? Probably because he was cursed to transform into a swan during certain time periods.

How did Killua know so much about Ging? Because Gon himself had ranted to the swan about his absentee dad several afternoons throughout the summer.

Warmth prickled across Gon’s cheeks. Now that he was thinking about it, he'd mentioned a lot of things to the swan he hadn't exactly intended on telling his human friend. Did Killua remember everything Gon said, just like how he remembered Ging?

"Gon?" Killua asked, his voice pulling Gon out of his stupor. "Are you okay? You got really quiet all of a sudden."

"Y-Yeah, just..." Gon swallowed. "You've been the swan this entire time?"

Killua frowned and slowed his steps. "Uh. Yeah? I thought the whole transforming-in-front-of-you-thing kind of confirmed that."

"No, I get that, I just, um..."

“Gon, _seriously_ , if you have something to say just spit it out—"

"It's just I've said a lot of things to the swan!" Gon said shrilly. His stomach twisted unpleasantly, like a towel being wrung too tight. "And if you've been him this whole time, then you know more things about me than I thought you did."

Killua looked at Gon curiously over his shoulder. "So? You gave me bread and took measurements and sometimes rambled on about how your day was going. That's not the end of the world, Gon. S'not like you confessed your undying love for someone or something."

He grinned, like his teasing was nothing more than that— _teasing_. But Gon knew the truth and he hadn't wanted to blurt out his feelings like this but...but it could work, right? Gon had planned on telling Killua about his crush anyway once Killua told him about his secrets. And Killua had definitely done that even if it wasn't in a way either of them had expected.

"I, um, did, though?" Gon said, forcing himself to push past the awkwardness. There was a prickling warmth spreading through his body. It was scary, laying his feelings bare like this, but Gon would do it. Because he trusted Killua. And Killua, even if he didn't feel the same, would still be his friend. He was sure of it.

Killua was frowning now. "What are you talking about?" he asked as he pushed through the last of the brush. "I don't remember you saying anything about love or—or crushes or anything."

Gon blinked in the sudden brightness. They'd reached another shallow beach a bit away from the main spot where the families and townsfolk gathered during the daytime. This place was little more than a strip of sand to separate the gentle waves from the dark dirt of the forest. But it was enough for the moonlight to shine on their faces, enough for Gon to see Killua and drink in the sight of the moon illuminating his features in a silver glow.

Killua quickly caught onto Gon's stare. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Looking at you like what?"

"Like...I dunno." Killua let go of Gon's hand and shoved his own into the pockets of his shorts. "You had this weird expression on your face."

Gon tilted his head. He wasn’t sure what kind of look he was giving Killua, but Killua’s expression wasn’t exactly normal either. He refused to look Gon in the eye, shifting on the balls of his feet as a dark flush spread across his fair skin. He was so different from the calm, cool and collected Killua who Gon had first befriended all those weeks ago. 

Not that Gon was complaining. This flustered Killua was just as wonderful as all the other Killuas Gon had gotten to know over the summer. But there had to be a reason for Killua to behave like this, for him to stammer over his words once ‘love’ had entered the conversation.

Could it be Killua was feeling the same things Gon felt when they were together? The happy sort of nervousness, the breathless excitement?

Gon dared to take a step forward. Killua's shoulders raised minutely, his cheeks turning a shade darker. Hope flickered in Gon’s chest like a flame and adrenaline rushed through his veins. 

Gon reached up slowly, hesitantly. Killua stilled as Gon's fingers brushed his bangs out of his face. Time slowed to a crawl. The rest of the world faded away. Gon’s vision narrowed on blue eyes and pink lips and _Killua._

"Gon," Killua whispered, still not looking at him. "What are you doing?"

"If you've been the swan this entire time," Gon said steadily despite the heavy thumping of his heart, "then you would know."

"Know _what?"_

"You would know I haven't stopped thinking about you for the past few weeks."

Quiet. Gon watched as Killua's eyes widened, heard his breath catch in his throat. So. Killua _did_ understand, then. Killua knew Gon better than anyone, except maybe Aunt Mito, and Gon wasn't exactly subtle at hiding his thoughts and emotions.

"Killua?" he asked quietly and Killua exhaled shakily.

"People say stuff like that all the time. It could mean anything. Besides, you just wanted to know why I was hiding things from you."

Gon frowned. "No. Well, I mean, _yes_ —I was curious. But I was curious about you from the very beginning. And curiosity has nothing to do with how happy I am when I’m with you."

Killua squeezed his eyes shut. It made Gon wonder—was he the person Killua saw in his dreams when he went to bed? Did he occupy Killua's thoughts like Killua did his? Why was Killua closing his eyes now, was it to prepare himself for rejecting Gon’s confession?

"I know this is probably a bad time to say this," Gon began, stomach in knots, and Killua stayed still. "But I'm not sure if there ever is a good time to say these sort of things and I don't want to keep this hidden from you since you mean so much to me. But my feelings towards you have been changing and I don't even know when it started. Maybe they were always there, hidden under how badly I wanted to befriend you. 

“But now that we _are_ friends,” Gon continued. “I've learned so much about you and this—this _curse_ that your brother placed on you doesn't change how much I admire and care about you. So, I just..."

He took a deep breath. "I wanted to say this, at least once. And you can do whatever you want with the information. Okay? Anything. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Killua. I just don't want to lose you. So I'll say it this one time and then we can pretend it never happened, if that’s what you want—"

Gon didn't get the chance to say another word. Because suddenly pale hands grabbed his collar, yanking him closer than close, and Killua’s eyes were fluttering shut as soft lips pressed to Gon’s.

Gon's mind went blank. He froze, unable to move or think or do anything besides _feel—_ feel Killua's soft bangs brushing his forehead, softer lips moving gently against his, soft eyelashes brushing soft cheeks and Gon couldn’t _breathe_ , he was so stunned and overwhelmed because Killua was _kissing him_. Full on the mouth, like Gon had dreamed over and over and over again since the Tanabata Festival. His fantasies were coming true and he wasn’t _moving._

Gon should do something. Kiss Killua back. Cup his face and pull him in close. Angle his head or smile into Killua's lips. Memorize every little detail of this moment because he wouldn’t forget it for as long as he lived—

Killua pulled back. Gon blinked slowly, dazed. His vision was taken up by hazy blue eyes and rosy cheeks. Once again Gon was frozen with awe—because Killua was so close and still so impossibly stunning. Gon could count every silver eyelash, memorize the exact color and shape of Killua’s mouth. Killua really was the most beautiful thing Gon had ever seen. 

But then Killua yanked his hands back, as if burned. He stumbled away from Gon with wide eyes and shuddered breaths.

"I—I'm sorry," Killua stammered as Gon stood there, staring at him dumbly. "I didn’t mean to do that, uh—"

Killua bit on his lower lip. Gon's gaze darted down and stayed there. Killua's mouth was redder than usual. More _enticing_ than usual.

And now Gon knew what those lips tasted like.

"What were you saying?" Gon distantly heard Killua ask in a high-pitched voice. "I didn't mean to interrupt you, I just—I just thought—"

Gon finally looked up. "You thought, what?" His voice was surprisingly steady for someone who’d just been kissed by his crush. 

Killua clenched his hands into fists. "I thought I knew what you were going to say before you finished, so I just...jumped ahead to the good part."

A smile was making its way across Gon's face. The shock was slowly starting to ebb, giving way to something breathless and giddy and all-consuming. Gon felt like he'd been struck by lightning and given wings. Like he'd just won the lottery or gotten a glimpse of heaven.

"The good part?" Gon repeated with a laugh and Killua scrunched his nose. "Are you saying you _don't_ want to hear my very important and heartfelt confession, Ki-llu-a?"

"I thought you said you already gave me one when I was a swan?" Killua shot back.

"I _indirectly_ gave you one! I didn't know you were the swan and you didn't even realize it was a confession. I was in the middle of giving you an _actual_ confession when you decided it was more important to kiss me."

Killua was very, very red now. "So, what? You don't want to kiss me? 'Cause I can just—just go if that’s what you—"

Gon gasped as Killua turned away. "No, no—wait! I didn't say that!" Gon said hastily, grabbing Killua’s wrist and keeping him there.

Killua allowed Gon to turn him around again, a scowl on his face. "What _are_ you trying to say then?"

"I was _trying_ to say I...I really, really like you. Killua. Both as a friend and—and m-more than a friend. Um."

Gon looked down at his shoes, his cheeks burning. Nothing made sense right now—Killua was a human turned swan, placed under a curse by his brother. And yet Gon wasn’t afraid or scared. He felt like he was soaring, flying. He was dizzy with joy. Because despite all that other crazy stuff, Killua kissing him was the most amazing thing that had happened so far tonight. 

And if Killua had kissed him, then maybe Killua felt the same for Gon that Gon felt for him. It _had_ to mean that. Right?

"You really like me that much?" Killua whispered and Gon lifted his gaze. His expression was a timid yet hopeful, blue eyes bright and cheeks still flushed that pretty shade of pink Gon loved so much. 

Gon’s heart fluttered. "Of course I do!" Gon shifted his grip on Killua’s wrist, sliding his hand into Killua’s and holding on tight. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. How could I not want, you know, _more_ with you."

"And you don't mind that I'm cursed?"

"Well, I'm not really _happy_ you're cursed, because you can’t live your life the way you want to. And I want to hear more about that, by the way. Like what the exact curse is and when it was placed on you and how you break it. But..."

He began to lean in ever so slowly. He watched Killua's pupils grow large, heard Killua suck in a sharp breath.

"But?" Killua whispered, hands tightening on Gon's.

"But right now, I just want to kiss you," Gon murmured. 

Killua was looking at him through half-lidded eyes and the desire to close the distance was maddening. But Gon held back. He would wait, wait until Killua told Gon he wanted this, too. 

Killua swallowed. “Really?”

“Yeah, really.” Gon tilted his head ever so slightly. They were _so close._ “Do you want to kiss me?”

Killua laughed quietly and Gon’s heart stuttered at the sound. “Stupid, I’ve wanted to kiss you since you gave me that chocolate cupcake for my birthday.”

Gon stopped breathing. “Really?”

Killua smiled, his blue eyes shining like the brightest stars on a clear winter night. “Really.”

Finally, _finally_ Killua closed the distance, and Gon melted into him. He let go of Killua’s hands to wrap his arms around Killua’s waist, pulling him close and leaning into him. Killua’s arms wound around his neck as his fingers threaded through Gon’s hair. Gon smiled into Killua’s lips, unable to stop himself. 

He never wanted this to end. He wanted to kiss Killua until he could memorize the exact feel and taste of his lips, the sound of his sighs, the feel of Killua's body against his. He wanted to kiss Killua until all the air vanished from his lungs and he grew lightheaded. He wanted to kiss Killua until he forgot the world around them and all he could remember was _Killua._

Kissing was all he wanted to do for the rest of the night. He wanted this single moment of solid happiness no matter how short it might be in the grand scheme of things. 

But tomorrow...tomorrow, Gon wanted to know everything about Killua’s curse—who had put it on him, when, the activation, _everything_. 

And once he knew everything, he was going to break Killua’s curse once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/7/2021
> 
> Ohhhhhhhhhh...this chapter :,))) I spent all last week editing this thing, it was easily the hardest chapter to prepare for posting so far. There was just a lot of repeating items from either an earlier point in the story or within this chapter itself so it needed a lot of help. But all of your kind and excited comments on last week's chapter helped me to push through and keep working because I knew how badly you all wanted to read this update and I wanted to make it as good as possible for you all!!! I do hope you enjoyed this and that it was everything you were all hoping for in terms of Gon's realization of Killua's identity ^-^ next week we'll learn more about the specifics of Killua's curse but this week.....this week we got a killugon kiss >:3c And there will be more of that to come I promise!
> 
> See you all next week~~~
> 
> (Thank you to xyliane for beta'ing she was a lifesaver for this fic!!!)
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	12. ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, what is it?" Gon asked Killua as the pair sat on the edge of Kite’s dock.
> 
> Killua held out his hand and Gon gave over the ring wordlessly. Killua turned the jewelry over a few times as he studied it, the silver glinting in the moonlight. Gon scooted closer and dared to lay his head on Killua's shoulder. Killua didn't tense, but he did suck in a sharp breath. Gon held back a smile and leaned more heavily into Killua's side. It was nice, knowing they could do this sort of thing now. He could touch and hold and love Killua, and Killua was okay with it. 
> 
> "It's protection," Killua said at last. His voice held only the slightest tremor. "My sister gave it to me for my birthday a while back before we ran away. I'm not exactly sure what it does since Alluka’s abilities work differently from the rest of our family’s magic, but she said the ring would save me if I was ever in danger. She told me to always keep it on me just in case of an emergency."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are some uh torture scenes this chapter. Please proceed with caution.

"What did I say about not staying out all night?"

Gon yelped and slipped on the kitchen's tiled floor. He threw out an arm, grabbing onto the counter to keep himself upright. He hadn't expected to hear a voice when sneaking into the kitchen at six in the morning. He _really_ hadn't expected to see Kite sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee, an unfolded newspaper, and an unimpressed expression on his face.

Gon let out a short breath. "Kite! You scared me. What are you doing up so early?"

"What are you doing coming home so late?" Kite asked, grey eyes following Gon as he shrugged off his work bag and kicked off his shoes. "I thought we agreed to no sleeping in the woods at night?"

Gon stilled. Memories flooded his mind—Killua, with hazy blue eyes and the moonlight trapped in his hair, the faint taste of chocolate and cool hands skimming down his bare arms, quiet laughter and a soaring in his chest, water glowing silver as it swirled and arched around Killua in a magical tornado before he emerged again as a swan—

Kite cleared his throat and Gon started. He blinked at his mentor as heat rose to his cheeks. 

"S-Sorry, Kite," Gon stammered. "But I didn't, um, sleep in the woods?"

Kite frowned. "You didn't sleep."

"No."

"You haven't slept since _yesterday?"_

"Um...yes?"

Kite stared at him and Gon shifted awkwardly on his feet. As much as he cared for Kite, he wasn't about to admit he and Killua had spent the past few hours kissing each other senseless under a starry sky. 

"The date went well, then," Kite said and the heat in Gon’s cheeks became a burning, raging fire. "After all, what could you possibly be doing for all those hours if not—"

"K-Kite!"

Kite tilted his head. He looked like he was trying to hold back a smile. His eyes sparkled and the corners of his lips were twitching. "I don't think I've ever seen you this flustered before, Gon. Has Killua really gotten to you that badly?"

Gon scrunched his nose. He wasn't one to be embarrassed. And he _wasn't_ embarrassed. He was overjoyed, giddy, warm all over in the best possible way. But this was also very new and it amazed Gon that Kite had sensed a deeper connection between him and Killua long before Gon himself did.

"I'm going to bed," Gon declared and rushed past the kitchen table. He heard the scuffling of Kite's chair, felt the weight of his mentor's gaze digging into his back—

"Are you sure you'll get enough sleep?" came the call of Kite's voice, amusement coloring his tone. "Work starts in three hours."

"I'll be ready!"

Gon had no choice but to be ready. If he slept through the rest of the day, he wouldn’t get to see Killua during his visit to ‘the swan’. And getting less time with Killua would be the worst punishment of all. 

**-o0o-**

It was different this time, getting in the rickety old boat and rowing his way across the lake. All his visits to the swan had been good ones—it was a break in his day, a way to enjoy the sun and the breeze and the sky. It was nice to see the swan and talk aimlessly about his day. 

But everything was different now because _now_ Gon knew he wasn't on his way to spend time with a swan. He was rowing to visit his best friend in the whole world. To visit _Killua_.

A smile spread its way across Gon's face as he finally reached the middle of the lake. There was a familiar spot of white off in the distance, slowly but surely growing larger with each passing second. 

He held out a hand, saying softly when the blue-eyed swan finally reached him, "Hi, Killua."

Killua ducked his head under Gon's hand and let out a soft cooing noise. The sound caused something to melt in Gon's chest. Killua had made that sound a few times before, but it never birthed a slew of butterflies in Gon’s stomach like it was now. How did Killua always act so calm during these visits?

"Y’know, I was thinking on my way over here," Gon said, cheeks aching from his smile. "And I can't believe I didn't figure out who you were sooner. You have the same eyes. I even gave you the _same name!"_

Swans couldn't laugh, but Killua let out a little huffing noise that was close enough to be considered a laugh. Gon let his fingers trail over the swan's head and down the length of his neck. He marveled at the softness of Killua's feathers, appreciating the bird’s features in a new light.

Killua ducked his head and Gon withdrew his hand. He watched, confused, as Killua turned and began to swim away. Why was Killua leaving? Had he said something to insult Killua?

But then Killua dove. His white, feathered head disappeared under the murky lake water without a sound. Gon sat up as his grip turned knuckle white on the boat’s rim. 

“Ki-Killua—?”

Killua reappeared and Gon’s next few words died on his lips. He watched as Killua shook his feathered head, sending droplets through the air and causing ripples through the lake water. Gon gripped the sides of the boat as the water rocked him.

"What are you...?" Gon's voice trailed off as Killua swam back to him. There was something in his beak. Was it a fish? No, it was too small for that. 

Gon held out his hand once Killua reached his boat. Killua dropped the thing he’d been carrying into Gon’s palm and lifted his head, blue eyes trained on Gon.

Gon lowered his gaze. In his palm was a silver ring with a single green gem in its center. Something in Gon's chest twisted. He held the ring up to the sky, twisting it so the sunlight hit all angles. There were strange symbols engraved on the inside metal of the ring and Gon's breath stuck in his throat.

"I think I've seen something like this before," Gon said quietly. 

The green gem, the silver band with the symbols—they were ringing a bell in his head. He’d seen a ring like this before, hadn’t he? 

Yes, he had. Last year, when he’d found that box of Ging’s things hidden away in Aunt Mito’s closet. Inside there had been a ring just like this one, along with a dusty playstation, a strange map, and the picture of Ging that Gon had shown Killua earlier just a few weeks ago. Gon had also discovered an address and phone number scribbled on a sticky note that turned out to be Kite’s. Aunt Mito had been furious when she’d found Gon holding Ging’s box, but that hadn’t stopped Gon from reaching out to Kite and asking about his dad. 

It was that box of Ging's things that had inspired Gon to leave Whale Island and accept a job with Kite. It was the box that led him to Killua. And now, somehow, Killua was leading him back to that very same box.

Gon lowered his arm, looking to his friend. "How did you find this? What is it?"

Killua shook his head. He couldn't talk, obviously. Gon's questions would have to wait for later.

Gon sighed. "Okay. I'll bring this with me tonight, then. But you have to tell me everything. Got it?"

Killua simply blinked at him.

**-o0o-**

"So, what is it?" Gon asked Killua that night as the pair sat on the edge of Kite’s dock.

Killua held out his hand and Gon gave over the ring wordlessly. Killua turned the jewelry over a few times as he studied it, the silver glinting in the moonlight. Gon scooted closer and dared to lay his head on Killua's shoulder. Killua didn't tense, but he did suck in a sharp breath. Gon held back a smile and leaned more heavily into Killua's side. It was nice, knowing they could do this sort of thing now. He could touch and hold and love Killua, and Killua was okay with it. 

"It's protection," Killua said at last. His voice held only the slightest tremor. "My sister gave it to me for my birthday a while back before we ran away. I'm not _exactly_ sure what it does since Alluka’s abilities work differently from the rest of our family’s magic, but she said the ring would save me if I was ever in danger. She told me to always keep it on me just in case of an emergency."

Killua reached up and pulled his necklace out from under the collar of his shirt. “I’ve worn the ring around this chain ever since I got cursed so my brother wouldn’t see it and take it away. I’ve never taken it off. Until today, that is.”

"But if it's protection, why did you give it to me?"

Killua was already tucking the necklace back under his shirt. "Because I can handle myself just fine. But _you_ can’t. If Illumi shows up, I want to make sure you'll be okay."

Gon leaned back to get a better look at Killua’s expression. Killua’s face was pinched, worried. 

"Do you think your brother is going to show up?” Gon asked. “I thought you said he only visited every few months."

Killua looked down at the ring in his hand, closing his fingers over it in a fist. He didn’t speak and, after a moment, Gon nudged his shoulder gently. "Please, Killua. I want to help, remember?"

"That's the thing, though. I'm not sure if telling you more will help anything."

"Won't know until we try," Gon said cheerfully, and Killua glowered at him.

"Doesn't any of this stuff scare you? Or freak you out or—or _anything?_ You just found out magic exists and you haven't so much as batted an eye."

Gon blinked. "Well, um...no, it doesn’t really scare me. I always knew you were special, Killua. It makes sense you'd be able to do incredible things—"

"I haven't done anything incredible!" Killua protested, cheeks pinking. 

Gon grinned slyly. "'Course you have. You kissed me, remember?"

Killua shoved Gon and Gon fell over onto the deck with a laugh. 

"I-Idiot," Killua bit out. "That doesn't count!"

"Why not? I think it was pretty incredible!"

"Kissing isn’t _magic,_ Gon!"

"To me it was! And I'm sure you could do lots of other incredible things—magic specific things. But you won’t show me because you want to protect me or whatever. So, no. None of this stuff freaks me out because it’s a part of you." He paused. He didn’t add _‘and I like every part of you’_ like he wanted to, having a feeling that Killua might push him again if he did. "What _does_ freak me out though is knowing I've seen this same ring before in my aunt’s house. Do you know Ging?"

"I don’t think so, but I also don’t know everyone my family works with. This ring is the only one of its kind I’ve seen. I thought my sister made the ring, actually."

"Hmm..."

Gon sighed, leaning back on the heels of his hands and casting his gaze upwards to the starry sky. It didn't make sense. Was his dad involved with the same kind of magic as Killua and his family? Did his dad curse people like Killua's brother?

"You know," Gon said, gaze trained on the sky. The moon was slim tonight. There would be a new moon soon. "You never answered my other questions about your curse."

"Yeah, well, we were kind of _busy_ last night, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Oh, I noticed plenty." He tilted his head to grin at Killua, who was red-faced and scowling. Killua was cute when he got all pouty and flustered. "And I'm really happy we were busy. But this won't go anywhere if I can't break your curse, Killua."

Killua went quiet. He lowered his gaze to his lap, biting down on his bottom lip. 

"What do you mean by that?" he asked after a pause. 

"I mean, if we don't break the curse, you'll be stuck here. That's why you haven't left to go find your sister, right? Because you physically can't until your curse has been lifted."

Gon looked out over the lake, frowning. There had to be something specific about this lake that was woven into Killua's curse. Otherwise, Killua could've just flown away whenever he wanted. Was it the lake water? Or the fact this was Zoldyck owned property? 

"No, that's not what I meant," Killua said, interrupting Gon's thoughts. "You said—You said 'this won't go anywhere'. What is 'this'?"

Gon turned back to Killua, blinking. He'd thought it was obvious what he'd been talking about. But maybe Killua didn't understand?

"'This' is us." He reached out to take Killua's free hand in his, squeezing lightly. Killua's blue eyes darted to their interlocked fingers. "Our relationship—our _friendship_. We only have maybe a month more of each other's company before I have to pack up and go with Kite. If you're still under your curse by that time..."

Gon's voice trailed off. He didn't want to picture it, leaving Killua behind. Just the thought made his throat tighten and his stomach twist. It felt _wrong_. Killua had become such a natural part of Gon's life in the past two months, and he knew their bond would only continue to grow the longer they were together. 

He couldn't leave Killua here to suffer alone. He had to break the curse before summer’s end.

Killua was staring at him with an odd expression on his face. "You...You want me to come with you and Kite?"

There was a breathless kind of hope coloring Killua's tone, as if the possibility was too good to be true. But it _wasn't_ because that was everything Gon wanted and more.

Gon rubbed his thumb across Killua’s knuckles. "Of course I do, Killua. You're my best friend. And more, now." A terrible thought caused his blood to run cold. "Do you _not_ want to come with us?"

He didn't want to force Killua to do anything. But if Killua didn't want the same thing as Gon, then—

Cool fingers grasped Gon's chin. Gon let his face be turned, blinking rapidly as soft lips pressed against his. Killua's eyes were scrunched shut, his normally pale cheeks blooming a scarlet red. His hand drifted from Gon’s chin to his cheeks and Gon’s skin burned where Killua touched him. Killua was electricity, striking Gon with desire and joy and excitement every moment they were together. It was impossible to resist falling into him, so Gon didn’t fight the pull. 

His eyes fell shut as he breathed Killua in, threading a hand through the fine silver strands at the nape of his neck. He kissed Killua over and over again, until his heartbeat thudded in his ears and his cheeks burned from his blush. And when Killua finally pulled back, Gon was so lost in the moment he tried chasing after his lips. 

"I want that—more than—than _anything,"_ Killua said breathlessly. "But, I—I don't know how you're going to break the curse."

Gon's eyes opened, a sinking feeling settling in his gut. "Y-You mean—you don't know how to break it?"

"It's not that, it's just...it's too hard to break."

"But not impossible?"

Killua wrinkled his nose. "No, not impossible."

"Okay. Then, I'll do it."

"Gon—"

"I mean it, Killua!" Gon lowered his hands to Killua’s shoulders and squeezed. "If it's for you, if it means we can stay together, I'll do it."

Killua sighed. "It’s not that simple."

"It is. You just have to trust me."

“I do trust you.” Killua’s thumb brushed Gon’s cheek. “But I care about you too much to risk your safety."

Killua let his hand drop, expression solemn. Disappointment swelled in Gon's chest but he pushed it down. It was okay Killua didn't want to—or maybe _couldn’t_ —tell him any more about the curse. That didn't mean Gon couldn't break it. It just meant he had to be smart about it.

"I know you won’t tell me anything else about the curse," Gon said slowly. "But can I at least tell you what _I_ think I know about the curse?"

“How will that help anything?"

Gon shrugged. "You're pretty easy for me to read, Killua. You won't have to say anything for me to know if I'm right or not."

Understanding dawned on Killua's face. “So, you’ll…talk. I just have to listen.”

“Yep.” 

“Huh. You know, that might just work.”

“I still have some good ideas in me yet,” he teased, and Killua rolled his eyes. A cool hand gripped his chin again, forcing Gon to look into brilliant blue eyes.

“You’ve always been nothing short of brilliant, Gon,” Killua said seriously. Something in Gon’s chest flipped over at his words. “I mean it. Okay? Don’t sell yourself short.”

He let go of Gon and Gon stared at him dumbly. His skin tingled from Killua’s touch, his heart thudded from his words. Did Killua really think that highly of him?

“Here—” Killua shoved the ring into Gon’s hand. “Put this on before I forget to hand it over again.”

Gon frowned. “But—”

“No buts. I won’t take it back, so you better wear it or else Alluka’s efforts to give me that ring will have been a waste.”

Gon sighed. He could tell by Killua’s tone there wasn’t any room for arguing. He slipped the ring onto his finger, the green gem glinting in the moonlight.

“You mentioned Alluka’s powers before,” he commented as he continued gazing at the ring. “You said her powers were different, or something?”

He glanced at Killua, but Killua just quirked an eyebrow.

“I’m not saying anything.” He folded his arms, staring Gon down. “You’re gonna talk and I’m gonna listen, right?”

Gon grinned. So Killua was going along with his plan, then? Good.

“Yeah. I am. And I think your family shuns Alluka maybe _because_ her abilities are different. Like how you said Alluka made this ring and how it’s supposed to protect me, but...I don’t think curses work like that. I think maybe curses only hurt people, because you wouldn’t hate them so much if curses were a good thing.”

Gon paused. A flurry of emotions had passed through Killua’s eyes with those few sentences alone—guilt and frustration and sadness, and so many others Gon failed to catch. But none of those emotions told Gon he was wrong, just that Killua didn’t like what he was saying.

Which was a pretty good indication he was right.

Gon took a deep breath. “Your brother cursed you when you tried saving Alluka and running away with her. Alluka escaped but the curse somehow traps you here on the lake. Otherwise, you would have left a long time ago to be with her.”

Killua folded his legs before resting his elbow on his thigh, one hand cupping his jaw. “You’ve thought about this a lot, huh.”

“I told you yesterday, didn’t I? I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we met. I meant that.”

Killua flushed a pretty shade of pink. “Stupid. Flattery won’t get you any answers.”

“I know,” Gon said with a grin. “That’s okay with me. I just like seeing you blush.”

Killua quickly looked away, biting down on his bottom lip. Gon stared as the urge to kiss Killua rose in him like a tidal wave. He couldn’t help but lean forward—Killua looked so cute with his blue eyes all squinty and his cheeks a beautiful red and his silver hair swaying in the breeze—

“G-Gon?” Killua stammered as Gon suddenly grew close. “What are you—”

He didn’t get the chance to finish before Gon cupped the back of his neck and pulled him close. Gon had never been one for self-control and he wasn’t about to start now. He wanted answers, but he wanted Killua—beautiful, smart, amazing, _captivating_ Killua—even more.

And Killua didn’t resist. He pressed closer to Gon, angling his head as one arm snaked around Gon’s waist to grip the back of his shirt. Killua tasted chocolate and smelled strawberries. Killua’s hair was silky under Gon’s fingers and his body was warm against his.

But it still wasn’t close enough.

Killua made a soft noise in the back of his throat as Gon slowly and carefully pushed him back onto the wooden dock. They were still kissing, the warm feel of Killua’s lips on his enough to make Gon’s heart skip along his ribcage. Gon wanted to always be like this, holding Killua and feeling him respond in kind, never having to come up for air. He wished he could talk directly into Killua’s mouth and have him understand Gon’s every word. If curses were real, could telepathy exist, too? Maybe Gon could learn it just so he could continue talking to Killua while kissing the air out of his lungs.

Killua’s blue eyes were hazy when Gon pulled back. His silver hair was spread in a halo around his head against the wood and his mouth hung open in a small ‘o’. The dazed way Killua looked at Gon sent a throb of _want_ through him all the way to his core. He swallowed thickly as he hovered over Killua, heat curling in his gut. How could he ever hope to resist Killua when he looked like this?

“Gon?” Killua murmured, tone dreamlike. “What— _oh.”_

He gasped quietly as Gon’s lips grazed the soft skin of Killua’s neck. Gon grinned, head tucked into the curve of Killua’s shoulder. He wanted to hear that noise again and again and _again_. 

“Is this okay?”

“Wh-What?”

“This.” Gon kissed Killua’s neck and was awarded with another shuddering breath. “Is it okay?”

“Y-Yes…”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to force you—”

“I said _yes,_ Gon!”

Gon smirked, hands drifting to rest on either side of Killua’s head. Perfect. 

“I think...your curse has to do with the daytime,” Gon whispered against Killua’s throat and watched, thrilled, as goosebumps rose across Killua’s skin. “It has to be. I’ve never seen you in your human form when the sun was out but I’ve seen you as both a swan and a human at night. So, you have to turn into a swan for the day, but there’s a condition for you to be a human at night.”

He leaned back to take in the heavily flushed look on Killua’s face. He smirked at the sight of Killua’s enlarged pupils, how only a sliver of blue remained. “Am I right? Ki-llu-a?”

Killua swallowed, and there was the sound of nails scraping on wood. “M-Mostly.”

Gon hummed. Okay. Mostly was good. “I’ll take that,” he said before diving in for another kiss.

Killua’s eyes fluttered closed just before their lips touched. Cool arms wrapped around Gon’s neck and Gon burned where Killua’s fingertips touched him. He wanted to be closer. He wanted to hear more of Killua’s quiet sighs and surprised gasps. He wanted to feel pale skin warm under his touch. He wanted to memorize the shape of Killua’s body pressed against his just so he could replay this moment in his mind once he was alone again. He wanted Killua _so badly_ , even more than he wanted to find Ging or explore the world. He’d never experienced want like this before. 

“Y-You’re only miss—missing one thing,” Killua mumbled between kisses. Gon hummed in confirmation, running his fingers through silky soft hair. He could feel Killua’s heart racing where their chests pressed together and he smiled into Killua’s mouth.

It was addicting, being this close to Killua. He didn’t know how he was going to say goodbye tonight.

“What—” _kiss_ “—thing?” 

Killua’s shoulders shook and his lips curled—was Killua laughing?

Gon pulled back with a grin. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” Killua was smirking up at him, his blue eyes full of stars. “Just—you won’t let me talk.”

“Well, kissing is a lot more fun than talking.”

“But if we keep kissing, we’ll never finish our conversation.”

“But if we keep kissing, we get to keep kissing,” Gon said very seriously and Killua tipped his head back with a loud laugh.

“You really like kissing me that much, huh?” Killua asked in a teasing tone, hands drifting to squeeze Gon’s arms.

“It’s the best thing in the world.”

Killua rolled his eyes, cheeks darkening a bit. “Smooth. But, still—" Killua reached out and flicked Gon on the forehead. Gon sat back on Killua’s thighs with a surprised yelp, hand flying to the spot Killua had whacked him.

“Focus,” Killua said firmly. “The condition to turn me into a swan. What do you think it is? You have to have some idea.”

Gon pouted and lowered his arm. He hadn’t gotten to that part, yet. Yes, he’d seen Killua at night in both forms. But what was different about the nights Killua appeared as a swan? Was it the weather, the day of the month? Was it the position of the stars or something else entirely?

“Gon. You’re thinking about this too hard. I can practically see the steam coming out of your ears. ”

Gon huffed. “Yeah, well, it’s hard to figure out! If you could only just tell me—”

“But I can’t,” Killua said, cutting him off. “Just—Just focus, Gon. Okay? Look at me. And focus.”

There was something oddly intense about Killua’s phrasing. Gon lowered his gaze to Killua’s face, really, _really_ looking at him, and Killua’s blue eyes met his.

Killua’s stare was hard as ice, piercing as a moonbeam. He gazed at Gon as if he held the secrets of the universe and Gon stared back, waiting. Killua said to focus. So that’s what he would do.

And sure enough, Killua’s eyes drifted. His gaze shifted ever so subtly to something above Gon’s head. Gon turned, following his line of sight to—

The moon.

The air left Gon’s lungs. Oh. Of course.

“Get it now?”

“The moon,” Gon said as he looked back to Killua. Killua’s smile was wide and beaming. “The moon turns you back into a human. That’s why you couldn’t meet me when there was a storm or the sky was cloudy, because the moon wasn’t out. And when the moon sets again and the sun rises...you turn back to a swan?”

Killua looked happy enough to burst. “See? I said you were brilliant.”

He surged up, grabbing Gon’s face and smashing their lips together. Gon made a surprised sound in the back of his throat. Killua kissed him with a giddy vigor, nails digging into Gon’s cheeks. He kissed Gon like he had already broken his curse and given back his freedom. It made Gon wonder, how long had Killua been waiting for someone to discover the curse he was under? How long had he suffered, alone and isolated from the rest of the world?

 _It doesn’t matter,_ Gon decided as he closed his eyes and returned Killua kiss with equal enthusiasm. It didn’t matter, because Gon was here now. He had all the pieces to help Killua, he just needed to figure out how to break Killua’s curse. And then this dark part of Killua’s life would be over. 

But just as Gon wrapped his arms around Killua’s waist and started to deepen the kiss, Killua cried out.

Gon pulled away, startled, as Killua’s body sagged in his arms. “K-Killua?”

He quickly lowered Killua onto the hard wood of the deck before leaning over him. Killua was moaning and gasping for air, his fingers clawing at his forehead.

“Killua?!” Gon said shrilly. Icy panic spread through his veins. What was going on? Had Gon hurt him somehow?

He grabbed Killua’s wrists and tried pulling Killua’s hands away from his face. He had to see what had hurt Killua, why he was in pain—but Killua wasn’t letting Gon see, he wasn’t budging—

Gon gritted his teeth and tugged harder. “Killua, _please,_ you have to lower your—”

“No,” Killua whimpered. His eyes were screwed shut, lips turned down in a deep grimace. “N-No, please, it _hurts!”_

“I know it does, I know, but please, I can’t help you until you let me see what’s hurting you! Killua, c’mon, _please_ —”

Gon wrapped his hands around Killua’s and gently, but forcibly, started to pull Killua’s hands down. Killua fought him at every second, twisting and turning. He didn’t show any sign that he knew who Gon was or where they were or what they were doing before now.

But _why?_ Why had Killua been happy and content one second then feverish and in agonized pain the next? What had _changed?_

Killua sobbed as Gon finally succeeded in pinning his arms to the deck. Gon panted heavily and hovered over his friend, making sure to keep a tight grip on Killua’s wrists. Now he could finally see what Killua had been so agitated about.

But there was nothing.

Gon blinked as shock washed over him. No cuts dotted Killua’s face, no bruises were blemishing his pale skin. There was no sign of any injury at all except for some red irritation at the top of Killua’s forehead right along his hairline. Was that spot where the pain was coming from?

Gon reached out with a shaking hand. Maybe if he touched it—?

_“AHH!”_

Gon snatched his arm back as if burned. The wail Killua had made when Gon’s fingers grazed the spot was nothing short of full-blown torutre. That spot _had_ to be the source of Killua’s pain, but there was no way for Gon to examine it unless he was willing to put Killua through terrible pain. And he wasn’t willing to do that _ever_.

Gon clenched his jaw. He stared down at his shaking friend, how Killua rocked back and forth on the deck between quiet whines and moans. Killua was so blinded by his own pain he didn’t know what was going on and Gon didn’t know how to help him. Gon couldn’t even take Killua to a hospital because…because he had a feeling this wasn’t a physical injury.

So Gon did the only thing he could think of. He laid on the wooden dock beside Killua, pulled him to his chest in a tight hug. Killua’s skin was unnaturally cold to the touch, his entire body shaking and trembling. He struggled in Gon’s embrace and weakly pushed at Gon’s arms. But Gon refused to let him go. He just held Killua and bit down on his tongue until he tasted blood.

It was maddening, this helplessness. Hot fury washed over him in waves as seconds passed with nothing but the sound of Killua’s heavy breathing and quiet whimpers. Gon turned his face into Killua’s soft hair, trying to quell his burning anger. 

Something had to have happened to make Killua suffer so acutely. Gon was sure of it. What could have been the trigger, though? Had it been whatever they were doing before Killua started convulsing? He remembered Killua’s soft lips and the imprint of his smile on Gon’s mouth…

But, no. They’d kissed all last night. Kissing couldn’t have caused whatever _this_ was or else Killua would have been in pain yesterday too.

Maybe Killua’s pain was activated by what they were _talking_ about instead of what they were doing?

Gon went cold and his arms tightened around Killua. That would make the most sense—that talking about the curse would activate some unknown factor Killua didn’t know about. Killua had never talked to anyone about the curse before Gon, so he wouldn’t have known about this consequence.

Gon lifted one arm and touched Killua’s jaw with his fingertips, gently turning his face to Gon’s. Killua’s expression was scrunched up and his lips twisted in a grimace. The rage in Gon’s chest swelled, overflowing like a volcano, and he saw red. 

That had to be it. Killua had revealed too much about the curse and Illumi had taken preliminary measures to make sure he would be punished for it.

“Don’t worry, Killua,” Gon whispered, voice trembling slightly. “It’ll be okay. I promise. Once you return to normal, we’ll find a way to break this curse. And then you’ll never be in pain like this ever again.”

Killua merely whined, eyes squeezed shut. He hadn’t heard Gon, clearly. But that was okay. Because Gon made a promise—and he never went back on a promise, even if it wasn’t a pinky promise.

Gon pressed his forehead to Killua’s clammy one, letting his own eyes close. Even if he somehow couldn’t break Killua’s curse…that was okay, too. Because then Gon would just find Illumi and break him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/14/2021
> 
> Soooooo you all got more killugon kisses....but at what cost lol? XD
> 
> This chapter was also a bit harder to edit than the earlier chapters? I think it's because we're past the set up stage of the fic and now firmly in the 'everything is coming together so all the details better be right' stage lol XD We actually only have three more updates not including this one before the fic is over. I'm going to be so sad when I post the last chapter aaaaaaaaaahhhhh :((((
> 
> But thankfully we still have a few more updates until we get to the end! Thank you to everyone who has given this fic so much love the past few weeks it has been an absolute joy to read all the comments and hear all of your thoughts ^-^ I wish you all a very healthy and happy Valentine's Day may your days be filled with love and joy <3
> 
> Thank you as always to my beta reader xyliane! I shall see you all next week!  
>  [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)  
> [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	13. missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon left early that night to visit Killua. His eyes burned as he pedaled his usual path to the lake and his limbs were heavy like lead. He’d rested all day, but he didn’t feel any better than he had waking up on the dock that morning. 
> 
> He reached the gate in record time. Killua wasn’t there yet, but Gon didn’t let that bother him. The last traces of sunlight were still fading in the sky so maybe Killua hadn’t transformed yet. He needed the moonlight, right? And the moon wasn’t out yet.
> 
> So Gon sat on the lake shore, eating the dinner he’d packed in advance, and waited.
> 
> And waited.
> 
> And waited.

“Gon— _Gon!_ Wake up.”

Gon blinked drearily. He could make out a familiar yet fuzzy shape of someone standing above him. Was it Aunt Mito?

“’M up,” Gon slurred. He threw out an arm to push off his blankets but was surprised when he was met with hard wood instead. Someone grabbed his outstretched hand and helped him sit up.

Gon blinked again as the world came into focus. He wasn’t home in his bed on Whale Island. No, instead he was on the dock stretching out from Kite’s research facility. The morning sunlight warmed his skin and burned his cheeks. His body ached, a physical reminder he had slept the night outside.

Gon went rigid. Wait. He’d _slept out here._ Because Killua was—

“Wait, Gon, _relax._ You’re okay, you’re fine.”

A cold hand grabbed his shoulder and forced him to stay down. Gon turned, a growl starting deep in his throat. But that snarl died as he saw Kite’s tired face looking back at him.

“K-Kite,” Gon stammered. “What are you—?”

“You didn’t come home last night, Gon.” Kite’s grip on him tightened. “What happened? I was worried.”

Guilt churned in Gon’s gut as he took in the dark circles under Kite’s grey eyes and the paleness in his cheeks. He’d been more than worried, by the looks of it. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Something happened with Killua, and I couldn’t leave—”

_Honk._

Gon stiffened. He whirled around at the sound, heart clenching painfully because he knew what it meant and he wished it didn’t.

But sure enough, Killua stood just a few steps away at the end of the dock. He had reverted back into his swan form, white feathers gleaming in the early light as he stared at Gon. That form meant Gon couldn’t ask him how he was feeling or if he’d recovered from the torment he’d suffered through last night.

Gon swallowed thickly. He must have drifted into accidental sleep sometime during the night. When had Killua overcome whatever spell he’d suffered through? Was it before he transformed or after?

Shifting closer, Gon reached out. “Killua—”

A flutter of wings and Gon pulled away, wincing. There was a light wind on his face and the sound of flapping filled his ears. When Gon opened his eyes again, Killua was flying low across the lake. Gon watched him go with a sinking feeling in his gut. 

“Gon,” Kite began quietly. “What were you doing with the swan? Where’s Killua?”

Gon looked to his mentor. “What do you mean?”

“The swan was waiting at the entrance of the research facility when I arrived. He was the one who led me to the dock where I found you alone, fast asleep.”

Gon’s eyes widened. Killua had made sure Gon was taken care of before leaving? The thought caused warmth to bloom in his chest.

 _"Gon,”_ Kite said again, a bit more forcibly, and Gon bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t tell Kite everything—what if his explanation had some negative effect on Killua like what happened last night? Gon wouldn’t risk that. He refused to.

“Killua fell sick last night,” he said carefully. “I stayed and tried to make him feel better but I…I fell asleep. I don’t remember anything else.”

Kite studied Gon, as if trying to sense any lies. Gon simply returned his gaze. He was too tired to feign innocence like he might under normal circumstances. His eyes were heavy and his head throbbed with a dull headache. He hadn’t gotten a full night's sleep since moving here but a restless night on a wooden dock was much worse than a few stolen hours in his warm bed at Kite’s home.

Finally, Kite sighed. He squeezed Gon’s shoulder once more before extending a hand. “Let’s go.”

“Go where?” Gon asked curiously, slipping his hand into Kite’s.

Kite grunted as he pulled Gon up. “Home. You don’t look well enough to work today.”

Gon‘s jaw dropped. “What? But—”

“No buts. You said so yourself, you slept on the dock. That doesn’t sound like very peaceful sleep, Gon. You need rest.”

“What about Killua?”

“The swan or the person?”

“The swan,” Gon said quickly, jogging a bit to keep up with Kite’s long strides as they walked back down the dock and towards the research facility. “I have to visit him for your samples!”

But Kite was already shaking his head. “I can visit him today. You need sleep, Gon. Not work.”

Gon opened his mouth, ready to protest some more, but Kite cut him off.

“You can’t visit Killua tonight if you don’t feel well,” Kite said firmly. “Besides, you haven’t had a day off since you arrived here. Just take this opportunity to regain your strength.”

Gon shut his mouth with a frown. Kite wasn’t wrong, but he also didn’t know that by taking measurements of the blue-eyed swan that Gon would technically be visiting Killua anyway. By going to work, Gon would get to see Killua twice—once during the day and again that night.

But Kite’s narrow-eyed stare told Gon he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

So Gon swallowed down his frustration, worry and exhaustion, and smiled instead. “Okay. I’ll rest today. Thank you, Kite.”

He could wait a few hours to see Killua. Taking a day off wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

**-o0o-**

Gon did as Kite asked. He napped during the day, falling in and out of sleep in phases. 

He mostly dreamed of Killua: Killua, clawing at his forehead until it was bloody and raw, tears running down his pale cheeks. A strange white light illuminated Killua’s hair until his silver curls stood jagged like bolts of lightning. And once that light faded, Gon woke up in cold sweat, chest shuddering as he stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. 

He left early that night to visit Killua. His eyes burned as he pedaled his usual path to the lake and his limbs were heavy like lead. He’d rested all day, but he didn’t feel any better than he had waking up on the dock that morning. 

Gon reached the gate in record time. Killua wasn’t there yet, but Gon didn’t let that bother him. The last traces of sunlight were still fading in the sky so maybe Killua hadn’t transformed yet. He needed the moonlight, right? And the moon wasn’t out yet.

So Gon sat on the lake shore, eating the dinner he’d packed in advance, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

**-o0o-**

_BANG!_

“Gon?” Kite called out as the back door slammed shut. Gon strode towards the sound of Kite’s voice, heartbeat loud in his ears as he passed through the kitchen into the living room. “What are you doing home so…”

Kite’s voice trailed off as he took in Gon’s expression. Gon didn’t know what kind of face he was making, but it must not be good if the sudden paleness in Kite’s cheeks was anything to go by.

Kite shut the book he’d been reading. “What happened, Gon? Is Killua alright?”

“I—I don’t know, he…” Gon was trembling and his head was pounding. The ring Killua had given him rested heavy on his finger. He couldn’t think, because Killua, he hadn’t, he _didn’t—_ “He never showed.”

Kite’s frown deepened. “Maybe you didn’t stay late enough?”

Gon was already shaking his head. “No. That can’t be it. Killua always shows, no matter what. He warned me the other times he couldn’t meet. He would have told me about tonight."

“Did you try calling him?"

“Killua doesn’t have a phone. I would have already texted him during the day, otherwise.”

Killua’s sudden spell of agony and his disappearance left a bad taste in Gon’s mouth, a heavy weight of dread growing in his stomach. The two events occurring so close together couldn’t be a coincidence. But if Killua showed up for measurements with Kite, then maybe he wasn’t missing for as long as Gon thought.

Gon looked at Kite sharply. “Did you get the swan’s measurements today?”

“I’m not sure how that—”

 _“Kite._ Please. Just tell me.”

Kite sighed. “No, he didn’t. But I don’t think your friend had anything to do with that. The swan doesn’t show up every single time.”

Gon heard Kite as if through a long tunnel. The words echoed in his ears, turning his blood to ice. He stared blankly at the carpet without seeing it.

Because if Killua hadn’t shown up for Kite’s measurements in the afternoon _or_ his visit with Gon tonight…then he’d been missing since this morning. But, why? Where could he have gone?

Gon turned on his heel. He walked back out of the living room and was halfway through the kitchen when a hand grabbed his wrist.

“Gon, wait,” Kite said and Gon bristled. “Didn’t you hear me?”

“…no.”

Kite had been talking? Well, it didn’t matter. Gon had to go, he had to—

“I asked, where are you going?”

“To find Killua.”

Kite’s grip tightened on his wrist. “At this time of night?”

Gon clenched his jaw, pushing down the urge to rip his hand out of Kite’s grasp. He had to remind himself this was Kite—Kite, who had given Gon everything to escape Whale Island. It was because of Kite that Gon had met Killua.

But every second Kite delayed him was another second Killua was missing.

“I’ve ridden the bike to the lake every night since I got here,” Gon reminded Kite as calmly as he could. 

“You had Killua waiting for you, before.”

“So?” 

“So, you promised me you wouldn’t go to the lake on your own alone.”

“Okay, then come with me.”

Kite made an exasperated sound in the back of his throat. “Gon. _Please_. We can’t go out in the dark like this, we’d never find him—”

“Well, we’re not finding him standing here, either!” Gon snapped and yanked his hand out of Kite’s hold. Kite’s nails scraped his skin, leaving shallow scratches, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything except finding Killua right now. “What if Killua’s in trouble? What if he needs my help? I can’t stay here knowing he’s out there—!”

_“Gon."_

Kite grabbed his shoulders and spun Gon around. Kite was tall and narrow, much like Killua, and he had to lean down to look Gon in the eye. Gon glared back, rage simmering under his skin and his fists trembling.

“Gon,” Kite said again, gentler this time, and Gon _hated_ the soothing tone in his voice. “Killua is strong. He knows this area better than you, he even knows it better than me. He’s never needed help for as long as I’ve been here.”

“Circumstances can change,” Gon bit out.

“They can. But Killua is a capable man, he can handle himself.”

Gon clenched his jaw. His nails were digging into his palms. For a moment, he couldn’t speak.

“If Killua doesn’t show tomorrow,” Gon said as steadily as he could manage. He could barely hear himself talk over the blood roaring in his ears. “Then we go out to look for him. Can you promise me that, Kite?”

Kite squeezed his shoulders. “I _promise_ , Gon. But I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.”

Gon nodded stiffly. He didn’t agree with Kite. Something was off, he just didn’t know what yet. But he couldn’t do anything about it with Kite paying such close attention to him. He’d have to wait until the morning to search for Killua again.

“I’m going to bed,” he said, shrugging off Kite’s hands. He moved past Kite and out of the kitchen. 

Kite didn’t respond. But Gon could feel Kite’s stare digging into his back all the way up the stairs.

**-o0o-**

Gon was up early the next day. He grabbed an apple on his way out the door and was on his bike pedaling to the lake before Kite’s alarm could go off. He didn’t stop at the research facility, but headed straight for the little boat at the end of their dock. Sunlight was just starting to hit the tips of the forest trees when he finally made it to the middle of the lake. 

And he waited there some more.

He didn’t know what he was expecting. He’d hoped with every ounce of his being that Killua would be waiting for him when he arrived, though the chances were slim, but Killua wasn’t here. And now, sitting with his knees tucked to his chest and his arms wrapped around his shins…Gon didn’t know what to think. Or do. Was waiting his only option? Was he somehow hurting Killua by not searching for him this very moment?

Gon let out a shuddering breath and pressed his forehead to his knees, squeezing his eyes shut. Trust Killua. That was what Kite had told him. It’s what Killua would ask him to do if he was here. He’d made Gon promise not to rush after him and risk unnecessary danger, after all. And Gon never went back on his promises, even if his stomach was churning and an uncomfortable prickling kept creeping up the back of his neck.

 _Trust Killua_ , Gon repeated to himself. That was all he could do right now.

**-o0o-**

Gon waited in his little boat in the middle of the lake for hours and hours, eyes straining for the smallest dot of white. The sun rose and fell, families came to the beach and left, the shadows grew short then lengthened. Gon’s stomach growled in complaint and his eyes burned and he still didn’t budge.

But Killua never showed.

Kite rushed out to meet him when Gon finally trudged into the research facility at closing time. He scolded Gon, telling him to at least come back and eat lunch next time, but Gon barely heard him. All he could focus on was Killua Killua _Killua_ —where was he, what was keeping him from visiting Gon? Was he hurt or trapped? Was he in danger?

He shoveled dinner down his throat with a gulp of water, ignoring Kite’s frown. In ten minutes he was back on his bike and pedaling to the lake again. And again, he waited with tired eyes and stiff limbs, leaning against the gate posts to the lake entrance.

And Killua still didn’t come.

**-o0o-**

“We have to go looking for him,” Gon told Kite when he pushed open Kite’s front door close to midnight.

Kite’s face was tight with worry. “Alright. First thing tomorrow, we’ll look.”

Gon bit his tongue until an iron taste filled his mouth. He didn’t _want_ to wait any more. He’d waited all day yesterday, all night, and again all day today. He wanted to go back out and search for Killua.

But he’d made promises—to both his friend and mentor—and he wouldn’t break them now.

“Okay,” he allowed. “First thing tomorrow, then. We’ll look for Killua.”

**-o0o-**

Gon and Kite woke before dawn the next day. The drive to the research facility was mostly silent, both too tired to speak. Gon pressed his forehead to the window, staring out at the world without really seeing. His eyes burned and anxious energy buzzed under his skin. This was the second day he hadn’t seen Killua.

“Where do you think he might be?” Kite asked him.

“I’m not sure,” Gon admitted. After all, a swan could fly anywhere. “But I know Killua lives in a mansion in the forest. He could have fallen or gotten hurt by there, maybe?”

Kite made a humming sound. “Then that’s where we’ll start.”

Gon didn’t respond. If Killua wasn’t in the forest, where would they look next? Killua never traveled into town. Gon didn’t even know how he got food—

A boney hand gripped Gon’s shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, Gon. We’ll find him.”

Gon squeezed his eyes shut, breathed out slow.

“Thank you, Kite.”

**-o0o-**

Hours passed. They made their way carefully through the forest, shouting Killua’s name until their throats were raw. The sun climbed high in the sky but they didn’t slow their search. True to his word, Kite walked with Gon every step of the way.

And Gon was grateful to him. So, so grateful. But he was also incredibly worried and running on a few fitful hours of sleep stretched over two days. His body protested every step he took, his exhaustion weighing him down like a palpable thing. He wanted this horrible stress to be gone.

But it wouldn’t be. Not until they found Killua.

“How much further do you think we should go?” Kite’s call reached Gon’s ears from several feet away. They’d spread out as they searched, keeping each other in their line of sight but moving far enough apart to cover more ground.

“How big is this forest?” Gon yelled back. Sweat dotted his brow, the summer heat intense even in near constant shade, and Gon wiped a hand across his forehead.

“Very big.”

“How far can we make it after a day of walking?”

“Not far enough to cover the whole area.”

Gon let out a short breath. “And how many days do you think we would need to cover the whole thing?” 

“Many days. And possibly a helicopter.”

_“Kite—”_

“I’m being honest, Gon. The lake is surrounded by forests and mountains and the mountains are covered by forests, too. It would take a full search party.”

“Are you saying we should give up?!”

“No, I’m not saying that at all—"

Something bright caught the corner of Gon’s eye. He quickly turned to it, squinting. Sunlight poured through an open space between the tree branches overhead and illuminated the ground like a spotlight.

And there was something white laying on the forest floor.

Gon’s breath stuck in his throat. Time froze and his ears rang.

Was that—could it be—?

Gon rushed forward, not caring if bushes tore at his clothes or if he got hit in the face with a stray branch as he ran. He stopped just before the clearing. His chest heaved, a metallic taste in his mouth. All sound fell away because…

Because it _was_ Killua. Killua, laying still on the forest floor with his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling feebly. Killua in his swan form, looking as graceful and beautiful as ever, but with one of his wings bent at an unnatural angle.

Gon stared. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe. All he could think was Killua Killua Killua _Killua—_

“Gon? What’s....”

Kite’s voice trailed off as he stopped next to Gon. Gon hadn’t heard him approach, too preoccupied with his discovery.

“What do we do?” Gon’s voice shook. Why wasn’t Killua moving? Why wasn’t he awake? “Is he—Is he alright?”

Kite crouched down, gently touching Killua’s wing. Killua couldn’t cry out or wince in his swan from but he did let out a feeble honk, shifting away from Kite’s touch.

Kite withdrew his hand. “We need to bring him back to the facility. I can fully examine him there.”

“Can I carry him?”

Kite looked at Gon over his shoulder, eyebrow arched. “If you wish.”

Gon knelt next to his fallen friend, gathering Killua in his arms. He was careful not to jostle his injured wing or aggravate any other injuries he might have. But Killua didn’t react to Gon’s touch. He just continued to breathe shallowly with his head resting against Gon’s chest.

A surge of fierce protectiveness rose in Gon. He bowed his head, letting the feeling wash over him. It took all his willpower not to crush Killua in a hug.

He would take care of Killua. As his friend and…whatever it was they were to each other, he would help him. No matter what.

**-o0o-**

Gon’s head lifted at the sound of the research facility door opening. He was on his feet and moving towards Kite a second later.

“What’s happening? Is he okay?” Gon demanded.

“Yes,” Kite said slowly, though he sounded wary, and Gon frowned. “He’s doing much better now.”

“What do you mean?”

Kite held up his hand. There was something small clasped between his fingers. “He had this embedded in his shoulder. This made it impossible for him to move and get the necessary food and shelter he needed to recover from the injury done to his wing.”

Gon held out his hand. Kite placed the object in his palm and Gon stared.

“A needle?”

Kite nodded. “Yes. It must have been causing him a great amount of pain. He began moving the moment I removed it.”

Gon lowered his gaze to the needle. It was tiny, maybe the length of Gon’s pinky, and thin as the width of a paper. How had _this_ ended up in Killua’s shoulder? He couldn’t have gotten it from anything in the forest.

“And how is his wing?” Gon asked, holding the needle up to the sun and turning it this way and that. It glinted in the light along with the green gem on his ring.

“Some bones are fractured, but they should heal normally now the needle is removed.”

Gon lowered his arm again, mind racing. “Killua’s never gotten hurt before. Has he?”

Kite quirked an eyebrow. “Killua, the swan? Or your friend, Killua?”

“Oh, er—the swan?”

“In that case, no. I don’t believe he’s ever been wounded in the time I’ve spent here.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird he got hurt all of a sudden?” Gon pressed. “And that this thing was in his arm?”

Kite folded his arms. “What are you suggesting?”

“What if…” Gon chewed on his bottom lip. How could he say this without it sounding crazy? “What if someone deliberately targeted him? What if his arm got hurt because a person out there was trying to capture him, and then put this—” he held up the needle “—in his body because he resisted?”

Kite was already shaking his head. “I’m not sure how likely that is, Gon. He might be a special swan, but he is just a swan. There’s no reason for anyone to attack him specifically.”

Gon swallowed his arguments and lowered his gaze to the dock’s wooden planking. There were plenty of reasons for Killua to be targeted. If Kite knew Killua the swan and Killua the person were one in the same, he would be just as suspicious as Gon. He would wonder, just like Gon, who could want to hurt Killua? And he would come to the same conclusion—that this had to be the work of the Zoldycks. Killua had told Gon too much about his curse and now they were coming to punish him somehow. It was the only explanation that made sense.

But if the Zoldycks had gotten close enough to hurt Killua in his swan form, where were they now? Lurking in the shadows, watching Kite and Gon from afar? Had Killua gotten hurt because he no longer had the protection from his sister’s ring? If that was the case, was Killua really safe here at the research facility or should he be moved somewhere else?

“Would you like to go see him?” Kite asked and Gon’s heart jumped into his throat.

“You mean he’s awake? It’s okay if he has visitors?”

“As long as you don’t jump on top of him, I don’t see why not.”

Adrenaline coursed through Gon’s veins. He threw his arms around Kite and squeezed him in a bruising hug.

 _“Thank you_ , Kite.”

A bony hand patted his back awkwardly. “Of course, Gon. And I promise, tomorrow we will continue looking for your friend.”

Gon leaned back, blinking. His friend? What—oh. Kite was talking about Killua. But Gon didn’t want to go anywhere now that Killua was actually here, at the research facility.

“Gon?” Kite prompted and Gon stepped away with a forced grin.

“That’d be great. Thank you for all your help Kite, I really appreciate it.”

Kite gave him a small smile and nodded. Gon handed the needle back over before racing past him and towards the research facility door.

 _Killua._ Gon was finally going to see Killua. 

**-o0o-**

Killua was awake and locked in a cage when Gon entered. He stirred, lifting his head to look towards the door and Gon’s breath caught in his throat as he saw those familiar blue eyes. It really was him. Killua let out a squawk in recognition, sitting up in a flurry of feathers, and Gon rushed to his side.

“Killua!” Gon gasped and pressed as close to Killua as possible. He couldn’t touch much of Killua through the cage bars—just the tips of his fingers brushed Killua’s soft feathers—but it was enough. Because Killua was here, alive and well, and Gon couldn’t be more grateful.

Gon leaned against the cage and Killua mimicked him, curving his neck so their foreheads touched. Gon’s throat tightened. His eyes stung. He sucked in a shuddering breath, overcome by an indescribable emotion. 

“I was so worried,” Gon croaked. “I was so, _so_ worried, Killua. What happened? Who did this? I know it wasn’t your fault.”

Killua glanced at his bandaged wing. He couldn’t talk, Gon knew, but he wanted to at least try to get some information. It was dangerous, not knowing what had happened or what might come next.

But Killua wasn’t giving him anything to go on. He just shuffled his wings slightly and gave a shake of his head.

Gon breathed out low and let go of the cage. “I know someone did this to you, Killua. I know you wouldn’t have left for two days without warning me and I know you wouldn't hurt yourself, not even by accident. So, for now you have to heal, but later—we’ll figure out how to best protect you. Okay? I promise.”

Killua stared back with those impossibly blue eyes of his and, for a moment, Gon thought he might be smiling.

**-o0o-**

“Gon,” came the low call of Kite’s voice. “Are you ready to go home? It’s getting dark outside.”

“Mm…” Gon hummed absent-mindedly, his gaze trained on his notebook while sticking his hand through the cage bars to poke at Killua. He wasn’t entirely paying attention to the notes he’d scribbled down over the course of the afternoon. Most of it was illegible anyway so he’d have to rewrite them at some point or maybe even type them—

A beak closed sharply at his fingers and Gon winced. “Ow, Killua!” he whined. “That was mean!”

Killua made a honking noise and nipped at Gon again. But Gon was quicker this time, yanking his hand back at the last second. Killua’s beak closed on thin air and Gon laughed.

“Gon?”

“Huh?” Gon looked towards the sound of his name. Kite was standing there in the doorway, just as he had the night Gon first saw Killua transform. His bag was around his shoulders and his cap was on his head.

Kite’s eyes darted between Gon and Killua. “Are you ready to leave?”

Gon’s smile fell. Oh. Right. It was the end of the day. He glanced at Killua and Killua’s blue eyes looked back at him. Killua didn’t make a sound, didn’t move a single muscle to give his thoughts away, but Gon already knew his answer.

“You go on ahead,” Gon said to Kite, keeping his stare on Killua. “I’m gonna stay here for a while.”

There was a heavy sigh from the doorway. “Gon, you staying here won’t help him heal faster. You need rest— _both_ of you.”

“I know. But I want to stay with him for a little while longer.”

“How much longer is a little while longer?”

Gon didn’t answer. He heard Kite sigh again.

“Okay, I understand. I’ll lock the door behind me, just don’t leave the research facility unless it’s to come back home. And tomorrow morning we can search for your friend again.”

Gon nodded. “Right. Thanks, Kite.”

Gon waited until he heard the front door shut before closing his notebook and setting it to the side. He wouldn’t be needing it for the rest of the night. Then he crossed his arms on the table, resting his chin on his forearms as he stared at Killua. Killua stared back with unnaturally focused blue eyes. He was sitting very still.

“Don’t worry,” Gon whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you all night. I won’t leave you, Killua.”

He reached through the cage to stroke white feathers. Killua hadn’t moved at Gon’s declaration, but as Gon continued to caress him, he started to relax. 

Gon smiled. His heart ached, seeing Killua in pain and stuck in this cage as a swan. He probably wouldn’t be able to transform into a human tonight since he wasn’t on the lake but that was okay. Gon would be here to keep Killua company through his healing and then Gon would help Killua overcome whoever had hurt him. And then Gon would somehow break Killua’s curse once and for all and they could finally be happy together forever. 

“It’s okay, Killua,” he murmured as Killua rubbed his head against Gon’s fingers. “I’m here. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/21/2021
> 
> We are very quickly approaching the climax of this story....as well as the ending :,) Only two more updates to go until this fic is complete! Next chapter will be pretty long though this chapter was longer than I remember it being? This chapter is nearly 5k words which is wild. Not much killugon occurred in this update but everything in here is important for setting up what happens next. I hope you all enjoyed this update despite it mostly being Kite and Gon bonding ^-^
> 
> Thank you to xyliane for beta'ing this whole fic in one go! She's amazing. And thank you to you amazing readers for the wonderful feedback and love on this fic it's been an absolute joy hearing from you on this journey!
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	14. strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just a second!” Gon called. He twisted the last lock and threw open the door, panting—
> 
> But no one was there. 
> 
> Gon stared. How...but someone had just been knocking. Right? Where was the knocker?
> 
> Gon stuck his head outside and cautiously glanced around the empty driveway. The research facility was practically on the lake’s beach—there were no nearby bushes to hide in or trees to cower behind. Had the stranger gone swimming?
> 
> It didn’t really matter. Gon wasn’t here to chase after some random caller. He was here for Killua and he’d only left his side to answer the door. Now that was over, Gon could return to him. 
> 
> So Gon shut the front door and relocked the locks. He quickly walked to the back room where Killua was waiting for him. 
> 
> “Killua, you won’t believe it,” he said as he crossed the doorframe. “There wasn’t anyone—”
> 
> Gon stopped short. The world narrowed as he took in the sight before him—an open window, an empty room, an empty cage with no Killua inside. There was no sign Killua had been here at all, in fact, except for a coating of swan feathers on the floor of his cage. 
> 
> _No._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's some violence and hints of abuse in this chapter.

_Knock-knock-knock!_

Gon sat up. That sound—it was coming from the front door. But who would be knocking at the research facility door at this time of night? 

_Knock-knock-knock!_

The knocking was more insistent now. Gon glanced at Killua, who was wide eyed and shrunken into the corner of his cage. He was trembling. 

Gon reached through the cage and stroked Killua’s head. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m just going to tell them to leave. I’ll be right back—”

But Killua squawked loudly as Gon pulled away. He flung himself at the cage door and tried twisting through the bars, flapping his wings and sending white feathers everywhere. 

“Killua— _Killua,_ stop!” Gon cried. He tried reaching out to Killua, but his friend only snapped his beak at him. “Killua, it’ll be _fine_ , I’m just checking to see who it is! I won’t be gone for long!”

But Killua didn’t stop. If anything, his struggling increased. The sight left a sinking feeling in Gon’s gut. It made sense why Killua was against Gon leaving him—he was scared to be alone again and abandoned. But Gon hadn’t abandoned him, wouldn’t _ever_ abandon him. He was going to answer the door, turn whoever this midnight guest was away, and he would be back before Killua knew it. 

So Gon turned his back on Killua. He rushed to the front of the building, his footsteps loud and echoing throughout the rooms. He would make this quick. He wouldn’t be away from Killua for longer than a minute. 

Gon reached the door and fumbled with the locks. There was no peak hole, so he would have to open it to see who this midnight guest was. 

_Knock-knock-knock!_

“Just a second!” Gon called. He twisted the last lock and threw open the door, panting—

But no one was there. 

Gon stared. How...but someone _had_ just been knocking. Right? Where was the knocker?

Gon stuck his head outside and cautiously glanced around the empty driveway. The research facility was practically on the lake’s beach—there were no nearby bushes to hide in or trees to cower behind. Had the stranger gone swimming?

It didn’t really matter. Gon wasn’t here to chase after some random caller. He was here for Killua and he’d only left his side to answer the door. Now that was over, Gon could return to him. 

So Gon shut the front door and relocked the locks. He quickly walked to the back room where Killua was waiting for him. 

“Killua, you won’t believe it,” he said as he crossed the doorframe. “There wasn’t anyone—”

Gon stopped short. The world narrowed as he took in the sight before him—an open window, an empty room, an empty cage with no Killua inside. There was no sign Killua had been here at all, in fact, except for a coating of swan feathers on the floor of his cage. 

_No._

Gon raced to the open window. The back door was double locked when Gon left, the window was the only way anyone could have got in and out. He leaned over the window ledge and desperately scanned the beach. 

Please. _Please_. There had to be something—anything—footprints, or—or—

_There._

Gon sucked in a sharp breath, fingers digging into the windowsill. A tall figure stood in the shallows of the lake. A very familiar tall figure with a mess of silver hair. 

_Killua._

Gon jumped out the window. The impact of his feet hitting the ground sent twin bolts of pain up his legs but Gon didn’t stop, didn’t pause. He raced down the sand at record speed, pumping his arms and keeping his gaze locked on his friend. 

“Killua!” he burst out as he stumbled to stop at the edge of the lake. Killua turned, looking at Gon with those perfect blue eyes, and Gon nearly sobbed in relief. 

“Gon—”

Killua grunted as Gon threw his arms around him. They stumbled backwards together into the lake water but Gon didn’t let go. He refused to let go. The tight knot of terror loosened with the familiar feel of Killua in his arms and Gon let out a shaky sigh. Thank goodness. Killua was alright. He felt a little colder than normal, but he was standing in a lake in the middle of the night. That was to be expected. 

“Gon?” Killua murmured and Gon squeezed him tighter. 

“I was so scared when I saw you weren’t in the cage,” Gon croaked. “I was so, _so_ scared, Killua. I thought someone had taken you!”

Killua laughed—but it was different from his usual boisterous and obnoxious laughter. This time he was quiet, reserved. Awkward and stiff.

“But I’m absolutely fine. Who could have taken me? There’s no one on this lake but the two of us.”

Gon frowned and pulled back, keeping his hands on Killua’s shoulders. Killua was looking at him quizzically—almost like he really didn’t know who might be after him. But that was ridiculous, Killua knew better than Gon how much of a threat his family was.

“Someone like your brother?” Gon suggested and one of Killua’s eye twitched. “Or whoever hurt you yesterday? I know I’m acting a little paranoid but I was really worried, Killua. Don’t run off without telling me. Okay?”

Killua gave him a thin smile. “I’ll remember that. Thank you, Gon.”

Gon couldn’t bring himself to smile back. The way Killua was talking...maybe Gon _was_ being paranoid, but Killua seemed a little off. Nothing he’d said was out of the ordinary, but he didn’t sound like himself. He was talking too formally and it was weirding Gon out a little. 

But it was silly of Gon to read so much into Killua’s phrasing. Killua was tired and hurt. It made sense that the pain and stress from his wound would cause him to act differently than normal.

Gon glanced down and did a double take. 

“Gon?” Killua asked as Gon grabbed Killua’s right arm. “What are you doing?”

“Your injury—it’s healed!”

And sure enough, it was. There was no cut, no scar, not even a sign of the bandages Kite had wound so tightly around Killua’s wing. It was as if Killua had never gotten injured at all. 

Gon looked up. Killua was staring blankly at his own arm as if he had never seen it before. “Does your transformation also heal any wounds you have?” Gon asked curiously. Killua had never gotten hurt since Gon met him. Not that Gon had seen, at least. Maybe this was why?

“...yes,” Killua said after a pause. “It does.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good! You should have told me sooner. Now we know if you get hurt we just have to wait until night for you to be fully healed.”

Gon took Killua’s hand and began to pull him towards Kite’s research facility. “C’mon, lets go inside. You’re probably hungry, right? I think there’s some leftover soup from yesterday’s lunch I can reheat if you— _ah.”_

Gon paused with a wince, his feet still in the lake’s water. Sharp pin pricks of pain were digging into Gon’s hand. Gon glanced over his shoulder and surprise washed over him. Killua was gripping Gon like a lifeline, his nails digging into Gon’s skin. 

Slowly, Gon raised his gaze to meet Killua’s. Killua wore a strange expression, skin pale as the moon and blue eyes dull. There were no emotions on his face despite his tight grip on Gon’s hand. He just looked...empty. 

“Killua?” Gon said hesitantly, stomach twisting. “What’s wrong—?”

“Do you love me?”

Gon blinked. Then blinked again. 

“Wh-What?”

“Do you love me?”

Hearing the question a second time did nothing to quell Gon’s shock. Killua was the epitome of embarrassment. He couldn’t kiss Gon’s cheek without being reduced to a stammering, blushing mess. And that was okay—Gon loved that part of Killua, just like he loved every other part of him. 

But where was the shy and easily flustered side of Killua now?

Gon frowned. “Why are you asking me that? You know how much I care about you.”

Killua’s nails dug deeper into Gon’s wrist and Gon let out a quiet hiss. 

“Ah— _ow._ Killua, you’re hurting me—”

“Just tell me you love me,” Killua snapped, the blankness from earlier vanishing. The sudden and intense irritation from his friend—and the out of character request—left Gon reeling and, even more than that, frustrated and upset.

Why was Killua demanding Gon say he loved him? It was cold and rude and not like Killua at all. Something was wrong. Very, _very_ wrong. 

Gon yanked his hand out of Killua’s grasp. It hurt—Killua’s nails left streaks of red across the top of his skin—but Killua didn’t flinch. His expression didn’t change, not even when Gon snapped at him, “What’s going on, Killua? Why are you acting so weird? Why—?”

Gon stopped. Killua was still furious, shoulders hunched and blue eyes narrowed. But Gon wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at the lake just past Killua’s pinched face—which was empty like the night sky, as dark as a black hole with no moon to illuminate it. 

Tonight was a new moon.

Chills ran down Gon’s arms. A new moon meant there was no moon, no moonlight, no transformation. The first time Killua couldn’t meet up with Gon after they’d become friends was because it had been a new moon. He’d been stuck as a swan that night, Gon had even seen him swimming on the lake.

If Killua couldn’t transform during a new moon, then he was still a swan. And if he was still a swan…

...then who was _this_ Killua in front of him?

Gon looked back to the imposter. “Where’s Killua?”

The anger on not-Killua’s face froze. He didn’t move, didn’t speak. It didn’t even look like he was breathing.

Gon took a step forward, hands curling into fists. “Where. Is. Killua?”

“I am Killua—”

 _“No, you’re not!”_ Gon snarled. “Don’t lie! I don’t know who you are or why you’re doing this, but you’re not Killua. You don’t talk like him, you don’t act like him—you’re _not_ him. Tell me where he is!”

The not-Killua opened his mouth. But this time, it wasn’t Killua’s voice that came out. This voice was one Gon had never heard before. “My, my. Aren’t you the perceptive one.”

The not-Killua bended and swayed. His expression twisted. Gon gasped as the creature turned see-through and collapsed in a puddle of water. Gon leapt backwards, nearly tripping over his feet in his haste. His heart raced. He gaped at the ripples in the water where the not-Killua had stood mere seconds before. 

What was all that? Gon was new to magic, but it almost looked as if...as if the not-Killa had been made of _water_. Was that possible?

Something flickered in the shallows of the lake. Gon slowly knelt down, dipping his hand into the water and carefully running his fingers over the sandy bottom until he touched something solid and unnaturally smooth. He stood and uncurled his fist to see what lay in his palm. The object was thin and long, pointed at one end and sharp enough to pierce skin. 

It was a needle. _Another_ needle, almost identical to the one Kite had pulled out of Killua’s arm. 

Gon stared at the needle, blood turning cold. This was bad. This was so, _so_ bad, so much worse than he could have feared. That imitation Killua was made by the same person that hurt Killua earlier, this needle proved it. That person must have been the one who kidnapped Killua from the research facility. 

But, the real Killua— _where was he?_

There was a squawk behind him. Gon stiffened and spun around, the needle falling from his hands. 

“Killua!” he cried.

Because it was Killua, the _real_ Killua, still in his bird form like Gon had guessed. He was struggling, writhing and fighting against the iron gasp imprisoning him. But the tall man pinning Killua’s wings down and gripping Killua’s neck wasn’t at all phased by Killua’s suffering. He didn’t blink as Killua thrashed in his arms, didn’t flinch when Killua bit at his fingers. And that nonchalance was enough for Gon see red.

Gon didn’t care who this man was. He didn’t care about his strangely blank eyes or shimmery pale skin, or how every single one of Gon’s instincts were screaming at him to run away. Gon didn’t care about anything, not even his own safety, not while Killua was in danger. 

He had to get Killua back. He _had_ to. No matter what, he would save Killua.

Gon’s hands curled into fists. It took every ounce of his self control not to rush headfirst at the man and grab Killua. “Let Killua go.”

The man tilted his head. “Why should I do that? If I release him, he will go to you, and I cannot allow that. Not when you are the reason he is in this situation in the first place.”

“I’m the—what the hell does that mean?! _You’re_ the one hurting him, not me!”

“I was notified a few days ago my younger brother had carelessly let out some information about the curse to an outsider.” The man looked down at Killua and Killua stilled. “I of course came to investigate. Killua has been on his own so long, you see. I was worried he had forgotten what family loyalty meant. And it seems I was right. Seeing the two of you interact has made it obvious to me that he has been led astray by you. And now Killu must pay the consequences.”

Gon’s heartbeat was loud in his ears. So this man was Illumi, the brother Killua had feared so much? No wonder Killua hated him. This man was calculating and cruel. He had tried to trick Gon and didn’t hesitate to threaten Killua even though they were brothers. 

Gon had to get Killua away from Illumi, and fast.

“Killua didn’t do anything wrong.” Gon took a careful step forward. Keep Illumi talking, let Gon think of a plan in the meantime. If he threw a rock at Illumi, would that give Killua time to escape? “I found out about the curse on my own. I saw him transform by accident.”

Illumi clicked his tongue. “But Killu was the one who explained the curse to you. He told you about our family’s abilities. He broke the rules. And we know what happens when we break the rules, don’t we, little brother?”

Killua was fighting again. Distressed, panicked cries escaped his beak and Gon gritted his teeth. He couldn’t stand it. Seeing and hearing Killua in pain was a thousand times worse than experiencing it firsthand. What could he do? How could he help Killua?

Illumi gave Killua a small, thin lipped smile. It was that same empty smile the fake Killua had worn. “You don’t want a repeat of what happened with Alluka,” Illumi said softly. “Do you?”

A loud squawk echoed across the beach and Illumi yelled. There was a flurry of white wings and then Killua was streaking towards Gon, moonlight on land. Gon reacted without thinking, throwing his arms open wide. Killua crashed into him at a breakneck speed and Gon tripped backwards. He and Killua topped into the shallows of the lake with a splash.

Gon inhaled sharply. The lake water was _freezing_. Pinpricks of cold stabbed at his legs and seeped into his clothes. But still Gon didn’t loosen his grip on Killua, didn’t lower his guard. He just held Killua tightly to his chest, head bowed and heart pounding. Killua was trembling in his arms. 

Hot fury washed over Gon, chasing away the piercing temperature of the water. He wouldn’t let Killua go ever again. It didn’t matter what Illumi did to him, Killua couldn’t be hurt because Killua was—he was—

“Killu…you dare attack me?”

Gon looked up. Illumi stood still, his face half cast in shadow from the outdoor light of the research facility. But Gon didn’t need to see his expression to feel the cold rage radiating from Illumi’s body in palpable waves. His long locks of inky hair rose in a halo around his body and his hands curled into claws at his side. 

Gon’s throat tightened and the hairs on his arm lifted. _Danger._ This man was dangerous. He wanted to hurt him. Gon had to leave, had to get away, _now._

A whimper broke Gon out of his horror. He glanced at Killua, whose shaking had worsened, and some of Gon’s fear was pushed down. Because no matter how scared Gon was, Killua was infinitely more frightened. Killua had grown up with Illumi, had been tortured by him. Gon couldn’t and _wouldn’t_ abandon Killua now.

So Gon pushed himself to stand, holding Killua securely to his chest. Illumi was approaching them slowly as a strange light pulsed and flickered around him. Gon didn’t know what magic Illumi possessed or even how magic worked—Killua’s curse had prevented Gon from learning all that. How was he going to fight something he didn’t understand?

“You made a mistake, Killu,” Illumi’s voice thundered, amplified by some unknown power and grating on Gon’s ears. The world seemed to quiver with every word. “I’ve given you hundreds of opportunities to prove yourself, believed in you when everyone in the family was ready to label you a lost cause, I even saved you from running away with that _thing._ I visit you during your punishment, provide you a home, protect you from threats—and yet you still turn against me?”

It was impossible to think over the roar of Illumi’s voice. Gon bit down on his tongue until he tasted iron, began backing away even as Illumi continued his advancement. Could he outrun Illumi? Could he lose him in the woods with Killua’s help? Killua knew this area better than anyone—he must have used that to his advantage to escape from Illumi—

“You’ve proven to be beyond help. So instead of helping you...I will simply _force_ you.”

A tortured cry hit Gon’s ears. He stumbled because—because Killua was now thrashing and straining against Gon’s arms. Gon’s blood ran cold as he struggled to keep his hold on Killua. What was going on? What was happening to Killua?

The answer came to him easily. This was just like the other night, when Gon had guessed the trigger for Killua’s curse and Killua had indirectly confirmed it. Killua had fallen to the deck and sobbed as if on fire. This was no different, except Killua was now in his swan form.

And it was all because of _him_ —because of Illumi. He was the cause of all Killua’s suffering. And the bastard had the nerve to smile like a madman as he continued his advance upon Gon and Killua. He must think with Killua’s struggles that Gon wouldn’t be able to protect him.

But Illumi was wrong. Gon wasn’t going to surrender Killua to his family. Not now, not ever again. He wasn’t going to let Killua suffer like this. He refused to stand aside and surrender his best friend to a life of endless pain.

So Gon grabbed a rock off the lake’s beach and flung it at Illumi’s stupid maniacal face.

Gon hadn’t thrown anything with intent force in years. He’d won the rock skipping tournament during the Tanabata festival, but the last time before then had been on Whale Island when Aunt Mito first taught him the technique. 

But practice, apparently, was overrated. Because Gon’s rock soared through the air with perfect aim towards Illumi’s glowing figure. It landed smack in the middle of Illumi’s forehead, and at the same instant Killua went limp in Gon’s arms.

“Killua? Killua!” Gon carefully lifted Killua’s head. His blue eyes were half lidded. He didn’t respond to Gon’s call. Panic swelled in Gon’s chest. Oh, no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no _oh no._ Had he accidentally caused more harm than good? Had he hurt Killua by hurting Illumi?

“You…”

Gon looked up, his breaths quick and uneven. Illumi had stopped walking. He was staring at Gon with dark eyes, blood dribbling down his nose from a cut just above his eyebrows. Gon’s rock had hit the target, but now the target was ready for revenge.

Illumi pointed at Gon. The light around his figure grew stronger, more intense. “You’ve interfered with Killu’s life enough. It is time for you to go.”

Gon’s eyes widened. There was something in Illumi’s fingers—something small and thin, something that could be used to injure and maim. Something that Gon had already seen just minutes ago in the water and again earlier that afternoon in Kite’s hand.

A needle. That must be the source of Illumi’s power. Was that why Killua had grabbed at his head two days ago—because Illumi had pierced him there with a needle when he cursed him? 

There was no time to give his theory more thought. Illumi was pulling his arm back and following through. The needle shot through the air towards them. Gon spun around, clutching the limp Killua to his chest and shielding him—!

…but nothing happened.

Gon peeked his eyes open, shoulders tense. He saw the rippling water of the lake, his own pale face looking back at him. There was light reflecting off the water. It looked like the light source was behind him.

Gon glanced hesitantly over his shoulder. His jaw dropped.

Because Illumi’s needle was hovering in the air mere inches from Gon’s back. It had been stopped by what looked like a sphere-like dome of green light flickering around Gon. 

Gon stood up straight, gaping. Had Illumi stopped the needle? But, no, that couldn't be it. The complete and utter shock on Illumi’s face was too real to be faked. So had saved Gon, then?

“Impossible,” Illumi whispered as his needle fell harmlessly to the ground. The force field around Gon flickered before fading into the night air. “You couldn’t—not unless you have—”

Illumi’s gaze swept over Gon before landing on something. Then an ugly expression crossed his face.

“He gave you a ring,” Illumi snarled and Gon looked down. Sure enough, the ring Killua had given him was glowing with that same pale green of the force field that had protected him. 

Gon curled his hand into a fist. Of course. The ring had protected him. This was why Killua had given it to him, right? To keep him safe in case Illumi appeared.

There were footsteps on the sand. Gon lifted his head in time to see Illumi moving forward again, this time more swiftly and with a clear, murderous intent in each step. Fear coursed through Gon’s veins and his heart shuddered. This ring might protect him from magical threats, but he doubted it would protect him from physical ones. 

Gon grabbed another rock and held it over his head threateningly. “Not another step!”

Illumi lifted an eyebrow. “You cannot hurt me with a simple rock.”

“The blood on your face says differently,” Gon growled, backpedaling away from Illumi. 

“You surprised me last time, I’ll admit. But you won’t be able to do so again.”

Gon threw the rock. Illumi leaned to the side, neatly dodging it, and Gon cursed. How else could he protect Killua? What else could he do? There had to be something— _anything!_ This couldn’t be how his and Killua’s story ended!

“Why do you fight?” Illumi asked as he shortened the distance between himself and Gon and Killua. “You know the result is inevitable. I am stronger and more powerful than you. You will only get hurt by protecting Killu.”

Gon barked out a laugh. “You think I care about that? I got hurt all the time running around Whale Island! It doesn’t matter what happens to me. But Killua…”

Gon dared to glance at the bird in his arms. Killua was stirring slightly, his head moving feebly. Gon’s heart ached just looking at him. He cradled Killua closer to his chest and glared up at Illumi.

“But Killua is worth _everything,”_ Gon growled. “I won’t let you hurt him, I won’t let you _touch_ him. I don’t care what it costs me, I’m going to make sure you never lay a hand on him again.”

“Your fight is pointless,” Illumi responded simply. “How could you possibly know what my brother needs? Killu is returning home, with his family. Where he _belongs.”_

“No, he doesn’t. He belongs here, with me. Or with his sister. He belongs with those who love him no matter what, not people like you who only want to manipulate him!”

A strange expression had crossed Illumi’s face. His eyes were widening, his lips thinning. Whatever little color was in his face drained away. He began in a warning tone, “Don’t speak another word—”

“I’ll say whatever I want!” Gon bellowed and his shout echoed across the lake. Killua twitched in his arms but Gon didn't look down. He had to keep his gaze on Illumi. He had to stay alert. 

Gon lifted his head high, glaring at Illumi with all the white hot hatred coursing through his veins. “I love Killua,” he declared loudly. “I love him and I care about him and I won’t ever stop being here for him. I’m going to protect him from people like _you_ who only want to hurt him because he doesn’t deserve to be in pain. He deserves to be free, to be happy. He deserves to be loved.”

Horror flooded Illumi’s face. He lunged at Gon, moving with a speed Gon hadn’t anticipated. 

Gon gasped. Adrenaline flooded through his limbs. He stumbled further back into the lake—

A light burst across his vision. Killua’s weight suddenly doubled and Gon nearly fell over.

“AH—!”

Gon was forced to drop to one knee and then the other. He squinted down at Killua, panting as he struggled to stay upright. The brightness seemed like it was coming from Killua this time, not Illumi...but, _why?_ Was Killua in pain again?

He scowled at Illumi, who had stopped short just a few steps away. “What are you doing to him?!” Gon cried.

But Illumi didn’t respond. He just stared, motionless, as Killua’s light grew brighter and brighter. It grew so blinding that Gon could hardly see Killua even though he was in his arms.

And then the water under his knees began to move. Gon sucked in a sharp breath as the lake began to soar and bend through the air around him and Killua in graceful arcs. He gripped Killua tighter, unsure of what to do. This magic didn’t give off the ominous aura Illmui had shown just a few moments ago. This magic was different. It reminded Gon of something, actually...what? Had he experienced something like this before?

The answer hit Gon like a sack of bricks. Because _of course_ he’d seen something like this before. This magic looked just like the kind that transformed Killua from swan to human and vice versa. Gon stared at the glowing bird in his arms as his heart started to race. Could that mean—?

Sure enough, Killua’s form was shifting and growing. Gon gaped, awestruck, as Killua’s wings stretched out and his feathers condensed into fingers. His torso lengthened and two legs grew out of his webbed toes. Silver locks burst from his head and when those familiar blue eyes blinked open, the air in Gon’s lungs vanished.

Because Killua was now looking back at him. It was Killua in his human form in Gon’s arms, Killua with his beautiful angular face and pale skin and stunning silver hair. It was Killua gazing at Gon, his blue irises shining with the same warmth that was currently bursting in Gon’s chest.

Gon cupped Killua’s cheek. He couldn’t speak, overwhelmed by an indescribable emotion. Killua sighed and placed his hand over Gon’s as the water fell back into the lake with a final splash.

 _“Gon,”_ Killua murmured and the tension in Gon’s heart melted. 

“K-Killua…” 

Gon couldn’t stop himself. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Killua’s. His closed eyes burned with unshed tears as he stroked Killua’s cool cheek. It felt like years had passed since he’d last been with Killua in his human form. Kissing him was a confirmation—Killua was really here, with him, and alive.

He pulled back and leaned his forehead against Killua’s. Killua was breathing heavy, silver eyelashes fluttering. His grip was so tight on Gon’s hand that it almost hurt but Gon didn’t complain.

“You broke it,” Killua breathed and Gon frowned.

“Huh?”

“The curse.” Killlua’s voice was full of awe. “You broke it. How did you know?”

Gon leaned back, shock causing his eyes to widen. “I—I _what?”_

Killua blinked at him for a moment. Then he laughed, a sound that was breathless and giddy and wonderful all at the same time. “You—haha! Y-You didn’t know. Did you?”

Gon numbly shook his head. He didn’t even know what he didn’t know. Had he really broken Killua’s curse? He must have, since the moon wasn’t out and Killua was human again. But _how_ did he do it? By protecting Killua? By swearing to take care of him? If that was all it took, Gon would have promised Killua those things a long, long time ago.

“Broken curse or not, I won’t let you turn your back on our family, Killu.”

Gon stiffened, head snapping towards Illumi. He’d forgotten Killua’s brother was still here. Illumi hadn’t taken a single step during Gon and Killua’s emotional reunion. His expression was a careful and calm mask, but that didn’t fool Gon. He could read Illumi’s true feelings in the clenched hands at his side and the tight line of his shoulders. He hadn’t wanted Killua’s curse to ever be broken. Gon had surprised him for a second time.

“Shut up, Illumi,” Killua growled. He struggled to sit up and Gon immediately shifted his hands to Killua’s side, to support him without getting in his way. “You can’t control me anymore. Don’t you get it? Your curse is _gone._ ”

Illumi’s eye twitched. “It does not matter. I will contain you—”

“How? By cursing me again?” 

Thunder rumbled across the lake, low but threatening. Gon gripped Killua tighter as he cast his gaze towards the sky. Dark clouds were forming on the edge of the horizon. As he watched, flashes of lightning crackled through the storm. 

Gon’s throat tightened. He didn’t know how to protect Killua from a storm and Illumi. But the way it had formed so suddenly…was it possible the storm was magic? It couldn’t be Illumi’s, he used needles to cast his curses. And it couldn’t be Gon since he didn’t have any magical abilities. 

Gon looked at Killua, heart stuttering. Was this _Killua’s_ magic?

“I’m free, big bro,” Killua said softly, blue eyes trained on Illumi. “You can throw whatever you want at me, but I can defend myself now. And you can’t hurt Gon, either. He’s got the ring. So, tell me, what _can_ you do?”

Illumi’s face contorted into something ugly, something twisted by a possessive rage. His magic swelled again and goosebumps spread on Gon’s skin. His nails dug into Killua’s sides—

“BROTHER!”

Illumi froze. His aura dropped but Gon was too busy looking towards the lake’s gate, towards the unexpected voice that had shattered the tension between them all.

A girl with long locks of brown hair and narrowed blue eyes had just jumped over the gate and was rushing towards them. Another woman with thick bunches of dark hair stood behind the gate, looking over the scene with serious grey eyes. She kept her distance even as the other girl sprinted down the beach with surprising speed.

The girl with blue eyes didn’t spare a glance at Illumi. She ran right past him, dropped to her knees in front of Killua and threw her arms around him before Gon had the chance to react. She squeezed Killua tightly as Killua wheezed. 

Gon stared. This girl...she’d called Killua _‘brother’._ Was this—?

“Alluka?” he said aloud.

The girl leaned back, a smile spreading across her face. “You know my name! Brother—” she turned to Killua, “—you told him about me? He _must_ be special for you to have done that.”

“Yeah, well...he broke the curse. So. You know.” 

Killua’s cheeks darkened. Alluka beamed and her blue eyes shone. They were very similar to Killua’s, nearly the exact same shade but with a slightly wider shape. She looked nearly exactly the same as she had in Killua’s birthday photo despite the years that had passed since then.

“You should not be here.”

Alluka spun around to glare Illumi, who had not moved an inch since her arrival. “Look who’s talking,” she retorted. “The curse is broken, you have no power over Brother any longer. _You’re_ the one who shouldn't be here.”

Illumi’s nostrils flared. “I can still—”

 _“No,_ you can’t, actually. Now that I'm here, you can’t do anything. Why did you try attacking Brother when he’s wearing my ring? You knew I’d come as soon as you tried cursing him again!”

“It was not Killu I was attacking—”

“I don’t care!” Alluka stood up. Her hair fluttered in the wind of Killua’s storm as a second round of thunder rolled through the sky. “I’m going to make sure you _never_ hurt Brother again.”

Gon gaped at Alluka with awe. No wonder Killua loved Alluka so much—she was fearless, brave, passionate. And better yet, Illumi seemed to genuinely fear her. He’d called forth his aura again but it didn’t radiate from him in waves like it had done previously. No, this time it stayed around his body in a controlled arc, almost like Illumi’s magic was being formed as an act of defense.

Alluka glanced at Gon. “You broke Killua’s curse. Right?”

“Um. Right?”

“Good. That’s all the payment I need.” She turned to face Illumi again. “Wish for Illumi to be gone.”

Gon blinked. Then blinked again. _"What?”_

Killua took Gon’s hand and squeezed. “Remember what I said about Alluka? She’s different. She doesn’t curse people like the rest of our family. She grants _wishes.”_

Wishes? Gon looked from Killua to Illumi. So, when Alluka said to wish for Illumi to be gone she _literally_ meant…

Gon sat up straighter, holding Killua protectively to his chest. “I wish for Illumi to be as far away from Killua as possible,” he said, loud and clear.

A burst of energy shot out of Illumi in a shockwave. Killua’s grip on Gon’s hand tightened as Alluka lifted her arm. White light shrouded Alluka’s figure, too bright to look at directly. Gon hid his face in Killua’s hair with a wince. Alluka’s magic was filling the whole beach, blocking his view of the water and the research facility and Illumi—

_Ding!_

The light faded. Gon blinked slowly as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Alluka was still there, standing in front of them like a shield. So was the girl at the gate who had not moved. And Illumi—

Gon’s jaw dropped. Illumi was _gone._

Alluka sighed, shoulders sagging. She turned and kneeled on the ground in front of Killua and Gon. She gazed at Killua with sad, tired eyes as she gently touched Killua’s cheek with her fingertips. 

“I’m so sorry, Brother. I wish it hadn’t taken this long for me to see you again. But I couldn’t find you until the ring had been used.”

Killua leaned into Alluka’s hand like a plant bending towards the sun. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.”

“Yes. I am. And I won’t leave you again.” 

Alluka’s words caused a stir of...of _something_ in Gon’s chest. A strange sort of twisting followed by a sudden bout of breathlessness. What did Alluka mean by that? What was she planning to do with Killua?

He didn’t have time to dwell on his fears though as Alluka faced Gon with a beam. “And you—you’re the one who broke Illumi’s curse!” She took both of Gon’s hands in hers and squeezed them. “I owe you _everything_ for saving Brother. Thank you….?”

Gon smiled despite the worry churning his stomach. Her tone was warm, genuine. Kind. “I’m Gon. Gon Freecss.”

“Gon,” Alluka repeated. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Gon. You must be very important to Brother if he gave you the ring.”

“A-Alluka!” Killua sputtered. “I—I just wanted him to be safe! He’s my friend!”

“Brother, Gon made a vow of everlasting love to you and then proved it to the world. I’m pretty sure that goes beyond ‘friend’ territory.”

Gon looked at Killua, then Alluka, then back to Killua again. Because— “Wait, _what?_ That’s how I broke the curse? By promising to love you and then protecting you from Illumi?”

“Something like that,” Killua grumbled, scratching his cheek. His face was a bright shade of red. “What does it matter, anyway? You broke the curse, Illumi’s gone, all is right in the world!”

“He will come back.”

All three jumped at the new voice. The girl by the gate had walked over while they talked and she stood in front of them now, her hands clasped behind her back and her expression solemn. “You wished Master Illumi away, but he could return at any moment. He won’t give up on you, Master Killua. It’s not safe to linger here.”

Alluka sighed. “Yes, Canary is right. We should go before Illumi returns here, Brother. You’ll have to be hidden until I figure out how to cloak your presence from the rest of the family.”

All at once, Gon turned cold.

“You’re—You’re leaving?” Gon asked. His heart twisted sickeningly, his brain struggled to understand what was being said. “After everything that just happened, you’re going to _leave?”_

Killua made a pained sound in the back of his throat. “Gon—”

“No! No, Killua! You _can’t_ leave. Do you know how crazy I’ve been the past few days trying to find you? And now that I’ve finally got you back, you want to say _goodbye?”_

“Of course I don’t want to say goodbye!” Killua snapped. “Do you really think I’d ever want that after what we went through this summer? After you broke my curse? How could you believe I’d want anything besides to be with you?”

“That’s not an answer, Killua. Can you stay, or can’t you?”

Killua opened his mouth then shut it. Gon sat back, stunned and numb. This couldn’t be happening. He’d thought that by breaking Killua’s curse they could finally be happy. But he’d been wrong. He was losing Killua despite all his efforts to save him.

“We really can’t stay,” Alluka cut in quietly, tone apologetic, and whatever hope remained in Gon’s chest shriveled and died. “Gon, you saw how dangerous Illumi is. The only reason he didn’t curse Brother again was because I showed up. He’ll do whatever it takes to bring Brother back home and make him the next head of our family. Brother _needs_ to be hidden, and even though you broke the curse...you don’t have the power to keep him safe. I’m sorry.”

Gon’s eyes were burning and he was having a hard time catching his breath. He roughly pulled off Alluka’s ring and held it out to the Zoldyck siblings. “I could—I could give him your ring? It protected me, shouldn’t it be enough to protect him too?”

“No,” Killua said immediately. “No, Gon. I gave that ring to you for a reason. I want you to stay safe.”

“But I have Ging’s ring! I can ask Aunt Mito to send it to me, that way I’ll be covered with that one and you could take Alluka’s ring instead.”

“What?” Alluka asked sharply. “Gon, you have another ring?”

“It’s his dad’s,” Killua told her shortly and Gon huffed.

“Who cares who made the ring? It’s protection, right? So if I wear my dad’s ring and you wear Alluka’s, we’ll both be okay!”

Alluka was shaking her head before Gon even finished. “The rings aren’t enough. You might be shielded from Illumi’s magic while wearing one of them but you don’t have the strength to fight him. I’m the only one who can go against Illumi until Brother recovers. I know it’s hard to hear, but Brother _has_ to come with me. If he stays, he’s practically asking Illumi to curse him again.”

“Exactly,” Killua said with a nod. “If I go with Alluka, I’ll be shielded from Illumi. But that means you have to wear Alluka’s ring for your own protection, Gon. Only Alluka’s ring will alert us if you’ve been targeted by Illumi or not. So, _please,_ take it and be safe.”

Killua gently curled Gon’s fingers around Alluka’s ring. He began to pull away but Gon grabbed his hand and held on tight. Because despite Killua and Alluka’s reasonable explanation, he refused to let Killua go that easily. It was unbearable to even think about parting ways with his first friend. His first love. Wasn’t Killua hurting, too? 

“Why can’t I come with you?” Gon begged. “Please, Killua. Now that your curse is broken, we can finally be together.”

“Because you have to finish up your summer job with Kite so you can travel the world and find Ging.” Killua gave Gon a wobbly smile. “It’s your dream, right? I won’t be a barrier to that.”

“But making friends was my dream, too. And you’re part of that! I don’t want to lose you, Killua!”

Killua was blinking rapidly. His blue eyes were shining a little too brightly to be normal. “I don’t want to lose you either, Gon,” he croaked.

“Then let me come with you. Or—Or you and Alluka can stay with me and Kite!”

“I can’t put that burden on Kite.”

 _“Killua,_ I just—you can’t—”

“It won’t be forever!” Alluka cut in, laying a small hand on top of Gon and Killua’s. “Just for a short while. We can meet up again as soon as we know Illumi won’t find Killua. Okay? I _promise,_ Gon, this isn’t goodbye forever. It’s just goodbye for now.”

Gon looked between Alluka’s determined face and Killua's pale one. His heart ached, splintering and throbbing in his chest. Did Killua really want this? To be separated? But as soon as Gon looked into Killua’s eyes, he knew the truth. There was honest sorrow and heartbreak in Killua’s face. 

And there was more—Killua’s hand trembled in Gon’s, his whole arm quivering. His cheeks were paler than usual and his lips were pulled in a thin grimace. His expression was more than just sorry. It was real, genuine pain. 

Gon sucked in a sharp breath. Oh, no. How could he forget so quickly? Killua was still injured. The bandages Gon and Kite had wound around his hurt shoulder were torn and falling apart. How badly had Illumi aggravated Killua’s wound? It needed to be treated immediately. Above all else, above Gon’s own wants, what Killua needed right now was medicine and rest.

So...there really was no choice then.

“Right, okay, let’s—” Gon squared his shoulders. “Let’s do it then.”

“What?” Killua’s brow furrowed. “Just like that, you’re okay with saying goodbye?”

Gon frowned at the hurt in Killua’s voice. “Of course not, Killua. I just told you I didn’t want you to leave! But you’re in pain, right? You need help and protection, the kind I...I can’t help you with. But your sister can.” Gon glanced at Alluka. “You _will_ take care of him. Right?”

Alluka’s eyes, so like Killua’s, crinkled as she smiled. “Absolutely. You can trust me, Gon.”

“Where can we meet?”

Killua’s grip had tightened on Gon’s hand and Gon looked to Killua, surprised but pleased at the desperation in Killua’s tone. 

_“Where,_ Gon?” Killua asked, a little more forcibly. “I want to know exactly when we’ll see each other again.”

“How about the World Tree Park?” Gon suggested. “Kite’s mentioned wanting to visit there on our way to his next job location. We could meet at the entrance around sunset on the day me and Kite leave Kukuroo Lake!”

Killua lit up. “Yeah, let’s do it! We’ll meet you there on your last day.”

They grinned at each other. Warmth bloomed deep in Gon’s chest—every time he and Killua were together, there was an element of familiarity and excitement. He never wanted to stop talking to Killua. Even though they’d only known each other for a few short months, Gon had no idea how he was going to survive the next few weeks without him.

Canary cleared her throat and Alluka said softly, “Brother…”

Killua’s smile fell as he took in Canary and Alluka’s anxious expressions. “Yeah, I get it. Just, uh, let me say goodbye and I’ll be right over.”

Alluka nodded. She stood, looking to Gon as she rose. “I’ll see you soon, Gon. Thank you for saving my brother.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

Alluka beamed. The other girl also gave Gon a low bow before escorting Alluka back to the gate.

“Who is the other girl?” Gon asked, watching the pair as they walked across the beach.

“Canary,” Killua answered easily, a tone of familiarity in the way he said her name. “She used to work for my family so we’ve known her for a long time. I always used to tell Alluka to reach out to her if she ever needed help. I guess Alluka must have convinced Canary to run away like we did once I got cursed and she was on her own. Canary’s great, though. You’ll see.”

Gon turned to Killua. His throat was tight. “Will I really?”

Killua’s blue eyes softened. “Of course you will.” 

Gon lowered his gaze to their intertwined hands, unable to speak. Killua gently rubbed his thumb over Gon’s knuckles and for a moment, there was silence between them. The quiet crashing of waves and crickets chirping filled Gon’s ears. It would have been peaceful, if not for the lonely reality they were both about to face. 

“Listen,” Killua said gently. “I want you to know that I don’t want to leave anymore than you do. Okay? If I could, I’d keep visiting you every day and night just like we’ve done all summer.”

“You would?” Gon whispered.

Killua gave him a crooked smile. He let go of Gon’s hand to cup Gon’s jaw, gently caressing Gon’s cheek in smooth strokes. “Yeah, I would. Even if you hadn’t broken my curse by summer’s end, I would’ve given up the chance to become human at night and instead followed you around the world with Kite.”

Gon was having a very hard time holding back his tears now. No one had ever said something like that to him. He’d never mattered that much to anyone, before. To hear it now, from the person he cared about most...it meant more than Gon could put into words.

“But now we _both_ get to travel around the world,” Gon croaked, and Killua’s smile widened.

“Yeah. And it’s all thanks to you, Gon.”

Killua leaned in close and Gon’s heart skipped a beat. Gon closed his eyes as soft lips pressed to his. He cupped the back of Killua’s neck, wrapping an arm around Killua’s waist to pull him close. Killua deepened the kiss by angling his head and Gon hummed into his mouth. Gon was warm all over. Sparks burst under his skin where Killua touched him. 

This was the last time they would be together for a month. Gon didn’t know what would change during that month, how Killua might think differently of him after weeks of separation. But Gon did know one thing—no matter how much time passed, he would always feel this way when Killua kissed him. Killua would always fill his heart with warmth and bring a smile to his face. 

Killua was his first friend, his best friend, his first love. And nothing could change that.

Killua’s eyes were blue and hazy when they finally separated. Gon pressed their foreheads together, running his fingers through silky silver hair as he drank in the adoration in Killua’s expression. It was a moment Gon didn’t want to ever end.

But it had to. Alluka and Canary were waiting for them.

“I’ll see you soon?” Gon murmured and Killua sighed heavily.

“Yeah. Very soon.” 

Killua moved forward and pressed a firm, final kiss to Gon’s lips. Gon tried following after him even as Killua pulled away. Just one more kiss, one more touch, one more memory with Killua—

But Killua threw his head back with a laugh, covering Gon’s mouth with his hand.

 _"Soon_ , Gon,” Killua said with a bright grin and flushed cheeks. “We’ll see each other again, soon.”

“Yeah…soon.”

Together, they stood. The walk to Alluka and Canary was too short, over before Gon got the chance to memorize the feel of Killua’s hand in his. Killua’s fingers were the last part of Killua that Gon got to touch—he squeezed them briefly before finally and reluctantly letting them slip out of his grasp one by one.

And then Gon was watching Killua get on the back of Canary and Alluka’s motorcycle, Canary in front as she gripped the handlebars and Alluka in the middle between her and Killua. The engine roared, Gon’s heart crying with it, and then the trio was speeding away into the darkness of the night.

Gon tried running after them. He sprinted as fast as he could, throwing his hand up in a wave even as the motorcycle grew smaller and smaller. Killua turned at the last second and Gon’s heart shuddered—Killua was returning his wave, a pale moonbeam shining through the shadows.

And then the motorcycle disappeared around the bend and Gon was alone once more.

Gon slowed. His pounding feet came to a stop as he gasped for air. Seconds ticked by and he continued to stare at the place Killua had disappeared. There was an iron taste in his mouth, a choked shuddering in his breath. He wouldn’t cry. He _wouldn’t_.

Scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, Gon inhaled deeply and blinked up at the starry, moonless sky. The storm Killua had created earlier had vanished, he realized, along with Killua himself.

But this wasn't forever. _One month,_ Gon repeated to himself. He could survive a month alone. 

He would do anything, if it meant seeing Killua again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/28/2021
> 
> Oh boy I am....so tired :'))) This is gonna be a long author's note hahahaaaaaa
> 
> This thing went through TWO rounds of editing this week so I can safely say that this chapter was hands down the most difficult chapter to edit for this fic!!!! It needed a lot of help but I am really happy with how it turned out. Writing climaxes is extremely challenging for me so I hope this reads well. The part where Gon runs to the fake Killua on the beach was actually one of the very first scenes I wrote for this fic. And at one point I considered having Kite also be a fake illusion Illumi made to keep an eye on Killua, but then I realized I barely know how to write Kite so writing a fake Kite would be impossible lol. 
> 
> This chapter is heavily inspired by the swan lake story. In the actual swan lake, the prince meets and falls in love with a woman cursed to turn into a swan during the day. In order for the woman to turn into a human again, moonlight must reflect off a specific lake and the woman must be on that lake. If she is not on the lake but the moon is out, she will not turn human. If she is on the lake but there is no moon, she will not turn human. Both conditions must be present. In order to break the curse, the prince must make a vow of everlasting love and prove it to the world. So the prince invites the woman to a ball to declare his love for her but the wizard who cursed the woman learns of the plan. He sends a fake imitation of the woman to the ball instead, the prince wrongly declares his love to the wrong person, and the cursed woman nearly dies by default until the prince defeats the wizard.
> 
> (if I am wrong about any of these details pls have pity on me I used the swan princess and the barbie swan lake movies as inspiration for this fic lol)
> 
> Killua's curse works in the exact same way as the woman's curse. He needs the moonlight on the lake to turn human. And Gon broke Killua's curse by swearing to love him and willingly sacrificing his own safety to protect Killua. I also really liked the idea of having a 'fake' Killua try to trick Gon, hence Illumi's fake Killua, but of course Gon's not stupid and saw right through him! It was fun to write Gon's anger and his reunion with Killua at the end. And of course I love writing Alluka <3333 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this climax! One last chapter to go until we are done with this story. Thank you for reading, thank you to xyliane for beta'ing. And one last thing before I end this - my wonderful amazing and incredibly talented friend trashsketch on twitter drew [GORGEOUS FANART FOR THIS FIC PLEASE CHECK IT OUT, IT'S KILLUA AND GON KISSING + GON AND KILLUA THE SWAN](https://twitter.com/trashsketch/status/1364336636172136458) <333
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


	15. future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua’s smile was dazzling. “Good. Because I’ll be by your side for however long you want me.”
> 
> “Don’t say stuff like that, Killua,” Gon said teasingly. “Maybe I’ll want you forever and then you’ll be stuck with me.”
> 
> “Well maybe I want to be by your side forever, too. What do you think of that?”
> 
> Gon’s heart was racing. He really hoped Killua meant every word he was saying because Gon certainly did. “It would be amazing! Being with you forever...exploring the world together...it would be a dream come true.”

Kite simply stared at Gon after he finished his explanation.

“So he...left,” Kite repeated slowly. “Just like that?”

“Mhm.”

“And did Killua say _why_ he was leaving?”

“His family was coming after him,” Gon said as he did his best to make his expression innocent. He had to keep his story straight. He wasn’t sure if Kite knew about the Zoldycks having magic and he didn’t want to put his mentor at unnecessary risk by saying too much. 

He took a deep breath before continuing, “That’s why he hadn’t shown up the last few nights. Killua was worried about dragging me into his family problems. He came to the beach last night to say goodbye before he went into hiding.”

“And the swan—he, what? Somehow escaped while you were talking to Killua?”

“Yeah. I left the back door open by accident. I didn’t realize it until I came back to the research facility and saw he was gone. I’m sorry, Kite. I swear I didn’t mean to let him go. ”

Kite pursed his lips. He stared Gon down from across the kitchen, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed, but Gon didn’t flinch. Kite had no choice but to believe him. There was no one else to tell the story, no cameras to record what had happened. Kite had Gon’s word and that alone.

“Well, I’m glad to hear Killua is getting out of that situation, at least,” Kite said after a pause and Gon breathed an internal sigh of relief. “He’s been suffering under his family for too long.”

Gon crossed the kitchen and sat opposite Kite, laying his hands on the table. “How much do you really know about the Zoldycks, Kite?” he asked seriously.

Kite raised an eyebrow. “By your tone, I’m guessing less than you at this point.”

Gon gave him a small smile. That was all the answer he needed. He changed the subject, “Killua says he’ll see me again in a month.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. He wants to meet up at the World Tree Park on the day we leave here.”

Kite’s eyebrows inched towards his hairline. “Are you planning on giving up my job offer, Gon?”

“No!” Gon said quickly, panic bubbling up in his chest. “ _No_ , I would never do that. I just...I don’t want to give up Killua, either.”

“What are you trying to say? I know you better than that, Gon. You want to ask me something, don’t you?”

“Well…” Gon linked his hands, fiddled with his thumbs. “I was wondering if you’d be okay with him coming with us, maybe? And maybe his sister and their friend.”

Kite blinked. Then blinked again. Silence stretched on as the seconds ticked by. He was so quiet and so still that Gon started to grow worried. He sat up, frowning at his frozen mentor. Had he broken Kite?

“Um. Kite?”

Kite breathed in deep, lifting a hand to rub at his forehead. “You are something else, Gon,” he said with a slight laugh.

Gon sat up straight. There was a smile tugging at the corner’s of Kite’s mouth. He seemed more amused and exasperated than annoyed. “Is that a yes?”

“I...don’t see why not. I could always use the helping hands and we will be traveling far enough away that Killua’s family shouldn’t be able to come after him or his sister.”

Euphoria burst in Gon’s chest like fireworks. He grinned at Kite, giddy and overjoyed because _yes_ , everything was working out perfectly. He and Killua could be happy, he and Killua were _staying together—_

“You’ll have to train them, of course,” Kite said and Gon nodded immediately. “And make sure they can carry their share of work. I won’t have them traveling with us as deadweight.”

“Got it!” Gon chirped. His cheeks were already aching from the strength of his smile. “Thank you, Kite. Really. Thank you _so much.”_

Kite sighed, but his eyes were soft. “You’re a handful, Gon.”

“Heh, well, Aunt Mito did say she was looking forward to a bit of quiet after I left.”

Kite snorted and Gon’s grin widened. He was still sad about Killua leaving—it was going to be a very dull month—but there was a future for them, now. There was a possibility for more.

“Can I ask you one more thing?” Gon asked and Kite tilted his head. 

Gon lifted up his hand, the green gem of Alluka’s ring glinting in the morning sun. “What do you know about this ring?”

**-o0o-**

The month leading up to Gon’s reunion with Killua was a slow, nearly unbearable one.

Not to say that Gon’s days were boring, because they weren’t. The weeks passed quickly as Kite increased his responsibilities in preparation for the addition of Killua, Alluka and Canary. Gon was learning more, helping more, becoming more efficient by the minute. And every day he went out to the middle of the lake to wait for the swan, per Kite’s request. 

Kite was still hoping that the bird would resume his daily visits. Gon knew he didn’t blame Gon for the swan’s escape and Gon in turn didn’t blame Kite for not wanting to give up on the swan. Kite had spent years researching Killua, it was sad to see all that time and effort go to waste. But Gon also knew the blue-eyed bird would never appear on the lake again and that was a very, _very_ good thing.

One day, as he rowed back to the research facility, Gon found a lone swan feather floating on the lake’s waves. Gon stared at it for a long while, throat tightening, before picking it up and bringing it back to Kite’s home. He put the feather on his nightstand for safekeeping. Whenever he felt a particularly deep ache of longing in his chest, he would run his fingers over its silky texture and try to picture the shape of Killua’s smile.

And if Gon wasn’t working at the research facility or out on the lake, he was usually sleeping.

Gon was sleeping longer and later than he had in his entire life, sometimes not even hearing his alarm and only stirring when Kite came in to shake him awake. Gon had always been a morning person, so this change came as a surprise to him until Kite pointed out a very obvious fact.

“You spent the last two months sleep deprived,” Kite spoke over Gon’s repeated apologies. “I understand your body’s need to catch up on rest so there’s no need for you to be sorry, Gon. I’m sure you’ll shift back to your regular sleeping schedule soon.”

Gon prayed Kite was right. Because the weeks remaining till their last day on the lake were quickly dwindling, and Gon didn’t plan on wasting his time sleeping once Killua was at his side again.

**-o0o-**

Gon bounced on the tips of his toes, craning his neck to see over the many heads swarming around them. It didn’t help that he’d inherited Ging’s genes—broad in the chest and shoulders but short in height. He’d never be as tall as Kite, who didn’t even have to lift his chin to see everyone in the crowd.

“Gon,” Kite said in a warning tone. “You’re going to pull a muscle if you keep straining yourself like that.”

“Heh, sorry.” Gon didn’t stop, though. Why would he? Today was the day he would be reunited with Killua.

Kite checked his watch. “What time did you tell him to meet us?”

“Sunset.”

“We’re early. There’s still time for him to arrive.”

“I know! I just…I missed him. I’m excited to see him again, you know?”

Kite smiled at him gently. “Yes, I do. You’ve been talking about this day for weeks now.”

Gon laughed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Part of him was guilty. He knew he hadn’t been entirely patient during the past thirty long, boring, grueling days but Kite had been nothing but gracious. Kite was a lot like Aunt Mito in that way—gentle where Gon was harsh, calm when Gon couldn’t sit still. And Gon loved Kite for taking up the parental figure in Gon’s life that Aunt Mito trusted him with and who Ging had never been. Gon would repay Kite for all his guidance in time, working hard to become the best assistant Kite ever had.

But that was in the future. The present was now and Gon wanted nothing more in this moment than to see Killua.

Gon scanned the crowd again. Killua had silver hair, he _should_ be easy to spot. It didn’t look like he was here yet, but even if Killua was late, even if it made Kite frustrated, Gon would wait here all night. It was nothing he hadn’t done for Killua before, anyway—

“Yo.”

Gon sucked in a breath. He whirled around, heart jumping into his throat and time slowing to a crawl.

Because, _yes._ Standing just a few feet away was Gon’s first and best friend. Killua grinned at Gon with sparkling blue eyes and silver hair trimmed short. Alluka was at Killua’s side, a matching smile on her face and her hand clasped tightly in her brother’s, while Canary stood behind them. All three were carrying travel bags and had a look of anticipated excitement on their faces.

But all Gon could focus on was—

_“Killua!”_

And then Gon was running.

He had just enough time to see Killua’s eyes widen. “Gon—”

Gon crashed into Killua with enough force to knock down a small building. Killua stumbled back, arms encircling Gon’s waist and spinning them around to slow their momentum. Gon laughed helplessly as the weight in his chest lifted. The world was a blur of colors and Killua was his anchor. 

Killua carefully slowed their spinning, lowering Gon so his sneakers touched the ground. “Gon?” Killua whispered and Gon’s arms tightened around Killua’s shoulders.

“I missed you,” Gon croaked. He buried his face into the crook of Killua’s neck and breathed deep. Killua smelled like strawberries and the woods and home. “I missed you _so much,_ Killua.

Killua leaned his head against Gon’s with a quiet sigh. “I missed you, too, Gon.”

Gon’s chest ached. He pulled back just enough to see Killua’s face and for a few seconds, the pair just stared at each other. Gon took in flushed cheeks, curved blue eyes, that stunning silver hair. He drank the sight of Killua in the sunlight, engraving this moment into his memory. 

This was the first time he was seeing Killua during the day, after all. He wanted to remember this for as long as he lived.

But then Killua gave Gon that brilliant, beautiful smile of his and Gon couldn’t hold himself back. He surged forward, kissing Killua right on the mouth. Killua hummed against his lips, a pleased sound that had Gon’s toes curling, and kissed back. Cool hands wandered down Gon’s sides before resting on his hips and pulling him close. Gon’s heart sang with joy.

Because Killua was really here. This wasn’t a dream. Killua wasn’t cursed or stuck in his swan form or injured. He was happy and with Gon and Gon would never, _ever,_ let him go.

When they pulled back, Killua was breathing hard and pupils were so large only a rim of blue remained. Gon beamed, knowing he wasn’t any better.

“Ah- _hem.”_

They turned around, Gon’s arms still wrapped around Killua’s neck and Killua’s hands on his back. Alluka stood off to the side with raised eyebrows and Canary was biting down on her lip as if trying to hide a smile. Even Kite was watching them with poorly concealed amusement.

“Are you going to introduce us, Brother?” Alluka said politely and Killua started.

“Oh! Yeah, ‘course. Alluka, come here—” Killua let go of Gon to grab Alluka’s hand and drag her over to Kite. “Kite, this is my sister, Alluka, and a family friend, Canary. And you, uh, already know me, so…”

He rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks dusted pink. Kite laughed as Gon stepped next to Killua.

“Yes, I do know you. It’s good to see you again. I was worried Gon might drive me crazy during the weeks he was waiting to reunite with you.”

Gon’s cheeks burned as he sputtered. “Wh-What? Kite, you said I wasn’t that bad!”

Alluka cut in cheerfully, “Don’t worry, Gon. You couldn’t have been nearly as annoying as Brother.” She wholly ignored Killua’s embarrassed hiss of her name. “He got so anxious waiting for today that Canary and I threatened to tie him down and put him to sleep more than once.”

The group laughed together before falling into general chatter. It pleased Gon to see Alluka easily conversing with Kite as though having known him for years. Even Canary lit up when Kite kindly asked if she was excited to travel around the world.

A cool hand brushed Gon’s. Killua’s fingers slid between his and Gon couldn’t help the way his smile widened.

“Your hair is shorter,” Gon murmured.

He glanced at Killua just in time to see Killua self-consciously brush a stray lock behind his ear. “Yeah, it was getting kind of long and Alluka suggested I try something new.”

“I like it. It looks good on you.”

Killua flushed, his hand squeezing Gon’s. “Thanks. You look good, too. You’re tanner than the last time I saw you.”

“Ha. Kite made me spend more time on the lake searching for the swan I so carelessly let free by accident. He was worried the swan’s wing might get infected from the needle puncture.”

“Hm, really?” Killua rolled his shoulder. “That was nice of him, but there was no need to worry. The wound healed pretty well once Alluka was able to treat it. So, if I had to guess, I’d say the swan is doing just fine.”

Gon snickered, leaning into Killua’s side. There was a soaring feeling swelling in his chest. Everything was bathed in the golden light of the setting sun and Gon was warm from the inside out.

“You kept Alluka’s ring,” Killua said softly.

“Of course! I said I would, didn’t I? Besides, I wouldn’t throw away something my boyfriend so kindly gifted me.”

Killua sucked in a quiet breath. “I-Is that what you want? To make us…official?”

“Yep!” Gon returned Killua’s hand squeeze. “I think it’s important to know where we stand, especially if we’re going to be spending all our time together from now on.”

“Along with Alluka and Canary and Kite, you mean?”

“Them too,” Gon agreed. “But I don’t really want to spend hours kissing _them_ , so…”

He let his voice trail off and Killua gently shoved him with his shoulder.

“Stupid,” Killua said fondly, grinning once more. “I wouldn’t want you kissing any of them, either. _Especially_ my sister.”

“Don’t worry, I’m kind of into her brother.”

Killua laughed, a sound that was bright and beautiful and maybe the most wonderful thing Gon had ever heard.

“Is that what you want, too?” Gon asked gently. In the background, he heard Kite suggesting they make their way to the camper he’d rented for the time being until they had to change continents. “To be boyfriends, I mean. I don’t want to force you to be something you don’t want.”

Killua gently rubbed his thumb over Gon’s knuckles. “Of course I want that. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. I...I _love_ you, Gon. You saved me. I’m free of my curse because of you. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.”

The words were simple. But the meaning behind them was enough to take Gon’s breath away. 

“It’s the same for me.” The words were coming out of him in a rush but he was too giddy to slow them down. “I think you know how I feel about you, with the curse being broken and all. But I love you, too. I love you so much, Killua. You’ve made my life a million times brighter and there’s no one else I’d rather discover the world with.”

Killua’s responding smile was dazzling. “Good. Because I’ll be by your side for however long you want me.”

“Don’t say stuff like that, Killua,” Gon said teasingly. “Maybe I’ll want you forever and then you’ll be stuck with me.”

“Well maybe I want to be by your side forever, too. What do you think of that?”

Gon’s heart was racing. He really hoped Killua meant every word he was saying because Gon certainly did. “It would be amazing! Being with you forever...exploring the world together...it would be a dream come true.”

Killua’s eyes softened. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Gon’s—the touch fleeting but intense enough that it felt like a promise, sealed with a kiss. Gon lifted a hand to run his fingers through silky silver hair, to revel in the fact Killua was with him on this upcoming adventure and all the ones after that.

Because no matter what awaited them in the future, Killua was at his side and Gon at his. There were still a lot of problems to work out—Killua’s family, being the main one—and Gon wanted to learn more about the magic Killua, Alluka and possibly his own father were all born with. But, for the moment, Gon was content to know he and Killua had made it despite all odds. Gon got to keep his first friend, his best friend, his love, and Killua got to be free. 

It had been a summer unlike anything either of them could have expected. And Gon couldn’t wait to see where life would take them next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/7/2021
> 
> And they all lived happily ever exploring the world together <333 the end!
> 
> We have finally reached the conclusion of this fic...there are no more chapters and Gon and Killua’s story is finally complete. Thank you so much to everyone who supported this fic throughout its posting schedule and whoever read this once it was complete too! I am a very different person now than who I was when I started writing this fic in April 2020–as I think we all are—but reading everyone’s comments over the past few months have been so uplifting to me. I can only hope this fic made all you readers happy as well!
> 
> As I was writing this story, I kept a document with all scrapped/unnecessary/rejected ideas. If you’d like to read the document for some extra content that didn’t make it to this final version of the fic please [click here!](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UAovcMklkn9busvvBJAU-UsaXjAfc6t4Xz6qmhouhbo/edit?usp=sharing)
> 
> Some people have asked me about future projects? I think I’m going to take a break from posting for a bit so that I can finally catch up on other wips lol but I will have other killugon fics to post soon enough! I have a fic for the hxh 2021 big bang that will be posted in June, a few other miscellaneous one shots, and three other long multi chapter fics I’m slowly working on. The multichapter fics aren't even in their first draft form so will not be ready to post for a while unfortunately but that just means I will post some one shots in the meantime ^-^ I have 70 something other hxh stories that are 95% killugon so if you liked this fic and don’t want to wait for my other wips to be posted, please check out my other fics!
> 
> Thank you again for reading this fic. And thank you to my friend xyliane for beta’ing this story all at once like a pro. It was truly a joy to share this with you <3
> 
> [[my tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{my twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


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